Tuesday, November 08, 2016

PARTY POOPER I AM....THE BARE FACTS!




Whew!  I’m exhausted!  I’ve hung up my silks, rubber spurs and riding crop. Now I might have to take a Bex and have a good lie down!  

It’s not what you’re thinking!  You people!!  I’ve not been watching “Fifty Shades Darker”, the “Fifty Shades of Grey” sequel; nor have I just finished re-reading the trilogy! 

I’m referring to the Melbourne Cup Carnival. As inferred in my previous post, my tradition each year is to watch every meeting and race throughout The Cup Carnival - from go to whoa - from Saturday to Saturday. 

Not one for group gatherings on Melbourne Cup Day I hold my own party with me as the guest of honour.     

By the way, I backed 1st and 2nd in The Cup.    

I can’t imagine me not having a bit of fun on Cup Day...and, as it always seems to turn out well for me.  Each year I do okay with my Melbourne Cup wagers.  I hope my winning streak continues.

I’ve never been one for organised group Cup parties.  I’ve never attended one, willingly or unwillingly.  However, over the years when cooking in restaurants etc., I catered for enough to last me two lifetimes...unwillingly.  Again, I’ve said all this before...apologies for repeating myself.  Where did I hide those antacid tablets?

Furthermore, I’m probably one of the very few who’s never attended a Tupperware Party or similar where the hostess tries to flog whatever it is she’s supposed to be flogging to guests who feel obligated to buy. 

Only once have I been cornered.  It was back in the early 90s. Caught off-guard, I was trapped with no escape hatch.

Having arrived to a new town, Collinsville, and a new job as manager-chef of the Mess and accommodation for the single men employed by Collinsville Coal (a subsidiary of MIM aka Mount Isa Mines),  I was roped into going to, of all things a Lingerie Party.
Shortly after my arrival one of my staff members was hosting the party at her home on a Sunday afternoon. Believing it to be the courteous thing to do, she extended an invitation on the premise I was “new in town; the new kid on the block”. 

In a moment of weakness (or caught unexpectedly without forewarning, with no valid “out”) I thought maybe it wouldn’t kill me to go along to meet some of the townsfolk – the ladies of the town.

The Sunday afternoon turned up far too quickly!

With little enthusiasm off I went, dragging my feet (which was difficult to do because I was driving.  I was my own personal chauffeur). 

My carefully thought-out plan was to make an appearance; purchase an item or two in undying gratitude for the hostess’ hospitality etc., and then, having extended my thank you, depart politely.

Once my commitment was over and done with I’d return home to be left to my own devices, peace and quiet.

Everything was going along smoothly according to my plan when out of the blue a male stripper appeared!   A “Magic Mike” he wasn’t; not that I’ve watched either one of the movies. And I have no intention of doing so.

The hired stripper was a still a wet-behind- the-ears kid in his early 20s it appeared to me. I was old enough to be his mother; as were the other women in attendance! 

As if by magic, the women transformed into a rabble of teenage girls, not yet fresh out of high school!

Something that really grates on me is a mob of screaming females.  And there I found myself - caught in my worst nightmare - in the middle of a mob of screaming females! 

They were carrying on like mentally-deranged hens being stalked by a fox or a snake in a hen yard!

I turn off TV shows such as “Ellen”, “Oprah” (when she still had a show), “The Talk” etc., when the audiences go crazy like a disorderly bunch of obsessed banshees.   They drive me insane!   I rarely watch them; and when I do they’ve been recorded, which enables me to fast-forward through all the nonsense, only watching a guest, if I feel he or she is worth watching.

The mass was carrying on like demented lunatics that Sunday afternoon!  

You’d swear the women had never seen a naked man before...perhaps they hadn’t.
  
Either which way, it was no excuse to carry on like a horde of giggling, drooling, swooning, screaming school girls!

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse the near-naked young man plopped himself on my lap!   

Wrong move, laddie! 

