‘APPY STRAYA DAY TO ALL OF YOUSE! OI! OI! OI!

 (Blow me down!  January, 2018 is almost at an end.  My post below is written tongue in cheek, which is far easier to do than if I tried to write it while sitting on my hands, by the way.  It is just a bit of Aussie humour.  Some of you will be able to decipher it...others...well, that may be another story.  No offence is intended...and I hope none is taken).

G’day! 

Strewth!  I’ll probbly get into trouble for callin’ all youse blokes an’ sheilas out there “blokes” an’ “sheilas”, but, fair crack of the whip!  Wot next?  

Has everyone gone bonkers an’ lost the plot lately?  They’ve all gone to the extreme an’ beyond by becomin’ blinded by political-correctness.  There’s a limit to everythin’, I tell ya!

Tell ‘em they’re dreamin’!  Can’t anyone take a joke no more?  

Soon we’ll be afraid to open our mouths – evah!   When it comes to some jackasses that wouldn’t be a bad thing! 

‘alf the time I’m standin’ around like a stunned mullet at some of the stuff that’s been goin’ on, an’ bin said.  Flamin’ galahs, the lot of ‘em!

There away with the pixies - the pixies must be havin’ more fun than I am. I better go an’ ‘ave a Captain Cook! 

Often I think there not the full quid - an’ I aren’t referrin’ to the pixies.  

Commonsense seems to be cactus.

If I’m not careful one of these days I’ll come a gutser.  I’ll  trip over me own jaw because it’s constantly fallin’ open to the ground in shocked amazement at what spews forth from the mouth of some dingbat or another.   It’s a wonder I don’t ‘ave gravel rash on me jaw!

I wish they’d all jest belt up – hit the turps; crack a tinnie; suck on a few - chill out, an’ gimme a break! 

With me mouth constantly open I’d make a bonzer fly-catcher.  I could hire meself out, an’ make a quid or two. Holy dooley! That’s a good idea!  Why didn’t I think of it before?  A bit slow, I reckon.

Nowadays when you’ve got a cold or the flu you’d probably get put in the clink for sayin’, “I’ve got the wog”!   Deadset!  

Things are changin’ around us; an’ not always for the better. 

As regular as after a dose of salts there’s always some yobbo bein’ precious; spittin’ the dummy, wavin’ his/her arms in the air protestin’ about somethin’ or rother.  

Often she/he (no gender neutral here) aren’t even aware the posters there wavin’ about are upside down!  D’oh!

Probbly ‘alf of ‘em don’t know what there protestin’ about...a mob of sheep followin’ a mob of sheep, an’ each don’t ‘ave a clue where there goin’!  

I feel like tellin’ ‘em to rack off!  They make me crazier than a cut snake!

Some of ‘em ‘ave been out in the sun too long, I think - they’ve gone troppo.   Bloody drongos!

Yeah! I’m ravin' an' ‘avin’ a whinge - carryin’ on like a pork chop - but, if I don’t let it all out, I’ll hit the plonk.  

‘ang on....better still...I’ll stay in me grundies, or me tracky dacks, an’ guzzle a few Bundies through Mundee, Choosdee, Wensdee, Fursdee, Fridee, Saddee an’ Sundee!   Sounds like a plan!

Fair dinkum! It might be fun bein’ a lush...if I was flush enough to be one, that is.  Too right it would!  No dramas!

I don’t know how a pork chop carries on, do you?  Do pork chops even carry on?  If youse ‘appen to see one bein’ a pork chop, gimme a bell.  No worries if ya forget.

It might explain the odd noises I ‘eard comin’ from me fridge last night.  It was the pork chops knowin’ they’re gunna be tossed on the barbie tomoz.  I reckon I’d carry on, too – spit the dummy - if that was me fate.  I’d scoot before it was too late!  

I shoulda took a peek. Sussed it out, an’ tried to calm ‘em down; but if I’d opened me fridge door they’d of gone off on the lam with the lamb chops! Then I’d ‘ave to go by shank’s pony to catch ‘em in the middle of the night!  Bugger that for a joke!

