BEWARE…DANGER AHEAD!

I’ve said it before; I’m saying it again. I’ll continue repeating it ad infinitum. There are some who don’t need convincing! As I get older I’m becoming even grumpier that I ever was. Okay! So you’ve joined the long queue of those who are thinking: “How could she become grumpier than she already is?” (Take note of my confession, freely given; I admit to this flaw in my character; it’s not the only one)! I know what I’m talking about; I know the subject well! I’m not prone to lying or to embellishment; and most certainly not about this. If medals were handed out for grumpiness, I’d get one – every year! I’ll carry the can for being the original grumpy old woman! I discovered long ago it’s better to own up…to the good; to the bad; and to the ugly, when necessary! A couple of weeks ago I was having a welcome moment of being at peace with the world and all (well…almost all) who roam upon it. Savouring my harmonious mood, I was unaware that around the next bend a rude awakening stealthily approached; and I was in its line of fire. Seduced and wooed by the sun-caressed morning that was alive with carefree, feathered birds gleefully flittering to and fro, I’d slipped into complacency; I let my guard down.

Driving along on the left-hand side of Main Western heading south towards the show-grounds end, through no fault or cause of my own, I became really, really ridiculously grumpy (spoken in my best Derek Zoolander impression)! My feeling of peace and goodwill to all creatures big and small was suddenly and unexpectedly smashed to smithereens! As I came around a bend in the road, out of the blue, partly-obscured by the sun-filtered shadows heading towards me on my side of the road a gentleman of elderly repute aboard a mobility scooter appeared. For a brief moment I thought I was imagining the sight directly in front of me. Totally oblivious of all around him, the intrepid daredevil-risk-taker was on a mission. Nobody, including me and my car was going to deter or discourage him from his assignment. He must have been on his way to a very important date. Trundling along with his head down in a Casey Stoner-pose, he didn’t notice, nor did he blink when my car and I jumped high into the air before executing a swift movement to the right towards the centre line markings to get out of his way!

Palpitations of the heart can be exciting if they’re caused by the appearance of a mysterious, tall, dark, handsome stranger on the sunny (and correct) side of the street; but they’re no fun at all if caused by a gentleman of advanced years operating a mobility scooter on the wrong side of the track! There is a lot to be said about “living dangerously; living life on the edge”; just ensure it’s on the right edge! I was a “Happy Little Vegemite” up until that disturbing episode; after my encounter with the errant adventurer of an oblivious nature, I became very grumpy, you can be sure! It took a while before the colour returned to my face. The hair on my head is still standing stiffly on end in some places! It looks like I’ve been given a bad crew-cut by a one-eyed, inebriated hairdresser!

A Warning Before You Tread Further! The recipes below probably won't be of interest (or taste) to anyone living in the Northern Hemisphere.

Vegemite-Cheese Scrolls: Preheat oven 200C; grease biscuit tray. Process 2-1/4c S.R. Flour, 30g cold, chopped butter with salt and pepper; or rub butter into the flour using your fingers, until mixture resembles fresh breadcrumbs; add 1c milk; mix until just combined. Roll dough out to 30x45cm rectangle on floured bench. Spread generously with Vegemite; top with 1/2c grated cheese. Roll into a log; cut into 2cm slices; place side by side on tray; bake 15-18mins, until golden; serve warm.

Vegemite-Mustard Glazed Vegetable Kebabs: Combine 1-1/2tbs Vegemite, 1/4c Dijon mustard, 1tbs brown sugar and 1tbs oil. Cut 2 red onions and 1 baby eggplant into eighths, half 4 small yellow button squash, cut 1 large red capsicum into 16x2cm squares; cut 1 zucchini into 8 slices; grab 8 button mushrooms. Thread vegetables evenly onto 8 pre-soaked bamboo skewers; brush well with glaze; barbecue over med-heat, 6-8mins, brushing occasionally with glaze. Steak Sheila: Grab 4x180g eye fillets, halved horizontally to make 8 thin fillets; flatten out slightly. In two batches, cook fillets over high heat as desired. Remove from pan; cover loosely with foil; set aside to rest. Place the same pan over med-heat; melt 30g unsalted butter; add 3 finely-chopped shallots; cook, stirring 1min; add 2 finely-chopped garlic cloves and 120g sliced button mushrooms; add 1/4c brandy; flame; cook 2-3mins; add 3tsp Vegemite, 2tsp Dijon mustard and 125ml beef stock; cook, stirring 2mins. Add 1/2c thickened cream; season to taste; drizzle over steaks. Serve steaks with Sour Cream Mash; mash spuds with sour cream.

Avocado-Vegemite Toast: Spread toast with Vegemite; top with avocado slices.