EMBRACE LIFE…EMBRACE A LIFE WORTH HAVING KNOWN…EMBRACE THE MEMORIES…FOREVER

A friend from my past; of nigh on fifty years ago in my past, to be exact, tracked me down a few weeks ago; perhaps a couple of months ago, knowing how rapidly time disappears as it turns every second into the past! These days it seems a year that once contained 12 months, no longer is as long.

I touched on my reconnection with an old friend briefly in an earlier post, I know; but so many memories; so many thoughts have been stirred and shaken these last few weeks. Sorry, Mr Bond!

Every day since he and I met up again through the marvel of the internet, we’ve been corresponding in great depth and length; and within that “depth” and “length”, my new-old friend has tossed a lot of questions my way; questions that have caused me to delve deeply into my past…a past that began long before he and I knew each other in our heady teenage years; and continued as each day passed through all the intervening years between then and now.

I’ve answered many of his questions; and there are many more awaiting a response from me; I know he has a bank full of queries still to be asked of me. This has caused me to wonder in answering some questions - where do I draw the line between loyalties? I believe in honesty; but I also believe in protecting those I hold dear, and I wonder if I do, in fact, have the right to discuss them without their knowledge or permission; even if they’ve passed from this world.

My mind is always very active, but lately it’s been working overtime!

Isaac Newton once declared…(If the truth be known, he probably declared similar more than once)…“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”…or words to that effect.

Because of our reconnection, my friend from the past and I have covered a lot of ground, with much more territory to cover, no doubt. We would both make great turf-layers if the amount of ground we’ve covered is an indicator; and we still have much to cover!

From our correspondence and prompted by the strangeness of life (and I’m unable to explain how or why a lot in life happens); I asked my friend one day if he knew of a particular family who lived in the town where he spent his childhood...Maryborough. The youngest daughter of that family had been a member of my staff when I managed the resort at Cape Richards, Hinchinbrook Island. And, because “life” is so in-explicitly weird at times, he did, in fact, know the family. Proof again that life is very strange. The family lived down the road from where my friend ran a corner store years ago. And, the young lady I enquired about was just a little girl at the time; the youngest in a close-knit Catholic family. As a child, she shyly spent time in his shop; her keen eyes longingly caressing the lolly jars.

Bronwyn (Bronnie) was her name.

Bronwyn and I first met in Noosa when I owned and operated a greengrocery/healthfood store in Hastings Street. Bronnie worked in “Miss Piggy’s”; a take-away shop in the same complex as my business. Often when on a “break”, Bronnie popped into my shop for a chat and a freshly-baked muesli cookie; or perhaps a slice of carrot-pineapple cake, still warm from the oven. She was a sweet young lass; quite young for her years compared to some of her peers.

When Bronwyn heard that I was leaving Noosa to take up the management of Hinchinbrook Island’s resort she rushed into my shop one morning; she pulled up the old Bentwood chair, and with determination in her eyes, she pleaded with me to give her a job; for me to take her with me to the island.

“Bronnie,’ I said. “You have to realise that island life is going to be so much different to your life here in Noosa. All your friends are here. Your Mum and Dad are here. You go out all the time with your mates to the clubs etc; you go surfing; you go partying. There’ll be nothing like that on the island. Island life will be totally and completely different to your life here in Noosa! There'll be only a handful of us living on the island…probably no more than 12, maybe 15 at peak times…work mates; you'll be living in each others' pockets There are no roads on the island; no vehicles; no shops…no nothing! Other than the guest cabins, the restaurant and the staff quarters, there is little else! Do you think you could handle that?”

She kept trying to interrupt me with her arguments "for" her desire; and I kept bringing up all the “cons” in an attempt to make her understand the remoteness of life on Hinchinbrook Island. Hinchinbrook was like no other island resort. “The only footprints on the beach will be your own”; “maximum population 30”; and “a million miles from everywhere” were its mantras.

