Thursday, June 18, 2020

DON’T SQUAWK! LET’S WAWK THE WAWK, AND TAWK THE TAWK!















It’s an understatement to say English is a complex language. It masquerades under a multitude of guises. 

I’ll try my best to write wot I mean out right.  Having started this train thought, it’s my rite of passage to explain!  


See…sea…what I meen…ummm, mean? 

After this you might be left with a thoughtful and solemn mien if you understand the following.  You’ll see what I mean…..

“Word” is pronounced “werd”, not “ward”, or “wawd”.   “Word” doesn’t rhyme with Ord, the river in the Kimberley region of Western Australia. 

“Nerd” is “nerd” – why, then, isn’t “word” spelled/spelt… “werd”? 

“Heard” the “herd”?  

Blindly following the herd, many presently are shouting and hustling to be heard - part of the herd to be heard, solving naught.  

Instead of being rabble-rousers causing trouble, perpetrating violence, making matters worse, they ought to lay down their “sawds”. 

Why isn’t “sword” pronounced with the emphasis on “sw” as in “sweet”?

Hear me say…“Here I am!”

Please bear with me as I bare my thoughts; not my soul, nor sole…my thorts…“thawts”.  

If “bear” is pronounced “bair”, and not “beer”, why then is “hear” not “hare”, or “hair”, instead of “heer”?

“Dear” is “deer” - not “dare”, or “dair”.  Should “dare” be “d-ahh”?  “Are” is!  Why isn’t “are”, “air”, not “ahhh”?  “Hair” is “hair”.  Air is “air”, which makes sense because “air” is as it appears, even though air can’t be seen – not in any scene, so don’t tie yourself in a knot if you can’t see it.

 “Coup” is “coo”.  Due to no fault/folt of its own, “coup” lost its “p”; its right to be pronounced as written, and its right to sound like “ou” in “sound” and “couch…ouch!
Hey! After the coup they flew the coop in a coupé knocking over a bale of hay in the process!  

Said” is “sed”.  

And it is said that “shed” is shed, not “shaid. 

One is “wun”; “won” is “wun”.  “Won” doesn’t rhyme with “on”…“wan” does.  How can that be?  

“Two is “too”, and “to”, too!   (I sound like a train running beside a lane. I’ve popped a vein, I think!)

To make peace before I sat down to enjoy a piece of steak, I threw a slab of teak I’d used as a stake through the bushes before the usher saw me. He’d be sore at me.

As I did that, I spotted the “toff” from over the way fill the horse trough with worter/water.   His chilled only child lives down Childers way with his own two children.  

The father lives farther away, but he holds the reins. He reigns; but the kids don’t let him rain on their parade.

They produce the farm produce. They’d never desert the land for dessert, or when drought causes the ground to be like a desert – even if some are of the thought they ought.

The buck does stop with them.  Dear me! The buck skids to a halt when it spies the does on the deer farm nearby, and then it does a bolt. 

About to sow seeds, Joe saw the sow escape the pig pen. Joe was close to the door, but he forgot to close it.  

A dove dove into the shrubs to escape the sow.

 “I thought it’d already sown its wild oats,” Sue, sewing by the sewer, said to Stu.  On her lap were a shirt she’d sewn, and her phone.  Before beginning to sew she made a stew.

Confused yet?  I am…and I’m the one telling the tail…tale!

I’ll wind up now.  I have to close the windows.  A strong wind has begun to blow across the bow, and my bow has fallen from my hair...oh, yeah!

If I cood, I wood wound my wound tightly with a bandage, but I can’t because my aunt would taunt me, and start to rant.


