DON’T BE BLASÉ - READ BETWEEN THE LINES - LIFE IS A CLICHÉ!

When someone says “I’ll call you ahead” – does it mean they’re calling me a “head”, or are they giving me notice about an upcoming event? 

If someone says they’re keeping abreast of things, dare I ask what they’re really mean?  While on the subject of birds; why is a bird in the hand worth more than two in the bush? How much are two in the bush worth?  Has anyone ever bothered to find out? You’d think that two birds are worth more than one. 

If you have sore eyes is there really a sight that’s capable of fixing the soreness?  The only site that would remedy sore eyes, as far as I can see would be one that housed an optometrist or a doctor.  The cause of the soreness could be, of course, beauty…because it’s often said beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You know how irritating it is when something gets in your eye. It would be impossible for anyone, male or female, if topless or wearing only a singlet, to have an ace up his or her sleeve! 

Airing one’s dirty laundry, in my opinion, is a total waste of time.  Why would anyone want to do that when it’s commonsense and much simpler to toss the dirty items into the washing machine? Not only is it more time efficient, but it gets the job done.  Clothes, sheets, towels etc., come out clean, meaning the end result is one’s laundry is no longer dirty, which is a far better method than airing it, in my opinion.

I’m not sure about you, but I have no skin on my teeth, so how can I “make it by the skin of my teeth”?  For that matter what is “it” – what is it that I’m making with the non-existent skin of my teeth?

And just so you know right from the start, there are no skeletons in my closet.  I’d really freak out if there.  However, to make sure I did check them all again this morning.  That was after I spent hours and hours poring over a new, unused notebook consisting of 200 lined pages.  I tried and tried to read between the lines, but as I’d only bought the notebook yesterday it’s still in its new state, not unlike a blank slate.  I couldn’t find anything between the lines other than expanses of white nothingness!  It has been said you can’t judge a book by its cover, but when there’s nothing between the covers what is there to judge?  Furthermore, the cover on my new notebook clearly defines what it is. In large colourful print it states it’s a 200 page notebook; and that’s what it is.  I haven’t, and have no intentions of doing so, counted the number of pages.  I’ve accepted it at face value. A leaf may have been taken out of it, but I doubt any pages have been removed.

I’ve found it much easier to look in my sewing box for a needle than to go looking through a haystack.  I’d have to jump in my car and go try to find a haystack first.  To me that would be a needless and pointless exercise when my sewing box is right here within arm’s reach.

Years ago I was told to save my breath.  Diligently I followed the advice; now I have jars and jars filled with my saved breath, but I don’t know what to do with them, or it!  I suppose I could keep it all for a rainy day, but I’m not sure what good that will do.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy…what about Dave, Mike, Tom, Dick, Harry, Will, even, and all the rest of the boys? Do the same words of so-called wisdom apply to them, too; and to you, Jill and me, for that matter? 

  

If you were happily married to a doctor you’d never eat apples, would you?  Not if they’re supposed to keep the doctor away; but if you wanted an out you’d present him with cartons of apples, daily. 

On the shortest days of the year does it mean you’re not as honest as you are when days are long?   

It’s risky saying “any friend of yours is a friend of mine”.  What if you can’t stand that person?  It is not necessarily always true that it’s better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.  The one you don’t know could possibly be far better than the one you do know.   

I heard somewhere or other that if you sleep with the devil you wake up horny.  I’m not sure if that’s true or not. A few years ago I bought a bright red, fluffy stuffed devil from the RSPCA Op Shop. As I never slept with it I can’t give a conclusive answer. 

How can the cat have my tongue? The only time that would apply is if I prepared pressed tongue and the cat leapt up on the table for a stolen taste; but I’ve never had a cat that stole; not tongue or anything else. I tried dangling a carrot in front of one of my cats once, but he tossed me a “What does that have to do with the price of Whiskas in China?” look before he went back to sleep. 

Often we’re told we can’t have our cake and eat it, too. What a silly thing to say! Obviously, if we don’t have any cake, we can’t eat it; but if we do have a cake of course we eat it before it becomes stale, or the ants get to it.  

 Nowadays digital clocks make the saying “the clock is ticking” redundant. You might think me cuckoo asking this, but is the cuckoo in a digital cuckoo clock silent, too?

By the way, I never get out of the wrong side of the bed.  It’s impossible for me to do so as  there is only one side of my bed I can get out of, the right side – because the left side of my bed is flush up against the wall.

One has to be a contortionist to survive. 

Constantly we’re told we have to “buckle up”; “knuckle down”; “tighten your belt”; “put on the brakes”; ”bounce right back”; “toe the line”; “keep your head down” (or “pull it in”); “brace yourself”;  “bite the bullet”;  “keep your eye on the ball”;  “keep your chin up”; “keep your nose to the grindstone”; “pull your socks up”;  “put your best foot forward” (I don’t know which is my best foot – they both look much the same to me and appear to do similar jobs); “broaden your horizons”; “keep your head above water”; “sink or swim”; “take a deep breath; “exhale” (I wish they’d make up their minds!); “don’t jump into the deep end”; “think twice before you leap”. 

