Tuesday, February 02, 2016

ON A JARRING NOTE…





What a dilemma!   

To put it bluntly - I’m in a real pickle! If I could find a solution to my vexing problem I’d be a millionaire; a multi-millionaire even!  And if that were to come to fruition it definitely would be something worth getting pickled over.  The unopened bottle of Glenfiddich sitting on my shelf is safe (for the moment, anyway); however, that’s not the kind of pickled I mean in this instance.

I believe I can trust you with my money-making scheme; one I’ve not yet patented. Because of my immovable faith in our discretion I’ll let you in on my inspirational secret project.  I know you won’t tell anyone.

Surrounding me are piles of empty glass jars...everywhere I look, in every cranny and nook, and in between. I’ve been collecting them for the past year or more.  Cloaked in darkness, garbed in camouflage - even my car is disguised as a bandicoot to put those other night owls roaming the streets during the wee small hours off the scent - I do midnight runs raiding the neighbourhood recycle bins. I’ll soon be known as Ms Steptoe of the Mountain, if I’m not already.  I’ve become an adept creature of subterfuge.

It’s amazing how much grape juice is consumed here on the hill. The hordes of empty wine bottles I’ve gathered will be to my benefit. They’ll serve an important purpose in my plan. If my concept has a positive result the crates of wine bottles I haul home night after night will play a significant role in what I’m endeavouring to achieve. 

It’d be nice if the neighbours recycled a few full ones!  It’s thirsty work that I do!

I’m intend melting the bottles sadly depleted of wine to make handles for the myriad jars in my possession; jars from pickles, chutney, jams and various other product, which are also collected during my midnight runs. ‘Tis a busy life I lead under the cloak of darkness.

My plan isn’t working for me; not yet anyway, but I’ll soldier on. If and when I work out how to stick the handles on the jars I’ll be rich; either that or I’ll have missed the bus on “my moment” in reaping the benefits of my back-breaking efforts because people will have moved onto the next craze. I’ll be left holding the jars and wine bottles - empty wine bottles – dammit! 

That’ll be a jarring experience – one hard to get a handle on!

I find the current fad - one that’s lasted far too long, in my opinion - of drinking from jars very jarring. It’s one of the silliest fads I’ve seen.  I get so annoyed every time I see pictures in magazines, newspapers etc., of jars being substituted as drinking vessels.  I can see no point to the “popular fashion”.  It’s not even unique; everyone and their third cousins are doing it!  If an eatery attempted to serve me a drink in a jar I would politely decline and ask for my drink to be served to me in an appropriate drinking glass.

Everywhere I look drink-filled jars with straws plonked in them have taken over the planet!  I can see no rhyme or reason for them. The jars look clumsy and unattractive.  When I have a drink I prefer to skol from a glass; from a drinking glass suitable to the drink I’m indulging in - not a glass jar. Better still, with a lot of class and practiced finesse, I like to guzzle straight from the bottle. It saves on the washing up - no straws and no jars required!

To add insult to insult salads are plonked, in layers, in jars. Tiered desserts are served in jars!  To me, somehow, it’s a being a poseur...in reverse...how perverse!

I elect to keep my jars exclusively for jams, chutneys and pickles etc; never to be used as gimmicky, annoyingly gauche drinking vessels; or for serving salads and desserts.  I find this fad idiotically pretentious.

Once upon a time you’d be sincerely concerned about a friend’s financial welfare if he/she served you a drink in a jar. Similarly, if presented with a drink or food-filled jar rather than a glass or plate as the fare demands in an eatery, it would’ve prompted concerns their doors would soon be closing permanently. A jar could’ve been left on the counter for the generosity of strangers to help keep the doors ajar; a jar not only for tips for the serving staff!

I offer no apologies for preferring to have whatever it is I’m drinking served in a glass...a glass made for the purpose of drinking from (or from a cup or mug if the instance demands).  And I prefer to eat my salads off a plate or from a bowl; and desserts not from a jar!   