I recognised immediately that I was fighting a losing battle; but with one last charge, I said:

“Bronnie, I want you to go away; sleep on this overnight or longer, if you wish…longer would perhaps be the better idea. I want you to really, really give this a lot of thought. Weigh the pros and the cons; and then come back to me. Give it a lot of thought; don’t look at it through rose-coloured glasses. I’ll make my decision when next I see you.”

I had a very strong inkling that her mind was already made up. No matter what I said, my chances of changing her mind were very slim!

First thing next morning…there she was; a broad smile on her face as she bounced into my shop, full of vim and vigour; and positivity! I knew from the look upon her face that I was the loser in the battle. I’d been defeated, fairly and squarely! However, as it turned out, I ended being the winner; or better still….both Bronnie and I were winners. We tied for first place!

A month or so later, having sold my shop and my much-loved, difficult-to-part-with 1958 MG Magnette Varitone; and after having tied up or snipped off all other loose ends, I headed north to the tropics to begin a new adventure. Shortly thereafter, Bronwyn also arrived ready for whatever lay ahead for her.

During the first few weeks of my debut into island life the resort was closed to the public while certain necessary construction work was carried out. A new, large timber deck with sturdy wooden tables set permanently into it was erected around the pool. A section of the deck cantilevered out beyond the beach below.

Cyclone Winifred had passed through Mission Beach, just north of Hinchinbrook shortly before my arrival. Fortunately, the only major damage suffered by the resort was the old jetty. It was destroyed by the cyclone’s fury; but “Winnie” actually did us a favour. A stronger, larger jetty replaced the old, rickety one.

A week before the resort was due to open once again to guests, Bronwyn’s 21st birthday was due. It was evident to all she was eager to celebrate. I knew she was feeling homesick for her family and friends, and her longing was even more so at this major time in her life.

She kept hinting, quite vocally, and often, valiantly trying to learn if I had anything planned for her special day. Being one who is quite fond of teasing, I kept a straight face each time she asked what I had planned for her. Without flinching, my somewhat curt answer each time was:

“I’m very sorry, Bronnie; but you can see what’s going on around here. We’re all so busy…everyone has their time cut out for them! We’re racing against the clock! I just don’t have time to plan anything for you; not at this point! None of us has any time for anything other than trying to get all this work done; getting the resort ready for its re-opening on 8th March is difficult enough without me having to plan a party! I’m so sorry, Bronwyn, but that’s just the way it is. Perhaps I can organise something further down the track.”

I stayed strong; I remained stoic each time I saw her face fall; every time I witnessed the disappointment in her eyes; but I had a surprise party all planned for Bronnie. Unfortunately for her, she was going to be the last to know!

It was difficult to remain impassive; indifferent; and every time she asked, I felt so bad inside; but I must be honest - at the same time I was having fun because I knew that come the time of the party, Bronnie would be thrilled to pieces by what I had planned, All her pain and dashed hopes caused by my subterfuge would be worthwhile in the end!

My strategy was set in stone; and nothing and no one was going to divert me from my course and mission; not even the disappointment clearly shown on Bronwyn’s face, day after day; time after time. Her hints had soon turned into heartfelt pleas; but she was thwarted at every post! My determination was greater than hers! I refused to surrender!


The tradesmen employed to erect the deck and build the new jetty joined the resort staff at meal times. My staff spent their days eagerly tending to the finishing touches around the restaurant and guest cabins in readiness for the arrival our first merry holiday-makers. There was an electric buzz in the air.

A long table was set up in the restaurant, and each meal time, like a big family, everyone gathered together around the table sharing their stories. Laughter and much chatter normally filled the air.

