DON’T PUSH ME! DON’T TRY ME! I’M CRANKY!

I’m always cranky; it’s just the depth that varies; it’s akin to the saying with which you’re no doubt familiar. 

I've not made it public knowledge, but the television show "Grumpy Old Women" was actually based on me.  I gave them permission, of course; but I've not yet received any financial reward for doing so.  That makes me cranky, as you can well imagine!

I'm cranky because it's too damned hot here at present. Just attempting to do the simplest of things and I end up as a pool of water on the floor!  I hate it!  (I suppose, on the up side, the floor is getting washed)! 

Two minutes out from under a lukewarm shower...and it's time to get back under it again.  The humidity is so high it makes me cranky!  Wring me out like a rag! 

And, again, I guess there is an up side...there's no point using the bath towel to dry myself, because within seconds, I'm dripping wet again...so I'm saving on doing the laundry!

I’m cranky I’ve no more Christmas cake left.  I’m cranky because I have only myself to blame. No one else is responsible for its demise; I ate it all; not in one sitting - don't be silly!. I'd be even crankier if someone else had eaten it all!   

Of course, I could make myself another one, but the only times I think of making fruit cakes are Christmas and Easter.   And, as I've already said...it's too damn hot...too damn hot to be baking, that's for sure!  I'm baking and I'm not even in the oven!

Along with needing a retake on the cake, I’m cranky because there’s not a skerrick left of my ham, either. 

No! I didn’t eat the bone; but there was no point making pea and ham soup.  However, I wasn’t cranky about being unable to make the soup. It’s too darn hot for such a hearty soup.   

Like a battering ram I may have done the lam on the ham a while ago now, but it doesn’t mean I still can’t be cranky there is no more for me to feast upon. 

Hold the horses or swine…I’ve just remembered I cut off a few slices and hid them in my freezer.  Eureka!

The IGA-branded ham I devoured with relish (at times also accompanied by a dab or two of the bottled variety – one may as well go the whole hog) was the best ham I’ve had in a long time. From the first slice to the very last scrap I was hooked. Each time I removed the ham from its bag I became a frenzied harridan.  My shrew colours shone through!

Sadly, the day arrived when I had no other option but to wash, fold and put away my empty ham bag until next Christmas, which will probably be here again before we know it. All right! Calm down! I'm the only one allowed to be cranky around here!  I’ll go and wash my mouth out with soap!  

Being cranky makes me cranky; and just when I get over feeling cranky something else happens, and my cranky gets cranked up again!  

I’m not sure if it’s just me, or if others feel similarly to how I do, but there seems to be more idiots in the world today than ever before.   

Today we’re living in a “What’s Yours Is Mine” society. 

The mantra of those who believe they live in the “What’s Yours Is Mine” society is - “I don’t have to work to earn money to live. If something belongs to someone else, I don’t care! I want it! It’s mine; I'm going to take it!”   

Discipline, respect, thoughtfulness, empathy, politeness and good manners are becoming words of the past.  One day very soon we’ll have to go to a museum to view them; to see that once they did, in fact, exist.  We’ll find them in an exhibit a few metres across from the dinosaur display. 

Those of us who choose to live quiet, peaceful lives while enjoying time with loved ones and friends, when and if desired; those of us who simply do the things that give us pleasure with no intentions of interfering in the lives others are being held to ransom by fools.   

It’s not right; and it’s not right to hold the police or governments responsible for the actions of idiots.  People have to start becoming responsible and accountable for their own actions.  It’s time for them to wake up to themselves. Such people make me very cranky, indeed!

I'm extremely cranky about clowns who break into or try to break into the premises and/or private property of others; like the deadbeats who tried to break into my neighbours' garage during the early hours of the morning a couple of weeks ago!  They got disturbed by the owners before they completed their intent...they were intent on stealing my neighbours' cars.  There are only three house in this lane, and then my cabin...it is, or was, a quiet, peaceful, secure area. 

Everyone who lives on this lane has worked all their lives to earn their keep, without having to lower themselves to criminal activities for survival.  

You can bet you bottom dollar the idiots who broke into my neighbours' property have never done an honest day's work in their lives!  These sorts of people and their actions make me very cranky!  Angry is probably even a better description!

I’m solely responsible for the destruction of my Christmas cake and ham.  I’m accountable; no one else. I am responsible for who I am; I'm accountable for my actions; why the hell aren't others accountable for their actions?  Who do they think they are? What the hell gives them the right?

While I’m cranked up…Derryn Hinch being in prison makes me cranky.  I admire Derryn for standing by his principles. Shame, shame, shame; shame on our hypocritical justice system; it’s a sham!  Our justice system, the judges and magistrates who sit on the benches make me cranky, too!

 http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/derryn-hinch-arrested-reports-20140117-30zob.html

I used to know Derryn personally.  He is a good man.

And I'm sick to death of all the politically-correct garbage and the flag-waving civil libertarian so-called "do-gooders" who always appear, to me, to be on the side of the criminals...never the victims.  I think our weak justice system is made up of such thinkers if the pathetic sentences that are handed out; and those that aren't that should be set are any guideline!

I’m going to scram to reflect fondly on my ham bag; and of the ham it once held. Damn! I’ve no more ham, but I do have a Tim Tam. 

To be honest, as well as being cranky, I’m also a ham at times!

Ham & Egg Cups: Preheat oven 190C.  Heat 1tbs butter and 1tbs x-virgin olive oil in pan; sweat 2 large, finely-chopped shallots, 3mins; add 300g thawed, well-drained spinach; stir in 1/3 to 1/2c cream; season with salt, pepper and grated nutmeg; cook, stir often until cream thickens; about 5mins. Grab 8 ham slices; line non-stick muffin cups with ham; spoon heaped tablespoon spinach mix into cups; crack an egg into each; don’t break yolks; season; bake about 15mins. Cool briefly in cups; then remove to serve.  

Tim Tam Brownies: Preheat oven 190C. Melt 1/2c butter; remove from heat; stir in 1/2c cocoa powder and 1c firmly-packed brown sugar. Beat 2 eggs and 1/2tsp vanilla; blend in 1/2c plain flour and 1/4tsp salt. Spoon a thin layer of batter into lined dish; arrange Tim Tams on top of batter; cover Tim Tams with remaining batter; bake 15mins. Cut into squares when cool.  

No-Bake Tim Tam Tart: Remove label from a 395g can of condensed milk; pierce 2 small holes in top. Put can in a slightly larger pan; fill pan with cold water to about 1cm below top of can; bring to boil; simmer 3hrs (I can simmer for longer than that!) ensuring water level doesn’t drop below 1cm from top of can. When the caramel has cooked, remove can from water; cool a little before opening. Spoon into a bowl; cool. Base: blitz 200g pkt original Tim Tams in processor until fine crumbs. Melt 30g butter; cool slightly, then mix with crumbs; press firmly into base of 20cm loose-bottomed tart tin; push up the sides of tin to make case; chill, 25mins. Topping; melt 200g 70% dark chocolate with 50g butter in bowl over pan of hot water; stir to combine; cool. Pour layer of caramel over base; pour layer of melted choc over caramel; chill