STOP THE WORLD...I WANT TO GET OFF!

 

Happy Birthday  to Remy and Shama

 

If, at the age of 90 William Shatner can do it, so, too, can I at the age I am! 

However, I want to go further afield than he did...to soar off into space for longer than 10 minutes...off to another planet, with my two furry besties a travel buddies.   I’m sure there’s a planet, somewhere out they in the galaxy beyond, more pleasant to live in than this one is at present. 

The behaviour of many inhuman humans does not impress me one little bit.   

For instance, the behaviour of low-life scum...the hackers who have not an ounce of decency, respect, or dignity...the worthless predators pretending to be from NBN (National Broadband Network for those in the Northern Hemisphere who would be unaware) who infiltrate the privacy and computers of others. 

These wastes-of-space invaded my privacy and computer the week before last...and I came out the loser.  I am hoping the situation will be rectified and I will be recompensed, but I am not holding my breath.

Anxiety, a nervous breakdown and a heart attack I do not need.  I WILL NOT allow those arse-holes to have the power over me.  They are worthless pieces of shit.  I make no apologies for my description of them.  I’m being a polite as I can be on this open forum.  In private, I am not as polite, I can assure you!

Each and every one of us has to be on high alert at all times. There are predators out there...and we, the decent people, are their prey.

I’ll let you know when I board the spaceship with Major Tom at the controls.   

There are some, I’m sure, who will be glad to see the back of me!  Take the other day, for instance...

There I was doing what I believe I do best...minding my own business...keeping to my own self; being the hermit I choose to be, and enjoy being...doing battle with a cryptic crossword.  Just as it appeared I was going to be the conqueror, a loud pounding on the door disturbed not only me, but the peace, the ever-present birds, and my two furry roomies.  

By the way, of most importance....

"Happy Birthday to my two feline mates, who turned 19 on 4^th November - they’re almost as old as me!”   

They are the loves of my life...I would be lost without them.

To the knocking on my door I responded in equal loudness to inform whoever was doing the pounding I was on my hobbling way.  To my surprise upon opening the door there stood two of our finest gentlemen in blue, their beaming smiles lighting up the day. Much to their surprise, like an apparition, there appeared I.  Having not expected visitors, let alone the cops, my teeth were nestled in their container on my bedside table where they spend most of their time when I’m alone, which is most of my time.  The tattered, old slacks I wore have seen far better days (I should toss them into the rubbish bin.  In my defence, they’re very comfortable).  My top was a garish mismatch to the slacks.  My hair was an ungodly mess.  I had been lounging on the bed doing cryptic crosswords, a pastime that didn’t require dressing up in my Sunday, or any day, best.  No fashion plate was I...not a contender for the cover of Vogue magazine!  Oh! Well!  It’s not the first time...and it won’t be the last.

The sight of me was enough to scare the living bejeezus out of Dracula, Frankenstein, Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger combined!  Hey!  I even scare the living daylights out my own self when I look in the mirror.  That’s why I gave up doing so years ago.  I hope no one arrives, unheralded today...even without glancing in a mirror, I know my appearance would inspire Stephen King to pen another book.  In anticipation, Wes Craven and John Carpenter would be fighting over the rights to direct the movie version; and, from above, out there in the galaxy beyond, Alfred Hitchcock would be adding his tuppence worth.

The cops informed me that a prowler had been reported as being seen prowling around this little lane in the wee small hours of that particular morning.  Another idiot roams free!!!  If I’d spotted him he would have been a headless idiot and I informed my visitors of that fact...to which they replied, still with beaming smiles, “Good on you, Lee!”

If I’d gone out into the street in my dishevelled garb and appearance I’d have been easily mistaken for one of the participating scarecrows during our local Scarecrow Festival.  I would also have been a perfect candidate for Halloween.   Pity the poor kids if any had seen me!  They’d still be running far beyond the distant horizon screaming their little lungs out.

