Monday, October 22, 2007

A Time To Vent...A Time He Went!





















Outback Vagabond

Stoically he traverses outback tracks unknown
With swag and blackened billy he wanders alone
Sun-bleached hair skin of leather wiry yet robust
Shielding his weary eyes from swirling red dust

Through the shimmering haze ahead a dry creek
As nightfall draws near the outcome looks bleak
Taking long strides determinedly he pushes on
Then he spies dancing brolgas beside a billabong

A restless sun peeps o’er horizon a new day dawns
The swagman stokes his campfire stretches yawns
His purpose lies at the end of an errant track ahead
What awaits fills him with pain sorrow and dread

(Paintings and poem by me)

I've been very remiss, this I admit. Time, or lack thereof, has been my enemy. Mix that together with a lack of motivation, what do you end up with?

Also, a friend has formed a habit of popping in on me every second day and it's beginning to drive me a little crazy, crazier than I normally am!

From reading my posts over the past few months, you may have gleaned that I enjoy my own privacy and space. I'm not one, and never have been, to "drop" in on people unannounced. And hate it when they do that to me. I don't need to be around people all the time, or have them around me. I'm starting to feel claustrophobic....and cranky!

Without offending the "offender", how do I explain my feelings to him? The silly part is, I'm being "offended" by his continual appearance at my door, and here I am feeling hesitant of offending him? I find myself with a perpetual knot in my stomach every time I hear a car drive up this private, one-way lane, hoping I don't hear a car door open and shut!

One of the things that really is starting to get under my skin and annoy the hell out of me is that those who know me well, know and understand my ways. This knowledge is known to my "offender", and yet he believes he has special dispensation!

Sorry, mate! You don't!

How do I let him know that he's beginning to (or has) step over the mark by appearing every second day on my doorstep? I don't want to hurt his feelings nor sever our friendship. He, his wife and I are good friends. We three get on well and always enjoy the special lunches we share together every now and then. I think his wife is glad to have him out of her hair for a while, but he's starting to get into mine and under my skin!!! I have to break him of this bad habit, without breaking our friendship. It's not my desire or want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Help! Here I am fearful of hurting his feelings, while mine are being angered and ignored!


29 comments:

  1. Lee
    Loved the paintings. I have not yet made 60 but every year that goes by I cannot understand the ones who think they have special privileges. I never have liked to drop in or be dropped in on.
    Don't invade my castle and I will do the same. Maybe you should start dropping in on him on the 2nd day and that way you will not be home.
    You may just have to come out and tell him how you feel and if he is truly a friend he will not be offended.
    Peace

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  2. Hi Lee, loved your paintings and your poem, sympathize with your problem but don't have a clue what to do about it.... short of just telling him not to call unannounced.

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  3. Hi Lee, Loved the paintings and poem. How long since I've heard the word brolga!
    I don't know what to do about the friend either. Perhaps you should ask him to telephone first as you are busy doing xxxxxx. Then if you put him off a few times he may get the message.
    regards
    jmb

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  4. Hi Lady Di, Peter and jmb...thanks for your comments and advice.

    I hate being caught between a rock and a hard place. It really annoys me when other people place me there! I'm going to have to make a firm stand, I think.

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  5. utoh.. sure hope he breaks his new habit soon! All i can think of is to somehow make yourself unavailable for a few days in a row and hope it breaks his habit?

    take a new canvas and paints and go out to paint a new picture..?

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  6. How bout... Now's not a really good time... perhaps later in the week? or... gosh.. I just have too much to do today... or.. lol.. perhaps you could sit him down and tell him straight?

    I had to do the same thing last week to a lady friend who got 'in my face' and as you know... I don't always play well with others. Specially if they make a bad habit of it.

    Take care Lee. xox Nic

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  7. Deslily...that's a good idea, except I don't believe I should go out of my home because of the actions of someone else! ;)

    Yeah...all of those, Nicole...why do people make it difficult???

    Thanks...I'll have a book full ideas before you're all finished! ;)

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  8. Beautiful poem and paintings.