Come breakfast time on Bronnie’s big day she was the last to arrive down from the staff quarters. While waiting on her appearance, I urged the rest of the staff to ignore the fact that it was her birthday; for them to pretend the day was no different to any other. Our act was going to be carried out to its not-so-bitter-but-very-happy-end! Everyone knew what I had in store, so they willingly went along with the fun, games and deceit. No one wanted to let the cat out of the bag. And, anyway, I had a far more exciting surprise awaiting Bronnie than a cat in a bag, or a “Jack-in-the-Box”!

Bronnie finally made her entrance, dragging her feet behind her. Hardly anyone raised their heads when she sat down at the table. Each gave a bit of a grunt in recognition of her joining them, before continuing with their conversations and breakfast cereals. Her face grew longer by the second, and more sombre by the minute. I excused myself from the table and went into my office that was behind the bar to collect a gift-wrapped box. I returned to the breakfasting group armed with the parcel.

Bronnie’s eyes lit up when I handed her the box; but her delight was short-lived; it quickly changed into shocked horror. Upon opening the box out jumped two cane toads! She let out a loud scream while simultaneously leaping out of her chair. She jumped higher than the toads! The toads, relieved at being released, hopped across the restaurant floor on their way to freedom. Everyone broke out in uproarious laughter …except Bronwyn. With happy birthday greetings gleefully following her, in a huff, she stomped out of the restaurant and away from all of the offenders; and she refused to talk to anyone for the rest of the day! Little wonder; but her best surprise was still in store. And I knew that she had no idea what lay ahead for her. It was as I’d wanted and planned it to be. Everything was going along so smoothly. How mean can one person be?

The day passed uneventfully. I’d asked the staff to go about their business as if it was a normal day, but to finish up a little earlier in the afternoon than they usually did; to give them time to shower, change and arrive back down at the restaurant/bar and deck in readiness for the grand celebration. Bronwyn, still sulking, naturally arrived down much later than her co-workers! At one point, I thought she wasn't going to turn up!

The look upon her beautiful face was worth all the pain; the agony; the hurt; the shock I’d put her through when she finally did show! She was so happily surprised. Her excitement was unbridled. She’d not even had the slightest, tiniest suspicion that anything had been planned for her birthday.

To this day, I can still feel her embrace; and I can still hear her words of thanks. All was forgiven; I was forgiven!

She’d never been to a live concert, so one of her “real” birthday presents was two tickets to Dire Straits live in concert on 2nd April, 1986 at Dean Park, Townsville. Amongst other gifts, a bottle of Bourbon was a fine substitute for cane toads, too.

Bronwyn banished her homesick-birthday-blues that night by celebrating high-spiritedly on the deck at Cape Richards’ Resort, Hinchinbrook Island. Surrounded by her group of new friends, her newly-found work-mates - all of whom came to love her; she and all who shared in her 21st birthday celebration had a wonderful, fun-filled evening under sparkling stars lined up in chorus to a silver moon; with the sounds of the ocean serenading in the background. How could one not have a great time in those conditions?

That night was only the beginning of many more adventures; of many more stories yet to be told; of many memories that will remain embedded in my mind; and in my heart...forever.

Bronwyn had something special about her; a light glowed from within; brightly she shone with eagerness, excitement and expectations of what lay ahead.

I received word from Bronnie’s husband last night, Saturday 4th August, 2012;
Bronnie passed away on Friday evening, 3rd August, 2012…at 10.25 pm, at the Mossman Hospital. Bronwyn was 47 years of age.

Bronwyn not only has left behind her husband, Brett and their four, wonderful children, ranging in age from 19 years to nine years; but she has left behind many, many loving, fun memories and many good friends.

All of these are her legacy.

Bronwyn embraced life…I hope she can feel my embrace, now.


Orchid Beach, Hinchinbrook Island

HANDS DOWN CONCRETE EVIDENCE THAT SHE’LL BE APPLES!

I never had a burning desire to travel overseas. I lacked that particular gene! I was just a broad who didn’t habour a need to go abroad! As my peers jumped aboard Qantas Boeings or queued for berths on ocean liners to head off to intriguing foreign shores, I blissfully bade adieu from the sidelines, not in any way envious of their wanderlust.