On a far more serious note...be aware...take care, folks.  There are too many in this world who are not worthy of the title “human”.  Those who believe what is yours, is theirs.  For example, the lowlife wastes-of-space hacker leeches who pretend to be from NBN....

 

Out of This World Sandwich: To make the meatballs: place 100g chicken mince, a handful of chopped spinach, ½ crushed garlic clove, 1/4tsp oregano, 1tbs panko breadcrumbs and 1tbs crumbled feta in bowl; season. Mix gently until well combined. Shape into 2 even-sized balls; flatten slightly. Heat pan over med-heat; spray lightly with oil spray. Cook chicken 6-8mins or until golden brown and cooked through, turning occasionally. Remove from heat; set aside to rest. To make tzatziki: Place 500g Greek yoghurt, 2cm piece cucumber, grated, lemon juice to taste, ½ garlic clove, crushed, and 1/2tsp finely chopped dill or parsley in a small bowl; season; mix well. To make the salad: Place 4 halved cherry tomatoes, ½ diced Lebanese cucumber, ¼ finely diced red onion and ¼ yellow capsicum, diced, in a bowl; toss gently to combine. To serve; stuff one half of pita bread with small handful of spinach leaves, the salad and the chicken meatballs. Drizzle over the tzatziki.  Enjoy!

Yummy Burritos: Toss 2c raw chopped cucumber, tomatoes, onion, capsicum, 1/2c corn kernels and 1/2c grated cabbage and carrots in bowl; season with salt, pepper and 1/4tsp oregano. You can make your own wraps if you’re feeling industrious, or if, like me, you’re lazy, heat burrito wrap; place 1 hot burrito on plate; apply tom sauce, mustard sauce, and cheese spread. Place one hot burrito on plate; spread a spoonful of hot red kidney beans in centre; put two spoons of salad mixture on it.  Spread over some more mustard sauce; roll up...and enjoy this, too! 

 

 

 

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES....

 

 

Acrylic painting done by me a few years ago

 

 Both pics taken years ago when my mates were allowed outside for a brief moment or two.  They no longer go outside.

There are no roses hereabouts to smell. Instead, this morning, when I woke up, like every other morning, I woke to the sound of my male furry mate demanding I wake up!  Obeying his determined command, without further options, I woke.  And then his sister, my other furry mate woke, which meant the three of us were awake! 

I woke this morning, not only to my male furry, four-legged mate’s constant miaowing and his paw poking at my face, but also to the melodious sounds of birds singing in perfect harmony.  Through the trees the sun, in all its morning glory, sparkled like diamonds. There was no scent of roses, though.

As with the previous 70 odd mornings over the years, (and there have been quite a few “odd” ones, I can assure you...the count will be 77 very soon!) seeing I was awake, I couldn’t drag out the inevitable any longer.  From my/our bed I climbed, grumbling under my breath...and above it.  Following a joyful yippee, or three, from my two furry buddies... not from me...once I rose to greet the day, I headed to the kitchen for my daily juicing of oranges...for me, not for them.

Faster than Usain Bolt, my two CEOs beat me to the kitchen, not for juice, but for their breakfast. Do they honestly believe I’d not give them breakfast?

As always, by their speed of light pace, one would swear they’d not had a feed in a week.   They are of the misguided belief that every time I go to the kitchen my doing so means it is feed time for them.

Both have me wrapped around their furry clawed paws.  Little resistance is given by me.  What’s the point?  After 19 years, both have me well-trained.  I succumbed, and waved the flag of surrender many years ago. 

By the way...another thing...it’s okay for them to have a catnap.  What can I have?  I’m not a grandmother, so I can’t have a nana-nap!

Returning to this morning...duly woken, once I rose, I wondered what I would do for the rest of the day.  There were no roses offering up their scent to my nose...and then, I remembered the headline of a newspaper article I’d read a couple of days earlier.  It said:  “Take a Bath...for your mental health”.   So that is what I did.  However, to my surprise and dismay, I got arrested for stealing.   Never again will I be in a hurry to follow instructions of newspaper articles.  