I’m not a prude, but I do have demarcation lines.  I’m the one who places my lines and limits.  They’re not set in concrete, but they are mine to set and move as I see fit.

When the disrobed, misguided drongo plonked himself on my lap my reaction and words (use your imagination – in effect, I told him I’d seen better) were immediate and spontaneous. 

With one solitary, but firm movement, I sent the barely-clothed fellow flying across the room on his scantily-covered butt.  Whether he got blisters or splinters in his nether regions I cared not.

Finally he skidded to a halt close to his discarded clothes.  I’d never seen anyone dress so quickly.  His departure was equally as rapid.  From that moment on, I imagine he changed his occupation.

My one fluid action caused the room to go deathly quiet.  Mouths and eyes had opened in shock, and remained so. 

It was one way to shut up the previously shrieking, excitable women. 

As for me, I left – and that was it as far as those types of parties were concerned. 

Brazilian Rump: Smash 5 garlic cloves; sprinkle with salt; then make into paste with mortar & pestle; mix in 1tbs x-olive oil. Put 1.5kg-2kg piece of trimmed rump in baking pan; prick all over with skewer; evenly rub garlic paste on the meat; marinate at room temp 1hr. Preheat oven 200C.  Scrape as much of the paste off meat before placing in oven. Put 3tbs olive oil in roasting pan over med-high heat; sear rump until browned on both sides. Transfer to oven; cook as desired. Preheat pan over med-high heat. Alternately thread cherry tomatoes and very small pickling onions or quartered onions on skewers; brush with oil; season. Char on both sides; serve with sliced rump.

Rump Pot Roast: Place 2 chopped large garlic cloves and 1.5tbs finely chopped rosemary leaves in bowl; season.  Pour 1/2c x-virgin olive oil into large pan; add 1-1/2c very finely chopped celery and 1c very finely chopped carrots. Turn heat to med-high; sauté 5mins; add 2c finely chopped red onions; sauté 10mins. Remove from heat. Truss 1.5kg-2kg rump roast with string to keep shape. Make 4 cross-shaped incisions at even intervals along one side of rump. Make a hole in each incision with a finger; fill each hole with some garlic/rosemary mixture. Truss the rump roast tightly with string to keep its shape. With a sharp knife make 4 cross shaped incisions at even intervals along one side of the rump roast, beginning about an inch from either end. Stick a finger into each incision to dig a hole. Fill each hole with a quarter of the rosemary/garlic mixture. Heat 1/4 cup olive oil in Dutch oven. When oil is hot, place rump in pot; brown 5 minutes on each side; do the first side on high heat; then reduce to medium; remove the roast to a plate. Transfer the sautéed vegetables, 1 can crushed tomatoes, 4 slices lemon peel, 1-1/2c dry red wine, 2c beef stock, and 1-1/2tsp salt to Dutch oven: stir well. Return rump to Dutch oven. Cover; bake 1-1/2hrs in 200C oven. Turn roast, uncover; bake further 1/2hr. 

Dry Marinated Barbecued Rump:
Combine1tsp cracked black pepper, 2tsp ground coriander/cilantro, 1/2tsp cumin, 1-1/2tsp chilli powder, 1/2tsp cinnamon, 1tbs brown sugar and 1tsp salt; mix well. Rub 1tbs olive oil over 2 kgs whole rump; then sprinkle meat with spice mixture. Cover and refrigerate 2 hours. Rest the rump out of fridge for about 30mins before starting to cook it. Barbecue in covered barbecue or roast in oven at 200C for 1-1/4hrs for medium rare, or done to your liking.  Rest it in a warm place for 15mins before carving.

Plum Fool: Dice 600g plums; remove the stones. Place plums in saucepan with 3tbs sugar and 2tbs water. Bring slowly to the boil; then turn down to a simmer. Cook until plums are soft.  Allow to cool; then strain off juice. Whip 250ml cream; fold in two-thirds of the plums. Pour a little of the plum juice into each serving glass; top with cream and plum mix; then spoon over remaining fruit. Finish with a little extra plum juice and crumbled Amaretto biscuits or toasted almond flakes over top.