    I have much the same disposition as you. I enjoy company and I am very social but I equally enjoy my time alone. I'm not much for passive/aggressive behaviour so telling him straight forward is what I recommend. But, if not, then you could greet him at the door busy and gruff from doing some odd chore and start giving some to him to do too.

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  9. Hi Lee ~~ Loved your paintings and also the poem. Your visitor is a problem - I thought Robbie's idea of giving him some jobs to do might scare him. Thanks for your comments and I am glad you got some rain. We still haven't had any such luck.
    Take care, Love, Merle.

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  10. Lovely paintinga and poem, Lee. I know exactly how you feel! I think you could gently tell your friend that, as you live alone, you are not used to people popping in unexpectedly and that you would appreciate a phone call first. You could say that sometimes you get really involved in creative work [which is true] and that if the "flow" is interrupted you find it difficult to restart - but that you would be glad to see him on a mutually agreeable date. It won't be easy to say this but you must or you will have a row! If he's a true friend, he will understand and if he's not, it's best to know now.

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  11. I don't know how hard they are to get down there but a few claymore mines should solve the 'drop in' problem.

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  12. Hi Robbie...I can be the "hostest with the mostest" and willingly so when the time is right, but my hospitality and good humour become stretched when my "space" is invaded uninvited! Meeting him at the door gruffly doesn't work...been there, done that! ;)

    The rain we got wasn't much at all, Merle...but there is promise of some tomorrow...I won't count my chickens before they're hatched, though. :)

    I just wish this dilemma hadn't risen, Welsh. He knows what I'm like and goodness knows, I've pointed it out enough times...obviously not enough! ;) All of what you say is spot on...I've just got to take a deep breath and state my case.

    Hahahahaha...that's the solution, gto. Thanks! :)

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  13. Hi Lee, I love the paintings and the poem. I have a very annoying neighbor that just walks in my house during the day she knocks once and just walks right in. It really pisses me off so I started locking my door and not answering it. She is a friend so it was hard for me but when she would call I would say oh I was not feeling well or I was just to busy to get the door she finally took the hint and stopped for now anyway. Good luck.

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  14. lee,
    A canundrum to say the least. I'm sure you'll handle it with success without any suggestions from me. You've handled much more egrecious and touchy situations before and you'll get by this one cleanly too.

    rel

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  15. Hi Shelly and Rel...my friend has just left after another visit! Oh! Dear! Now I'm off to drown myself under the shower! ;)

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  16. My question is "why is a guy who is married to someone else coming to see you every second day?" Sounds rather puritanical of me, but the wuestion is three all the same......!!!!!!!

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  17. It's nothing like you're onferring, Rebecca. There is no underhand or hidden agenda here. Paul just enjoys my company...he and his wife, Fia and I are very good friends. Paul is 75 years of age....enjoys a good debate and I believe, he feels he gets it with me. Fia knows every time that he is here...it's just who he is. He doesn't get on with a lot of people, I guess...he's pretty pedantic in his way. He's an ex-Berliner who has been in Australia for over fifty years now. He gets on with me and enjoys my company. And I enjoy his, too, but lately...he's just pushed the envelope a little too much. The three of us often dine together at either their home or mine, but he just likes to pop in when he's over shopping on this side of the mountain. Me, I'm not one for popping in on people and am not too happy about people popping in unannounced on me. It's a sensitive situation as I really do not want to hurt his feelings. I've dropped enough obvious hints but I think he believe they don't apply to him! lol

    As I said, there's no hidden agenda here...it's all above board and totally innocent.

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  18. Nice paintings Lee. Tough call on the friend. Does he read the blog? Guess not. Can you get a biting dog? I don't know how to tell him without offending him. Stop the popping Man.

    Maybe you could tell him you are seeing someone and it's best if he call before he come over.

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  19. No, he doesn't read my blog, CD. They don't have a computer. However, I did have this "page" up when he came over today and I had to quickly remove it when he looked over my shoulder. Perhaps I should have left it up! ;)

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  20. He's married and he calls in to see you every other day? Hm. Does he wife know? Or does she want him out of the way too? Could you hide under your desk and pretend to be out? I've done that before now.

