It is true! I’m behind the times – and behind the eight ball. I’m running late, but I guess it’s never too late rattle the pot. It's never too late to have a bit of fun. It's never too late to have lots of fun!
I’m old-fashioned. I’m a stick-in-the-mud even when there’s no mud about. There’s no point being in denial. I can’t run from the fact. If I ran I’d trip over a blade of grass, making a fool of myself - a feat easily achieved on any given day, grass or no grass. Even my shadow is an unavoidable hazard at times.
I’m a boring old tart (I know the other word that rhymes with ‘tart’ is flooding your mind, right now...I don’t mind...go for broke...go for it). Being all of the above and more, doesn’t mean I’m easily tricked...treat with care...tread carefully! The Shadow knows!
I don’t have a mobile phone, nor do I have an iPad or iPhone. I own no Smartphone, Cleverphone, Intelligentphone, Brightphone, or Ingeniousphone. I say this quietly so as not to hurt the feelings of my landline phone. Just because it is none of the above, doesn’t mean it is a dumb phone! My landline does all I require of it. It does the job it is designed to do, remaining in the one spot while doing so.
Like me, it’s a hermit I frequently admit to being. It prefers to be at home. Going to the supermarket with me is of no interest to my landline phone. And, of course, its cord doesn’t extend that far. Imagine the chaos the extension cord would cause...tripping up cars, cyclists and pedestrians left, right and centre!
I’ve no desire to talk on the phone while wandering along our local supermarket IGA’s aisles; and none while driving. Talking on a phone while driving would interrupt my singing, anyway.
For a brief period I had an el-cheapo mobile, one I purchased when Cyclone Debbie decided to disrupt communications. I used it three, maybe four times. I had to stand at the sliding glass, screen door, almost outside for it to work properly. Eventually it died a quiet death. It’s now immobile, having given up the ghost.
Taking selfies is not my “thing”. The reason for not taking them is glaringly obvious, of course. It’s not only because I don’t have the necessary equipment, but I have no desire to take photos of myself. I know what I look like, and, take my word - it’s not pretty! It’s scary enough for me to have to look at me in a mirror if and when the need arises. The vision I’m confronted with makes me jump and recoil. I try not to approach mirrors at night because nightmares would follow. Recording my image for all to see would be classified as cruelty to others, not only to animals. I’d be locked up for such behaviour. Terrifying my fellow humans should be limited to Halloween. And then, witch-ever witch way, performed in a sense of harmless, good fun.
Halloween was last Thursday I thought of turning myself into a money-making machine for the day, or longer, if my enterprise proved successful. Instead of going around banging on doors trick-or-treating in the hope of getting a heap of lollies, I thought of hiring myself out as a witch. I stayed home, deciding it best not to put fear into the hordes.
When I was a kid we celebrated Guy Fawkes' Night. We'd race home from school, eager and excited about what lay ahead that evening. We had a ball - building a bonfire; making a Guy, buying the local Penneys (now Coles) and Woolworths stores out of fireworks - spending our hard-earned pocket money....but "Cracker Night" was banned in 1972...so the younger generations have missed out on the fun we had. Let's not deprive them of the innocent fun of Halloween.
These days I don’t need a costume or a mask. I do have a straw broom. A Ferrari, it’s not, but it flies. I’d save on fuel, too.
Often I’ve related the story how, back in the early 80s, I scared the living daylights out of some kids doing the rounds of the neighbourhood on Halloween night.
At the time, my then husband and I were living at Sunshine Beach, on the Sunshine Coast. To a party in Noosaville, a nearby suburb, we went...he dressed as a warlock...me, a witch. Our costumes and masks were fabulous. The poor little kids who, unfortunately for them, were in the street when we arrived at our destination headed for the hills screaming their lungs out at the sight of us. To make matters worse, I’d put my lit torch up under my grotesque rubber mask - those kids are still running across the Nullabor Plain! Probably by now they’ve made it to South Africa....having created a miracle by running on top of and across the Indian Ocean!
Monster Mash Dip: Process until finely chopped 2 garlic cloves; add 2 cans drained, rinsed black beans; process until pureed. Add 2tbs tahina, 3-4tbs lime or lemon juice, 1tsp cumin, chipotle pepper or chilli, to taste, 3tbs yoghurt (optional); season; process until smooth. Pipe a cobweb on top using either yoghurt or tahina; place plastic spider on web, or make one from black olives.
Cap-O’-Lanterns: Place 1c rice in saucepan with 1-1/2c water’ bring to boil; reduce heat to lowest setting; cover. Cook 12-15mins until water has evaporated and rice is cooked. Finely chop/process140g mushrooms. Melt 25g butter with a splash of olive oil in pan; cook mushrooms 3-4mins; stir constantly; season; set aside. Heat a little olive oil in pan; cook 1 diced onion and 2 crushed garlic cloves, 3-4mins. Add 500g chicken mince; cook, breaking up meat. Remove from heat. Stir through mushroom, 1tbs each chopped thyme and flat-leaf parsley, 1/3c grated Parmesan, 100g crumbled feta and 2tbs tomato chutney. Preheat oven 200C. Cut tops off 8 red capsicums; discard centres, seeds, membrane. Carve jack-o’-lantern style faces into each capsicum. Fill with stuffing; pop tops back on. Pour 1c passata into base of baking tray. Place stuffed capsicums snugly in baking tray; bake 45mins.
Boo-tiful Brownie Pops: Melt 125g butter in saucepan; stir in 1-1/2c caster sugar, 1tsp vanilla essence, 1/2c cocoa and pinch of salt. Remove from heat; cool. Whisk in 2 eggs; fold through 1c sifted plain flour and 1tsp baking powder; add 1/2c white chocolate chips; spoon into greased, lined 18x28cm slab tin. Bake at 170C, 25-30mins. When cool, cut brownie into ghost shapes. Melt 200g white chocolate; then pour into squeeze bottle/bag. Cover tips of icy-pole sticks with melted white chocolate; then insert into the bottom of each ghost brownie to create a pop. Use rest of melted choc to draw ghost shapes on top of brownies. Cut tiny eyes and mouth shapes into 1 sheet of black fondant icing; place on top of white chocolate while still wet.