38 comments:

  1. I am with you.
    Screamers are good reason for me to leave. Quickly. And quietly.
    And I don't view nakedness as a spectator sport. Something to participate in perhaps, on receipt of a personal invitation.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. G'day EC. I just don't understand that kind of hysteria, not one little bit. I've no intention of trying to understand it...it's childish behaviour as far as I'm concerned.

      I think that fellow and his excited fans received the shock of their lives that afternoon when I was there! ;)

      I never did make friends with any of those women. I didn't care about that, either.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  2. Since you followed that story immediately with a recipe for Brazilian Rump I'm guess the young stripper, or at least the rump thereon, must have been from Brazil??

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    1. Hi Molly...no, I doubt very much he was Brazilian. He was a white, Anglo-Saxon Aussie in all his glory!

      I was just trying to be funny by the "Brazilian" touch...if you get my joke, a vague as it may seem! :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  3. I'm right there with you on mobs of rabid, screaming women, especially those old enough to know better.
    I wouldn't have tossed the youngster across the room, I'm not that strong, but I would have got up and left. Without buying.
    The one time I attended a lingerie party, it was just that. Pretty undies and sleepwear. My daughter was hosting as a favour to a friend, so I felt obliged to go, but I didn't buy anything.

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    1. Hi there, River. I wouldn't have been able to get up until I got rid of him off my lap...so I promptly got rid of him! Off he went with no further ado! ;)

      I'm a lot taller than you...and I probably was taller than that young man...and probably stronger, too! lol

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  4. LOL. That's too funny.

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    1. Hey Sandra...I still smile every time I think of it...not only over him flying across the room, but the faces of the women in the room! lol

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  5. Good on you! I'm with you !

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    1. Hey there Helsie...You can be my partner in crime any old time!

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  6. I find that reaction from women whenever I walk down the street...

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    1. Well, there is a solution to that, Mr. Ad-Man....put on your clothes before you go out next time!!

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  7. I DO hate shrieking women. As for being sat upon by a near naked person.....well, you don't know WHERE that part has been. ick

    I find myself waiting for you to come up with a luscious vegetarian dish for me to duplicate.

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    1. Hey LJ...I agree with you re your first comment.

      As for your second. I've posted many vegetarian recipes...but just for you, I'll do some more in future posts. :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  8. You just reminded me why I don't watch TV in the afternoon unless somethings special is on.
    Nearly forgot the Melbourne Cup, just in time turned the TV on - husband came in and said, "I might sit down and watch the Cup". Says I, "That was raced about 3pm" - not a nice reply :)
    Been to many cup functions years ago, can't be bothered with that sort of thing any more. We age :)

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    1. Hi Margaret. I couldn't forget The Cup! :)

      Even when I was younger, I didn't enjoy such organised gatherings. Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  9. That party deserved pooping.

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    1. Well, I certainly brought a swift end to the proceedings, Cosmo! :)

      Nice to see you...I hope all is well with you and yours. :)

      Delete
  10. Good for you Lee. I warned my co-workers NEVER to surprise me with a stripper. That seemed to be a big deal for birthday parties after hours in workplace. I would have sent the fellow making skid marks too.

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  11. G'day Annie...Good for you. It's all very childish, pointless nonsense as far as I'm concerned. It's never been my scene, that's for sure.

    Thanks for coming by. :)

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  12. Like your play on words in your comment.

    Also glad to hear the second picture was not the result of harvesting the first!

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    1. Hey Gail...all in the name of a little bit of fun! :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  13. But I imagine being in a public place for example and see someone naked. If I'm alone, I'd be terribly scared maybe. But if there are people, I can just pretend to look away. Not sure. Haha.