Plus I couldn’t find me...doovalacky....ya know wot I mean...me thingummyjig...me thingumbob...me whatsit...me torch!  Yeah....me torch!

Strike a light! I’ll be stuffed!  Now they wanna change the date of Straya Day!  Dinky-di! They’d steal the milk out o’ yer tea, if they could! 

I’m gunna change me birth date.  I’ll ‘ang onta the day an’ month, but the year needs ta go, if you get me drift...shave a few orf.  On me next birthdee I’d be chuffed to find I’d turned a few years younger. 

I’m gunna be flat chat in the mornin’ of Straya Day - puttin’ together a couple of platters to take with me to the “lane/court” pardee in the arvo.  

Us mob’ll be blowin’ the froth off a few, I reckon.  It’ll be an ‘appy mob...no ratbags among ‘em....’cept for me, probbly....  I’m not a two-pot screamer, though, if that’s wot ya thinkin’!

Ridgy-didge!  She’ll be apples!

I promise ya...I’ll be good as gold..  on me best behaviour at the bash.

I’ll whack on some lippy; grab me sunnies.  Not that I’ve got tickets on meself – I’m not skitin’ - but I reckon I’ll look like a bit of a spunk – a bit of orlright in me new slacks an’ top...with a few gold chains around me neck to set me outfit orf.    

We’ll all bend the elbow an’ chew the fat. We’ll have a few laughs, an’ ‘ave a good ole yarn, but no one will get paralytic. No booze bus needed.

Don’t be a pork chop!  Enjoy Straya Day!  She’ll be a bloody ripper, mate!

BBQ Lamb Shanks: Make paste; 1tbs paprika, 1-1/2tbs salt, 3-3/4tsp black pepper, 2-1/4tsp garlic powder, 3/4tsp each dried thyme, rosemary, oregano and ground ginger, 3tbs x-virgin olive oil, 2tbs soy sauce, 2tbs Dijon and 1tbs fresh lemon juice. Trim 4 lamb shanks; liberally coat with paste. Place in storage bag; chill 12hrs. Grill shanks on bbq; cook slowly1-1/4hrs or until cooked to liking.

Balsamic BBQ Lamb Chops: Cut off top of garlic bulbs; wrap both portions in foil; roast at 175C, 45mins.  When cool, squeeze garlic from top and bottom of bulb. Discard skins. Tie together 4 sprigs of rosemary. In saucepan, add ¾ balsamic. 1/4c brown sugar, rosemary, 2 birds eye chillies, or chilli flakes, cracked black pepper and mashed garlic. Bring to boil; reduce heat; simmer until reduced and syrupy. Discard rosemary and chillies.  Cool; pour over 8 lamb loin chops; coat evenly; chill at least 1hr, longer if possible. Grill chops; baste as you go.

BBQ Pork Chops: Combine 2tbs soy sauce, 1tbs chilli sauce, 1tbs toasted sesame oil, 1tbs brown sugar, 1tbs rice vinegar, 1tbs finely grated ginger and  1 grated garlic clove.  Reserve 2tbs; then stir in 1/2c hoisin sauce. Set half aside and add 1 to 2tbs water.  Sprinkle 4 pork chops and 1 red onion, cut into ½-inch thick slices with salt and pepper; place on oiled grill. Grill pork until slightly pink near bone. Grill onions; then place in a bowl. About halfway through grilling start basting each with hoisin mix. Grab 6 baby bok choy; halve; steam just until core has softened; season; then char on grill; add to onions in bowl; gently toss with reserved ginger sauce. Serve chops with the vegies and reserved hoisin mixture. 

Merry Matilda:  Blend 1-1/2c frozen mango, 1-1/4c frozen pineapple until smooth; add juice of 1 lime, ½c orange juice, 1/4c sugar syrup, 1c tequila, and ice as desired. 

Chill-Salt Rim:  Rub lime wedge around glass rims.  Dip into a mixture of chilli powder and salt (optional).