By the skin of my teeth I escaped a harsher penalty than the one handed out to me.  Hang on! I didn’t know teeth had skin!  I’ve always of the belief teeth have enamel.  Apparently, one is never too old to learn something new.

The current, popular phase...the over-use by some within our society of the word “woke” annoys the hell out of me.

 “Woke”, not “Grease” seemingly is the “word”.  I think it’s time many woke up to themselves...paused, and grabbed a few moments to smell the roses, whether there are some or not.  It’s time to take a temporary (or permanent) respite to have a look around...to stop blindly “following invisible, faceless ‘trendsetters”.   All of a sudden, without prior warning, the word “woke”, in its present connotation, began being tossed about willy-nilly by every Willy and nearly every Nilly...but not by me, silly! 

After I woke this morning it wasn’t roses I could smell, but the singeing of raisin bread in my toaster!       

 

Gluten-Dairy Free Raisin Bread: Preheat oven to 350°. In a large bowl, whisk 2c gluten-free plain flour, 3/4 cup sugar, 1-1/2tsp baking powder, 1/2tsp baking soda and 1/4tsp salt. In another bowl, whisk 2 large eggs, 1c coconut milk, ½ canola oil and 1tsp vanilla until blended. Add to flour mixture; stir just until moistened. Toss 1c raisins with 1tbs gluten-free flour; fold into batter. Transfer half of the batter into greased 9x5-inch loaf pan. Combine 2tsp cinnamon and 1-1/2tbs sugar; sprinkle half over batter. Repeat layers; cut through batter with knife to swirl.  Bake, 45-50mins. Cool in pan, 10 mins before removing to wire rack to cool completely.

Currant-Raisin Bread: Sift 7-1/4 bread flour and1tsp cinnamon into large bowl. Make a well in centre of the flour. Add 4 packets active dry yeast and 2tsp white sugar to the well; pour in 1/4 cup lukewarm water. Let stand until yeast begins to foam, about 5 mins. Stir 3/4c lukewarm water, 1c room temp milk, 2 eggs, and 1tsp salt into flour mixture until dough comes together. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface. Add currant mixture; knead until evenly incorporated and dough is smooth and elastic, about 5mins. Transfer to a bowl; cover with a damp cloth. Let rise in a warm place until doubled, 45mins to 1 hour. Grease two 9x5-inch loaf pans lightly with butter. Flatten dough gently and shape into 2 loaves. Place 1 loaf in each pan; cover with a damp cloth. Let rise in a warm place until puffy, about 45mins. Preheat oven 175C.  Bake loaves until firm and dark brown, about 45mins. Invert onto a wire rack to cool completely before slicing, about 1 hour.     PS....add a broken up cashews to the ingredients, if you desire.

                                                                                               

 

MY WANDERING, PONDERING, WONDERING MIND....

 

                                                                     

I’m constantly scratching my head.  Lousy lice or flaky dandruff are not the cause for my head scratching.  One plus, strange as it may seem to some, is I don’t get any splinters.  

An important issue causing me concern is Superman’s welfare. His privacy must be protected at all costs.  Superman’s right to modesty must be respected. With almost everyone these days, other than me, with his/her head buried in mobile phones, the lack of phone boxes is a major worry.  Therein lays my dilemma.  Where can Superman change into his super-duper, freshly ironed costume in readiness to fly off to save the world?  And, let’s face it, the world does need saving!  When necessity demands Clark disrobe, and he isn’t allowed privacy, what hope is there?  It’s impossible for him to change in a mobile phone case! Who can we rely upon to save the world if not Superman?  The proof is in the pudding...just look around you.  I live on a lane, but I’m not Lois.  Maybe he could swing by my place to change outfits when the need arises.  Knowing my luck, it’d be Mighty Mouse who’d turn up!