Later down the years I did trip briefly to Singapore, Papua New Guinea and across the ditch to annoy our Kiwi mates. I’ve grappled an apple or two on the Apple Isle, but other than those sojourns, my heart and feet have contentedly and firmly remained planted on Aussie (sorry, Tassie) soil, sand, and, once or twice, in mud; and I’ve not forgotten the time I planted my hands in wet cement; it’s set like concrete in my mind.

The setting for this story is Collinsville.

My employer, Morris Catering held the catering contract with Collinsville Coal, a subsidiary of MIM. I was Chef-Manager of the single men’s mess and accommodation. With the growing number of heads (and stomachs) more storage was needed to house dry goods, etc. I decided a free-standing shed was the answer to my problem. To execute my plan I hired a local handyman. A strange little man, he reminded me of that wonderful British actor of old, Edmund Gwenn aka “Kris Kringle” in the original(and best) “Miracle on 34th Street”. He also appeared in “Lassie Come Home”. Gwenn mostly portrayed kindly, gentle souls in his many movies. The similarity between the mild-mannered actor and my handyman proved to be superficial and short-lived. My “Jack-of-all-trades” became more like a cranky garden gnome than Mr. Gwenn.

When my odd, odd-job-man finished laying and levelling the cement for the floor he headed off to attend to another job elsewhere with the intention of returning the next day after the floor had dried. The plan was that once the shed and the shelves were in place, without delay and further ado, the area would be loaded to the hilt with cartons of dry stores, crockery, bed linen, towels and the like. As soon as “Odd-Job” left to attend to his other chores, I expressed to my staff my life-long desire to leave my imprint in wet cement! I pointed out that we’d never get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but our chance at emulation lay begging at our back door! Like mythological sirens luring innocent sailors, the lure of the wet cement was impossible for us to ignore. Our boss-employee bond was cemented that afternoon; and any future relationship with the handyman was shattered!

“Grumpy” was not amused upon his return the following morning! Mumbling under his breath, but loud enough for all in range to hear, he begrudgingly redid the floor, destroying our artwork forever! Immediately the job was completed, cartons and all manner of other items covered the shelves and the floor making it nigh impossible to espy!

After the shed affair, I shed the odd-job bloke! Some folk just can’t take a joke!

Pickled Pork with Stewed Apples: Stir 1/2c caster sugar, 1/4c cider vinegar and 1/2 cup water over med-heat until the sugar dissolves; bring to the boil; add 3 delicious apples, cut into wedges; cook until just tender; set aside. Place 1kg pickled pork in saucepan; cover with cold water; toss in some peppercorns, whole cloves, 1/2c cider vinegar, 1 cinnamon stick, 1tsp dry mustard, 2tbls brown sugar, 1 whole onion, 1 carrot, 1 celery stalk. Bring to the boil; reduce heat; simmer 2hrs. Drain. Serve sliced pork with apples, syrup.

Apple Coleslaw:Combine 380g thinly-sliced white cabbage, 4 coarsely-grated red apples, half a small red onion, finely-chopped, 1 finely-chopped celery stalk, celery salt, 1tsp finely-grated lemon rind and 2tbs lemon juice. Whisk together 1/4c crème fraiche or sour cream and 1tbl natural yoghurt; add to slaw; gently toss to combine; season.

Sweet Potato-Apple Tart: Preheat oven 200C; line baking tray with baking paper. Cut 2cm border around edge of 1 sheet thawed puff pastry, cutting only halfway through; transfer to baking tray. Combine 300g fresh ricotta and pinch cinnamon until smooth. Spread over pastry leaving 2cm border. Cut 150g kumara into 5mm-thick slices; cut 1 pink lady apple similarly; arrange slices over ricotta; brush with melted butter; sprinkle over 1tbl brown sugar. Scatter over 2tsp fresh rosemary leaves. Bake 30mins until golden. Serve warm.