And, I know jars are the "In Thing" at the moment, but I'd feel I was insulting my guests if I served them drinks or food in jars.  I've never been one to succumb to the latest fads; to follow the crowd in the craze of the moment...particularly to ones that are, in my opinion, pretty damn stupid! 

I'll continue to beat my own drum; and if that means I'm not keeping up with the latest fads or "the Joneses - I suppose it should be "keeping up with the Kardashians" - not "keeping up with the Joneses" these days - but as I said...I'll beat my own drum...rat-a-tat-tat! 

Now how will I fuse these handles on to the jars?

Chilli-Pawpaw Chutney: Combine in saucepan - 7 black peppercorns, 1 whole nutmeg, 1 peeled, coarsely-chopped pawpaw, 2 peeled, coarsely-chopped apples, 2c light brown sugar, 3c white vinegar, 2tsp coarse salt, 3 fresh, deseeded, finely-chopped red chillies and 2tsp grated ginger; stir constantly over med-heat until sugar dissolves; simmer, uncovered, approx 1-1/2hrs or until thickened. Remove peppercorns and nutmeg; spoon hot chutney into hot sterilized jars; seal jars while still hot; chutney will keep up to 6 months.  (And I refuse to call "pawpaws" papayas, too....pawpaws are pawpaws here in Queensland)!

Pickled Broccoli: Combine 2c distilled white vinegar, 2c water and 2tbs pickling salt in saucepan; bring to a boil. Into a 946ml/4c jar, put 4c broccoli florets, 3-4 peeled garlic cloves, 1tsp mustard seeds, 1tsp black peppercorns and 1/2tsp red chilli flakes; pack the broccoli on top. Cover broccoli with the hot vinegar brine; cap jar; cool to room temp. Chill at least 3hrs before serving. It’ll keep 2-3 weeks.

Rockmelon Jam: Prepare boiling water bath and 3x240ml jars. Place lids in small saucepan; cover with water; simmer over very low heat. Combine 2-1/2c peeled, chopped rockmelon, 1-1/2c sugar, 1 split and scraped vanilla bean and the seeds in pot; bring to boil over high heat; cook 8-10mins. Add zest of 1 lemon, 1tbs lemon juice and 85ml packet liquid pectin. Return to vigorous boil; cook 3-4mins, until bubbles look thick. Remove vanilla pod. Ladle jam into prepared jars; wipe rims; seal jars; process in boiling water bath, 10mins. (And a rockmelon will always be a rockmelons to me...not cantaloupe).

Berry Winey Jam: Combine 3c mixed berries and 2c red wine in saucepan; simmer uncovered to jam consistency – about 30mins. After berries break down add sugar to taste; less if using a sweet wine. You can use champagne instead; spoon into jars; chill.  

Banana Berry Smoothie:  Place 1 large banana, ½ cup frozen or fresh mixed berries (add grapes, if you like), 2tsp wheatgerm, 1/2c milk, ½ strawberry or natural yoghurt and 2tsp honey in a blender; whizz...drink...straws optional! As well as not using jars other than for the purposes they're meant for,  I always go for the no-straw option, too!   

If you find your bananas are ripening quickly and you prefer eating bananas that aren't very ripe – slice the bananas into pieces and freeze the pieces in portions to be used for your smoothies at later dates. 

34 comments:

  1. Yes.
    And don't serve my meal on a bread board either.

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    1. I agree, EC...same here.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  2. Why do you want to put handles on your jars? For easier lifting and holding? Perhaps superglue would do the trick.
    I don't like the fad either, I want my foods and drinks in regular crockery and glassware. I've seen in some catalogues, mason jars now come with handles and lids with a hole for the straw.

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    1. Hi River...I don't want to put handles on my jars! I was just being silly...being sarcastic or whatever similar description you'd like to accuse me of being. That part of my post was completely all and every bit of it, tongue-in-cheek!