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    1. Nudity doesn't scare me, Lux! Why would it?


      Scared? No...nudity doesn't scare me....nor did it then.

      I wasn't scared. Nor did I pretend any feelings. My immediate reaction showed exactly how I felt...disgust.

      I had no need to pretend or desire to pretend. I rarely pretend. I'm a straight shooter..black and white.

      I just didn't want a near-naked stranger on my lap. Simple as that. Nor did I appreciate his belief that it would be okay for him to plonk himself upon me..

      It takes a lot to scare....a naked male male body is not one...

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  14. Good for you - I find that kind of thing ridiculous, as well. My sister went to some male strip club for a birthday party with her friends once and told me she kept saying, "Lynn should be here!" I think I hurt her feelings when I was incredulous she would think that.

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    1. Hey Lynn...I think it's all a lot of nonsense...not what I class as being fun...not my kind of fun, anyway.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  15. Interesting that, with the possible exception of J Cosmo Newbery, I seem to be the only male commenter. I shall refrain from saying anything about screaming hysterical females at an Ellen programme (which is probably preferable to screaming hysterical men at a rugby match) but when I read that you had the 1st and 2nd in the Melbourne Cup I did wonder how many bets you had placed.

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    1. G'day Graham...no need to refrain. It's the high-pitched sounds that really grate...and it's not necessary for them to carry on that way...that's how I think about it all, anyway.

      I backed three horses...with the massive outlay of two dollar each way on each! lol And for that I received $46.60 back in return for my efforts! A fun day of cheap entertainment. :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  16. Hahaha! wish I had seen the occasion you describe, Lee!
    I just read your comment on Adullamite's post, how you were born at 11 AM on 11th day of 11th month. If it didn't seem corny I'd ask what your lucky number might be....
    Talking of plums, with your cookery expertise, may I please ask you which variety would you say is best for cooking? I had some wonderful preserved plums in Japan and the taste was so familiar so I think someone made plums like this when I was a kid. But the taste was so strong, they must have been special cooking plums.

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    1. Hey there, Jenny. That stripper probably wished he'd not been there! lol

      Re my birthday being my lucky number...I do always include 11 in my Lotto entries....I'm still waiting on the big win! ;)

      I think any plums are good for cooking purposes...each are as good as the other.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  17. Why do women act like that? Just plays into the idea that men have about us. Ridiculous, don't you think?

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    1. Hi Ms Thyme....I have no idea why they do...it's damn annoying. Yep! I do think it is ridiculous. Totally unnecessary.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  18. Having earned extra cash as a male stripper myself in the 1970's I feel enormous sympathy for the young man you bucked off so violently. He was only trying to provide a service to a bunch of middle-aged women and no doubt fortify his finances.

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    1. Well, Yorkie...I wasn't one of those "middle-aged" women at the time who found pleasure in such childish behavior...both by the other women present, and by the guy. And, the status quo remains to this day now that I'm an antique!

      You sure it wasn't you who attended that party? Did your blisters heal up okay? So that's how you got your sore knee!! :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  19. Hello there Lee
    Lovely to see you visit yesterday - the weather today is not quite the same. Cold wet and windy......certainly not springlike at all
    You know what they say - there are male strippers and there are male strippers. Some are good on the eye, others revolting! However I wouldn't know 'cause I've never 'been there done that '. Like many of us it's not my scene
    Bye for now
    Cathy

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    1. Hey Cathy...male strippers whether good on the eye or not are not my scene. I also can't understand why some drool over the calendars put out by the six-pack firemen. I respect what firemen do, but I'm not interested in the calendars.

      Today up this ways has been a lot cooler, thank goodness, than the past few days. It's supposed to last for a couple more days...but the heat will return again all too soon, no doubt.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  20. I'm with you too1 Love the plum fools recipe.

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  21. Hey there, Pat...great to see you. I hope all is well...cuddles to Bertie! Thanks for popping in. :)

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