Apple-Mint Sauce: Combine 6 Granny Smiths with 2/3c sweet white wine, 2tbs sugar over low heat; cook 5mins. Increase heat; boil, covered 10mins; puree; add 3tsp chopped mint; serve warm or chilled with pork.

PAST DISCOVERIES DISCOVERED

Uh-oh! It is true! The past does come back to haunt; mine has just bitten me in the butt. I have nowhere to hide! All escape routes are blocked! The past finds us (if we’ve done no wrong; we’ve nothing to worry about). No one is immune. Like a giant octopus trolling for prey, tentacles of the past will find us and suck us in. My past has caught up with me – again! It all began with a Gympie house fire that destroyed an historical old home; one that in the distant past I had ties to during my childhood and teen years. No! I didn’t start that fire; but I did reignite the embers under some members of my past!

Many role players from years gone by eventually find me. My attempts at disguises and false bread trails fail. I could disappear over the far horizon en route to the ends of the earth and beyond; I could go as far away as to be close enough to get a whiff of the sulphurous fumes of Hades - I’d still run into someone I know! There are people who disappear off the face of the earth never to be found; not me! I could change my identity; inject bucket loads of Botox; have a few chin lifts; raise my eyebrows; swap my lips for Angelina’s and I’d still be recognised! I’m easier to find than King Tut ever was! I must admit that I, too, am pretty good at finding people no matter how hard they try to remain hidden; even if they change their phone numbers! No place or person is safe from me when I start sniffing around for clues. No stone remains unturned; no shrub undisturbed; no hedge untrimmed. However, a few weeks ago, the tables were turned on me…again! A friend I’ve not seen for nigh on 50 years tracked me down. He’d obviously read my book; “Don’t Shirk from Being Sherlock”! I wrote it after I trained Sherlock Holmes! I taught old Sherl everything he knows; all his sleuthing tricks – I taught him those!

My long-lost friend gathered together a posse who, in turn, successfully fulfilled their tender. I was hog-tied and led to “He, the Seeker”. Every day since the successful outcome of his hunt we’ve exchanged lengthy missives. The cyber highway has been clogged. We have half a century of stories to share; many memories and so much more. We’re learning more about each other through our present day correspondence than we did in the heady days of our youth when we were too busy heeding the challenge; “How low can you go?” Time after time we defiantly conquered the limbo pole before twisting the nights away at Gympie’s record hops. Chubby Checker would’ve been proud of us!

There is no doubt that the “Six Degrees of Separation” theory exists. Since our reconnection my friend and I have discovered we have many people in common with whom we had separate dealings throughout the years. Until now, neither of us was aware of the other’s connection. We’ve learned we’ve walked many parallel paths. It’s true! All of us are closely linked once we begin a dialogue. This rekindling of a past friendship has caused me to glance over my shoulder; not only into the distant past, but also to the near past; seeing both through different eyes; and I thought: “Being young is when the future takes forever to arrive; being young is when the past is yesterday or only a minute ago; eagerly forgotten; old age is when the past is remembered with nostalgic clarity!

Char-Grilled Octopus: Thoroughly wash 8 (about 250g) cleaned baby octopus under cold running water; drain; pat dry. Combine 1/4c dry white wine, 2tsp x-virgin olive oil, 2 large garlic cloves, crushed, 1tsp mild paprika and 1 finely-chopped red chilli; season; add octopus; toss; cover; chill 30mins. Preheat char-grill on high. Drain octopus; pour marinade into small saucepan; cook octopus on grill, 4-5mins, turning once or twice. Season marinade; bring to boil; cook 1min. Place octopus on dish; pour over marinade; serve with lemon wedges.