      I don't go out at midnight collecting empty wine bottles and jars. :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  3. Jars! Like you I prefer a china plate or china bowl and a glass for drinks.
    I can't stand paper cups for coffee or tea, just hate it. I won't go to a cafe or restaurant that has these.
    How to handles on your jars - I have not idea. I'm not much help in that department :)

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    1. Does everyone think I'm serious about wanting to put handles on jars?

      I'm just being facetiously sarcastic. Why would I want to put handles on jars when I abhor the crazy fad of handles on jars?

      As I wrote in my response to River's response...I really am not collecting empty jar or wine bottles.

      Thanks for popping in, Margaret. :)

      Delete
  4. I think that fad passed here some time ago and drinking out of a jar must not be pleasant either. I've never had a pawpaw but would love to some day

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    1. I wish it would pass here, Linda...it's still sticking around, unfortunately. I can't see any sense in it whatsoever.

      I love pawpaw...and they're very good for us.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  5. Until you mentioned it, I had never heard of this fad Lee. It sounds rather exciting and for that reason I have already made plans to fill a shipping container with old jars and bottles collected from Sheffield neighbours. Let's think of it as "overseas aid". I don't know your address so I hope this wild do:-
    "The Crazy Glass Jar Woman, Tamborine Mountain, Queensland, AUS"
    The container should be with you in six weeks.

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    1. I'm overcome by your generosity, Yorkie! You have such a massive, good, kind heart. I can't wait to receive your jar and bottle-filled container.

      Hold on! I hear a delivery truck outside now as I type! Wow! That was so quick! The marvel of the Internet! It really jars one back into the wonders of modern day technology. Where would we be without it.

      If you don't hear from me for a while it'll be because I'm busy melting glass and sticking handles on the jars...and when I've finished doing that, I'll set up a roadside stall and sell them to the passing crowds!

      Thanks for coming by, Yorkie...and for the smiles (and jars)! :)

      Delete
    2. You are welcome. It is a relief that the jars reached you in good condition and arrived even before I collected them which is truly magical. There was a film a few years back called "Jarhead". I think it was about a man with a head shaped like a jar but I might be wrong.

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    3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jarhead_%28film%29

      I'm sure you've probably see the movie, Yorkie. It was directed by the one and only Sam Mendes...ex-husband of Kate Winslet.

      I think you might be confusing "Jarhead" with "Coneheads"....I don't need any cones....particularly if they're not filled with ice cream.

      Perhaps I could turn to the US Marines and ask them to send me some jars, too.

      The speed of Cobb & Co. delivery between the UK and here is unbelievable, so no doubt it's even better between the US and here.:)

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  6. I actually own a few jars with handles. Oh no! I did not make them. They came that way. I also have a ton of jars in storage because my husband kept buying them at auctions. I fear he thought I might fill them with something good to eat. Nope.

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    1. Stop buying jars at auctions! Go through your neighbours' rubbish bins, Annie - just make sure they don't catch you doing so!!! :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  7. It has been years since I've heard the word paw-paw. Love it. My mom used to make jars and jars of jam, with me sterilizing jars. Good stuff.

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    1. Hi Susan, I used to make jars and jars of jam, pickles, chutney, pickled onions. etc., by the ton!

      A few years ago, every Sunday morning from about 8 am until 1 pm at the latest I'd sell what I'd made from a little roadside stall I set up out the front of this property upon which I live. I had jars of jams etc.,coming out of my ears.

      I only started it when I made an abundance of jam or something or other once, and for a bit of a lark I decided to sell the excess. And they sold like hot-cakes...or home-made jam!!

      Then I ran out of jars! So I placed a little ad in the local paper. From that I think everyone here on the mountain answered it! I discovered streets I never knew existed as I collected jars from everyone who responded to my ad!

      All of a sudden my cabin became a jam/chutney/pickle-making factory!! I was non-stop making the products; sterilising jars and lids; and then the finished bottled product, labelling etc. It was crazy!

      It soon became the "tiger-by-the-tale" syndrome!