Many other things intrigue me.  Why do characters in movies and TV series, when popping pills, throw their heads back with forceful gusto?  Is such a vigorous jerking action to force the pills down their throats necessary?   Neck braces must be mandatory on film sets for when the actors put their necks out...which are regular occurrences I suspect.  I swallow vitamin supplements daily. Never have I found it necessary to forcefully throw my head back to assist in the swallowing of same.    

Another thing causing my head scratching is the characters never push their chairs back in upon leaving the table.  I wait with bated breath to see if it will occur.  Still I wait. Apparently, these days, like phone boxes, pushing one’s chair back in when leaving the table is old hat. 

The fanning of faces with hands when flustered always has me wondering, too.  How does all that hand flapping help, or is it just for effect?  To me, it’s an annoying affected affectation.   

Back to mobile phones over-taking the world...because everyone these days in series etc., are texting instead of speaking, a magnifying glass is needed by the viewer to enable one to decipher the damn script.  In the majority of the cases the print is too small for even the most eagle-eyed of eye to read.  It’s on those myriad instances I’m thankful I have a vivid imagination.  It allows me to ponder a while before inventing my own script!

Perhaps I over-think things too much, too often...maybe I should just flow with the flow, free-wheeling along the stream, allowing the mere bagatelles be what they be.  Que sera, sera! What will be, will be!

 I could screw a roller-blade onto the end of my walking stick to enable me to keep up with the times.  Nah! I don’t want to keep up with the times.  The present time isn’t crash-hot.

 With that being the case, by choice, I’ll remain back here, or there, where, in my opinion, the music was/is far better. 

Being a day-dream believer, doing it my way, I ain’t misbehavin’ on the sunny side of the street, nor in stormy weather.   

Oops! Hang on Sloopy! Here comes the sun, and now I can see strawberry fields forever. Don’t stop until you get enough! If I was at the bay, I’d be sitting on the dock with raindrops falling on my head.

 

Feta-Strawberry Salad: Combine 2tsp Dijon mustard, 1tsp honey, 1 small, minced shallot and 2tbs red wine vinegar; add 1/3c x-virgin olive oil; season. Put 12c packed assorted baby lettuces in bowl; add 4c sliced strawberries, 1c crumbled feta and 1c chopped smoked almonds; drizzle dressing over salad, toss well.

Salmon Fillets with Strawberry Relish: Brush 6 salmon fillets with melted butter; season. Heat skillet over med-high heat; add fillets, skin side up; cook 2-3mins per side or until fish begins to flake easily with a fork. In small bowl, toss 1-1/4c finely chopped strawberries with 1tbs minced fresh basil, 1tbs honey and dash of freshly-ground pepper. Serve salmon with relish on side, or over fillets.

Strawberry Mint Chicken: In saucepan, mix 1tbs cornflour, 1tbs sugar, 1/8tsp nutmeg, 1/8tsp pepper and 1/2c water until smooth; stir in 1c coarsely-chopped strawberries and 1/2c white wine or white grape juice. Bring to boil; reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, 3-5mins or until thickened and strawberries are softened; stir occasionally. Remove from heat; stir in 2tsp minced mint. Season 4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves. On lightly oiled grill rack, grill chicken, covered, over med-heat 5-7 mins per side; brush occasionally with 1/4c sauce during last 4mins. Serve with remaining sauce.  

Very Berry Trifle: Beat 1/2c heavy cream, 1/c icing sugar, 1-1/2tsp vanilla and1/4tsp almond extract until soft peaks form. In large trifle dish (or individual glasses), layer 8-10 cubed pound/sponge cake, whipped cream, 454g sliced strawberries, 180g each, raspberries, blackberries and blueberries and 1/2c raspberry or strawberry jam (warmed for easy pouring. Layer it anyway you like.