Personally, I prefer to think more than twice before taking a leap.  If we attempted to do all the above tasks, we’d have no time to spare, not to mention the total confusion trying to follow so many commands.

Perhaps it’d be better to go out on a limb and play it by ear!

Maybe it would be best to twiddle our thumbs to decide if it’s thumbs up or thumbs down while taking one step forward and ten back, all the time rolling our eyes, raising our eyebrows and shrugging. 

Of course, we could spin in one spot and go nowhere. It’s important to remember, however; if you can’t jump that pesky hurdle, go around it, or dig a hole and crawl under it is to just bypass it all together - take another route!  Better still, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Finally, if you don’t have a horse, how can you get back up on it?

Whew! I’m cashing it in for now.  I need to catch 40 winks and have a cat nap, but before I go, here are some ideas to chew over; but don’t stew on them too long, I’ve lots more for you to sink your teeth into…at a later date.

Curry-crusted Lamb Breasts with Basil Yoghurt Sauce: Preheat oven 150C. Rinse a 1.5kg to 2.25kg bone-in lamb breast; place in oven dish; season well with salt and pepper; then with ginger powder, garlic powder, cumin, paprika and a little turmeric; then a little less cardamom and coriander; a little less cinnamon and crushed cloves; and then cayenne, to taste. Flip breast over and repeat process. With fat side to the top; cover pan with foil or lid; cook approx 3hrs; flip lamb halfway through. Basil Yoghurt Sauce: Whisk 1c Greek yoghurt, 2 to 3tsp chopped Thai basil, 1tsp toasted cumin and salt when you put lamb in oven. Chill while lamb cooks. Serve the cold sauce with the lamb.

Grilled Sheep Tongues with Beetroot-Yoghurt Salad: Put 6c chicken stock, ½ knob garlic, cut horizontally, 1tbs fresh thyme sprigs, 1tbs fresh rosemary leaves and 1 bay leaf in saucepan; bring to boil. Reduce heat; add 8 sheep tongues; simmer, covered, 1-1/2hrs; when cooked peel off skin. Thinly slice lengthways; place in single layer on tray; season; drizzle with 2tbs x-virgin olive oil. Heat grill; cook slices 1-2mins each side or until they have grill lines and are heated through. Place on top of Salad: Place 1c yoghurt onto serving platter; top with 16 small cooked beetroot; sprinkle with watercress; drizzle with oil.

Summer Brawn: Place 2 knuckles veal, 250g pickled pork, 750g gravy beef in large saucepan; add 8c water. Add salt, 3 cloves, 1 bay leaf, 1tsp mixed herbs, 1/2c vinegar and 1tsp Worcestershire sauce. Cover; simmer gently until meat breaks away from bones, about 3hrs. Drain, reserve stock; remove meat from bones; dice finely. Pack into greased 23cm by 12cm loaf tin. Sprinkle 1tsp gelatine over 1tbs water; strain stock; measure 3 cups; dissolve gelatine in hot stock; pour on meat just to cover. Chill until set firmly.

Macaroni Tuna-Cheese: Cook 250g macaroni until tender, drain; rinse. Melt 4tbls butter in saucepan; add 2 chopped onions and 1 small chopped capsicum; sauté over low heat 3-4mins, until tender. Add 2tbls plain flour, salt and pepper; cook, stirring, until smooth and bubbly. Add 1c milk and 1 can of mushroom soup; stir over low heat until smooth and thickened. Add cooked drained macaroni, 250g canned tuna, drained, 1/2c thawed frozen peas and 1/2c grated cheese to sauce mixture, stirring constantly. Pour the mixture into buttered casserole; top with grated cheese and some buttered, soft bread crumbs; bake at 175C about 40mins.

Chicken in Puff Pastry: Cook 4 bacon rashers until crisp; drain; crumble; set aside. Drain pan; don’t wipe out. Add 1tbl olive oil to pan; add 3 boneless, cubed chicken thighs and 1/2c chopped onion. Cook together until chicken is no longer pink. Remove with slotted spoon to a bowl. Add 125g softened cream cheese and bacon to chicken; mix well; add some chopped fresh herbs. Cut a sheet of thawed puff pastry into 4x6-inch squares. Divide chicken between squares; fold in half. Seal edges; press with fork. Place on baking tray; brush with beaten egg. Bake in preheated 200C oven 20-25mins.

Seven-Layer Casserole: Layer thinly-sliced potatoes, carrots and onions in buttered casserole. Sprinkle 1/2c uncooked long-grain rice over vegetables. Add 2 un-drained cans of peas; arrange 500g pork sausages over peas. Dilute 1 can tomato soup with water; pour over sausage; season. Cover; cook in 175C oven, 1 hour – then uncovered a further hour.