    Okay and now I've read a previous comment and you say it's innocent and above board: I should have read that first. Looks like it's got to be under the desk for you then.

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  21. Upon further reflection on your problem, you are slipping. No one would have dared to do this to the Strangler! You need to re-establish your reputation and soon! Before you know it even encyclopedia salesmen will think it is safe to drop by. Try sitting there in silence and glare, while sharpening the tomahawk. :)

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  22. Ohhhh, look at the pretty, shiny paintings. You are SO talented.

    People dropping by unannounced irritates me, too. Every once in a while is okay, but when they do it regularly it becomes a problem. Alas, I don't have any sage advice for solving it. To say something could damage the friendship. What would happen if you simply failed to answer the door?

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  23. Yes, it is all so very innocent, Liz, albeit getting annoying!

    Hahahaha! Gto! I shall take your advice! ;)

    Serena...I'm going to have to do that a couple of times, I think, even though my car is out on view of everyone! That, however, doesn't necessarily mean I am home...I could have gone out walking...or perhaps someone could have swung by and picked me up! I could try hiding under the bed, but that's where I store George Clooney and it'd be a bit of a tight fit...umm...on second thought...what's wrong with that? ;)

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  24. What fabulous paintings, Lee and a very evocative poem too.

    I know just how you feel about people dropping in unannounced. Apart from my family and Jane, Fred and Ken, who are almost family, I can get quite hostile when people call in unannounced,thinking I am going to be so pleased to see them. If I'm in the middle of an "alone" period or are being creative, the opposite is likely to apply.

    I think you are going to have to be straightforward with your friend. However, as you mention that he is 75, he probably does want some outside interaction and you're it! Unfortunately, I haven't a clue how you can handle it...given his age and the fact that he obviously thinks of you as a very close and dear friend...sorry!

    Maybe having a quiet word in his wife's ear will do the trick...she may be more sensitive to your need for privacy.

    Good luck.

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  25. Hi Lee, Great paintings and lovely poem, as usual. Difficult with your older friend, sounds likes to me he is just lonely and craving company.

    I think your best to tell him the truth. I would say your fond of him, you like his company, but it’s definitely not your cup of tea to see him every second day. Say you also enjoy your own company and like to organise each day,
    suggesting he phone when he wants to drop in to check if you’re not already busy. Suggest you would only like to see him every few weeks or whatever you feel is Okay. I think you have been very considerate up to know, as it would drive most people mad!! , Don’t feel you have to apologise to him or even feel bad about it, as he is fortunate to have friend such as yourself, but it needs to be on a mutually reasonable basis.
    Be firm but friendly, make it light hearted or create joke out of it if you’re able, be aware of his feelings but above all make sure he understands.

    If he takes it badly it’s his problem, not yours! I guess you already knew all of this, trust your able to resolve it soon !!

    Best wishes

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  26. Hi Robyn and Lindsay...unfortunately I've done all of what you've said...I've made a joke of it. I've reiterated my stance on how I conduct my life and the way I like to be and am. I've underlined my enjoyment of my own company...all of what you've said, but he somehow believes he's not included, that's it doesn't apply to him. That's the wall I keep hitting. I know I'm going to have to be more direct (if that is possible)...but this time without a smile!

    I don't want to hurt him. I never go out of my way to hurt anyone. That is not my desire, but if I'm not firm in my forthcoming, I know I will end up exploding and that is not a pretty sight, nor will it have a happy ending.

    Thanks for your nice comments about my paintings and poem. :)

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  27. My daughter was amazed how talented you are. She said what wonderful drawings, paintings, poems, and then to top it off the cooking. She is inspired by all the things you do. Wonderful work Lee keep it up.

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  28. Have you spoken to this person yet? If not, you could try saying something along the lines that you appreciate his friendship, but feel a little uncomfortable about his regular visits, would he mind if he left it for you to contact him as you need to focus on work, etc.
    Good luck.

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  29. My idea to stop the offender without offending is, ....... make a pretty sign and hang it on your door, every-other-day. Have the sign read.

    Today is my private day.
    Thank you for coming up my lane.
    Thank you for understanding my need for privacy.

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