Beef and Barley Stew: Season 1.5 to 2kg chuck or round steak, cut into suitable-sized cubes. Add 1tbs olive oil to large, heavy-based pot; heat over med-high heat; brown beef. Add 300g thinly sliced mushrooms, 8 large carrots, cut into pieces, 6 minced garlic cloves, 4 or 5 potatoes cut into pieces, 1 or 2 sliced celery stalks, 1 or 2 chopped onions, 6c beef stock, 1c dry red wine, 1/4c tomato paste, 2 cans tomatoes, 1tbs Dijon mustard, 1/4c Worcestershire sauce and 1or 2tsp mixed herbs or Italian herbs; stir in 3/4c pearl barley; add 1 or 2 bay leaves. Cover; reduce heat to low; simmer on stove top for a couple of hours until cooked through and full of flavour.  Remove bay leaf/leaves before serving.

Bourbon Steak aka Berbon or Bow-bon Stake: Season 4x3cm sirloin steaks; set aside 20mins. Rub steaks all over with Dijon mustard. Place steaks, 2 at a time, in a hot cast-iron pan over med-high heat; add 1tbs butter. Cook steaks until browned, and cooked as desired doneness; remove from pan; set aside. Repeat with remaining steaks. Bourbon Sauce (Berbon Source!): In small bowl, combine 1/3c bourbon, 1/4c soy sauce, 1tsp Worcestershire sauce, 1/4c packed brown sugar, 1/2tsp each, dried basil and dried rosemary; whisk. Add to hot pan; cook over med-heat for about 2mins, or until slightly reduced. Stir in 2/3rd cup half milk-half cream; cook a couple of minutes, until thickened. Remove from heat; place steaks back in pan; turn to cover – the steak that is; serve. 






31 comments:

  1. Aren't you glad you learnt English as a first language. Pity the poor so and sos who come to it as a second one.

    Hello Lee. I'm slowly coming getting around to visiting my fellow bloggers. Have been sulking for what seems like weeks now so have decided to get with the plan and accept what is What is it I'd really like to know because it changes day by day. Almost like one step forward then two backwards down here in Victoriia. It's been great to see your comments - part of the plan is to return to replying.
    Take care
    Cathy

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    1. Hey there, Cathy...it's always great to hear from you...and for me to read your blog.

      I agree...re learning English as a first language! I'm still learning it! lol

      I know what you mean about the "one step forward, then two backwards"....I think that is the dance being done worldwide. It's taken over from break-dancing, and the salsa! We all need a break, I reckon!

      Take good care...thanks for coming by. :)

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  2. The imaginary word ghoti is a testament to weird English pronunciation. How could it be pronounced?
    Fish.
    gh as in tough for the F
    o as in women for the I
    ti as in station (and a myriad of other words) for the SH.

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    1. wow, that really is a weird one.

      Delete
    2. Elmer Fudd and Tweety Pie both would have had lots of fun with that word!

      "In Finnegans Wake, James Joyce alludes to ghoti: "Gee each owe tea eye smells fish." (p. 299)

      In the constructed language of Klingon, ghotI’ is the proper word for "fish".

      In the episode of Batman "An Egg Grows in Gotham", Egghead uses Ghoti Œuf as the name for his caviar business, and Batman explains the reference to Robin.

      Ghoti Hook is a 1990s Christian punk band.

      Ghoti is used to test speech synthesizers. The Speech! allophone-based speech synthesiser software for the BBC Micro was tweaked to pronounce ghoti as fish. Examination of the code reveals the string GHOTI used to identify the special case."


      Thanks for coming by, ladies. :)

      Delete
  3. English is hard enough for those born to it, but those who have to learn it later get really confused. and not everyone born to it learns easily. I know a child, age 7, who has learnt the short sounds for a-e-i-o-u, instead of ay-ee-eye-oh-you, he knows a is for apple, so when he tries to read all a's are pronounced the short way as in apple, even for words like ball and wall, with similar mistakes for the other vowels within words. His mother doesn't correct him.....probably hopes that school will sort him out.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hi River...yes, it can be very confusing for the young, too...which is why it is so important to encourage them to read...and to read regularly to them...following the words as we go along.

      Thanks for coming by...again! :)

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  4. English is a problem at times, it's beyond me how people from different countries master our language. I'm often correcting the grandchildren who come and stay every second weekend but of course I do have to stop myself from doing it all the time. Their mum doesn't know any better nor does the school.
    Take care.