      And then, one day, I said enough was enough. I shut down my enterprise and peace returned!

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  8. Ah... a woman after my own heart ! I've been doing my own little rant about this subject too. Absolutely ridiculous how some people mindlessly have followed this stupid craze !Not for me !!!

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    1. I'm glad it's not just me, Helsie! It really, really does annoy me. It's ridiculous! And as you say...some people just blindly follow suit...crazy! It's cringe-worthy.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  9. I never have enjoyed drinking from a jar...boring!Lol
    hughugs

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    1. Hi Donna....I've never been a follower of fads, thank goodness...and this one, in particular, is a bloody silly one as far as I'm concerned.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  10. This jarring habit is not one I've come across. I suspect it is merely a throwback to the outback ways of early pioneer convicts. Not something that folks like us would understand you understand.

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    1. The silly fad didn't start here in this country, Adullamite - it started off in the UK, Europe or the US...but not here. Those with no minds of their own picked it up and continued with it here. I'm not one to follow fads no matter from what country they originate.

      Cheers! Thanks for coming by. I'm glad you've not fallen prey to the jar habit...it proves there are still some of us free-spirited individuals left in this world! :)

      Delete
  11. Penny from the Big Bang Theory: "wine glasses should have handles", when using a measuring jug to drink from as all her wine glasses hadn't yet been washed (or couldn't be found)

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    1. I never watch the show, River. I know it's very popular, but it's never "grabbed" me...perhaps I just can't get a handle on it!

      How gross it would be to have handles on wine glasses!!! Not my cup of tea...I mean wine!

      Thanks for revisiting. :)

      Delete
  12. Jarring note. Ha! Hope you figure out those handles, it's a great idea.
    Thanks for the tip on freezing bananas!

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    1. Ummmm.....you do realise I am joking about putting handles on jars, don't you, Sandie? I have no intentions of doing so, nor am I collecting bottles and jars! I can think of little else as jarring! 'Tis all tongue in cheek! :)

      Welcome to my blog...please don't be a stranger and thank you for coming by. :)

      Delete
  13. Jars now are so in. I love how versatile they are.

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    1. I just can't agree with you, Lux. I think it's very gauche; a silly fad...each to their own, I guess. :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  14. My daughter has just discovered the delights of pickled onions - and that's good news as far as I am concerned - bring out the pickle jars.

    Cheers - Stewart M - Melbourne

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    1. And that is what jars should be used for, Stewart; not for drinking out of. I love pickled onions, particularly home-made ones. Our Nanna used to always make them when my late brother and I were kids; and I later took over the mantle.

      You've jolted me back into action...I must make some more!

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  15. Maybe it's an acknowledgement to those who made do in the past. People who could not afford glasses did having canning jars so the use make sense. We'll never know, I guess. We sadly have become a world of opulent waste. Maybe using jars is a nod to that.

    Regarding domestic violence: It has always been around but no one spoke of it. The Rule of Thumb came from a law that said you could beat your wife if the branch was no bigger than your thumb. As with many problems awareness is growing. Hopefully with awareness it will decrease. Those in the situation sometimes think it is normal because it always had been...for them.

    Have a blessed week.

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    1. I doubt it, Gail. It's just a silly craze; a gimmick.

      We never had much money when I was growing up and we never used jars to drink from. I don't have a lot of money these days...and I would not use jars to drink from, nor would I expect guests/visitors to do so.

      I do realise domestic violence has always been around. As a small child I witnessed it being perpetrated by our stepfather upon our mother until he was run out of town by the Gympie police and told to never return. I never, even as a young child ever thought it normal...my feelings towards it have never changed.

      Men who beat on women are gutless cowards.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  16. Oh my - I'd be so embarrassed if someone knew how much wine I drink by going through my garbage! :)

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    1. Hahahahahaha, Lynn! To hell with what others think...keep enjoying that wine, and raise a glass or two to those who are missing out on similar pleasure!

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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