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    1. G'day, Margaret...Sadly, I believe it's not going to become any better...or any easier...with the way things are going.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  5. I hear people say Chinese is the hardest language - I think English is.
    And I love beef and barley stew - I am going to save that recipe.
    Thank you.

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    1. Hi Sandie...so many variations in the English language...varying spellings of words that sound and look similar etc., etc.

      It's stew weather here at present...misty showers falling and nice cool temps.

      Thanks for coming by...take good care. :)

      Delete
  6. Being from the Midwest, words have all sorts of pronunciations. Populations are mixtures of all over the place. My parents' ancestors came up from Kentucky in the mid1800s, bringing all sorts of language. Washington=Worshington

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    1. Hey there, Susan...It's there to keep us alert and on our toes! lol

      Take good care...thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  7. The English language is not easy … and then there are the many dialects too.
    Your beef and barley stew reminds me of one of my dear Grans recipes :)

    Take care, keep safe and well.

    All the best Jan

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    1. G'day, Jan...and the we go and toss in some Aussie slang just to confuse everything!!!

      Take care...thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  8. Anonymous4:18 PM

    I don't know about consistency in other languages, but I would really hate to try to learn English from scratch. My only answer to my workmates from all parts of the world when I was asked about certain words, I could only reply, there isn't any logic to it. That is just how it is. Teaching Indo Chinese to make the v sound was always such a struggle. That was a nice piece of fun writing.

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    1. Hey, Andrew...it's best we don't try to fathom it! lol

      Glad you enjoyed my bit of fun. Thanks for coming by...take care. :)

      Delete
  9. English is my third language after romanian and hebrew. I sometimes have to check spelling and meaning, but I do this lovingly. I have difficulty, though,with watching videos, because of accents that my ear is not used to, and make it difficult for me to understand.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey, DUTA....You're not alone...I have difficulties with accents, too...and mostly the accents in UK produced/created series...accents from the various areas throughout the UK! lol

      Thanks for coming by...keep taking good care. :)

      Delete
  10. Fun indeed. Ha. Ha.

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    1. We're all due for a bit of a laugh, I reckon, Sandra. :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

      Delete
  11. This is what happens when you take a Germanic language, add Latin and French, throw in the languages that existed in the British Isles before even the Germans got there, let the Vikings raid and add some of their words, then drag the language all over the world picking up a bit here and there from every language family there is.

    It comes out a mess, but a rather beautiful mess to me.

    Sorry i am so far behind in blog reading, i am trying hard to catch up!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey, messymimi...no need to apologise. I'm frantically trying to keep up with everyone, too. I'm hobbling as fast as I can! :)

      Yes...the English language is a mishmash...meant to keep us on our toes...on high alert!

      Thanks for coming by...take care. :)

      Delete
  12. Well I really don't know how you do it. It's not so much thinking up all the words which are so confusing as the way in which you show all the inconsistencies that drawers my admiration.

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    1. G'day, Graham! Maybe I've got too much spare time on my hands, or too wild an imagination! lol

      'Tis all a bit of fun.

      Thanks for coming by. Take care. :)

      Delete
  13. Gee, tell me about it. I participate in a senior citizens writing group and one of the members is a Russian emigre. Her job upon coming to this country was to translate Russian into English. Never ask her about it unless you have an extra hour or so to hear her woeful tales.

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    1. Hahahahaha! Hi Dave! Those kinds of people need to be given a wide berth! There are quite a few of them around, too!! :)

      Thanks for coming by...take good care. :)

      Delete
  14. Hi Lee, For a while there I was having trouble leaving comments. Just popped back to check and, sure enough, mine is nowhere to be seen. The language is difficult enough, add in technology and I'm done for. Great post, by the way!

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    1. G'day, Pauline. It is all a ploy...to confuse us...it works! :)

      Thanks for coming by...I hope all is well with you over there across The Ditch...take good care. :)

      Delete
  15. You've got some great examples here. I still get confused:)

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    1. Hey, Sandra...It is easy to become confused...so you are not alone! :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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