Italian-Inspired Octopus: Bring large pot of salted water to boil; add 500g small or large octopus; return to boil; cook 1-2mins; drain. Cut octopus into large pieces; sauté in 4tbs olive oil over med-heat, 2-3mins; add 4 chopped garlic cloves; sauté 1-2mins. Add 1c white wine; bring to boil over high heat; reduce, 3-4mins; add 1c crushed tomatoes, or peeled, chopped fresh tomatoes and 1tsp chilli flakes; bring to simmer. Add 1tsp salt, 2tsp honey or sugar; cover; simmer 30mins. Add 2tbs capers, optional, 4tsp chopped parsley and 2tsp chopped fresh dill; if octopus is still chewy, cover pot; simmer up to 45mins more. About 10mins from being done, uncover pot; turn up heat to reduce sauce; add cracked black pepper; serve with pasta or crunchy Italian bread or a hunky Italian!

Pickled Octopus: Simmer 1kg large, cleaned octopus in 3/4c water, 1hr. Place octopus and liquid in bowl; chill. When cold drain octopus from liquid; cut into thin slices. Toss octopus through 1/2tbs chopped thyme, 150ml red wine vinegar, 150ml olive oil, 1/2tsp smoked paprika, 1tsp cumin; season to taste.

BEWARE…DANGER AHEAD!

I’ve said it before; I’m saying it again. I’ll continue repeating it ad infinitum. There are some who don’t need convincing! As I get older I’m becoming even grumpier that I ever was. Okay! So you’ve joined the long queue of those who are thinking: “How could she become grumpier than she already is?” (Take note of my confession, freely given; I admit to this flaw in my character; it’s not the only one)! I know what I’m talking about; I know the subject well! I’m not prone to lying or to embellishment; and most certainly not about this. If medals were handed out for grumpiness, I’d get one – every year! I’ll carry the can for being the original grumpy old woman! I discovered long ago it’s better to own up…to the good; to the bad; and to the ugly, when necessary! A couple of weeks ago I was having a welcome moment of being at peace with the world and all (well…almost all) who roam upon it. Savouring my harmonious mood, I was unaware that around the next bend a rude awakening stealthily approached; and I was in its line of fire. Seduced and wooed by the sun-caressed morning that was alive with carefree, feathered birds gleefully flittering to and fro, I’d slipped into complacency; I let my guard down.

Driving along on the left-hand side of Main Western heading south towards the show-grounds end, through no fault or cause of my own, I became really, really ridiculously grumpy (spoken in my best Derek Zoolander impression)! My feeling of peace and goodwill to all creatures big and small was suddenly and unexpectedly smashed to smithereens! As I came around a bend in the road, out of the blue, partly-obscured by the sun-filtered shadows heading towards me on my side of the road a gentleman of elderly repute aboard a mobility scooter appeared. For a brief moment I thought I was imagining the sight directly in front of me. Totally oblivious of all around him, the intrepid daredevil-risk-taker was on a mission. Nobody, including me and my car was going to deter or discourage him from his assignment. He must have been on his way to a very important date. Trundling along with his head down in a Casey Stoner-pose, he didn’t notice, nor did he blink when my car and I jumped high into the air before executing a swift movement to the right towards the centre line markings to get out of his way!

Palpitations of the heart can be exciting if they’re caused by the appearance of a mysterious, tall, dark, handsome stranger on the sunny (and correct) side of the street; but they’re no fun at all if caused by a gentleman of advanced years operating a mobility scooter on the wrong side of the track! There is a lot to be said about “living dangerously; living life on the edge”; just ensure it’s on the right edge! I was a “Happy Little Vegemite” up until that disturbing episode; after my encounter with the errant adventurer of an oblivious nature, I became very grumpy, you can be sure! It took a while before the colour returned to my face. The hair on my head is still standing stiffly on end in some places! It looks like I’ve been given a bad crew-cut by a one-eyed, inebriated hairdresser!

A Warning Before You Tread Further! The recipes below probably won't be of interest (or taste) to anyone living in the Northern Hemisphere.

Vegemite-Cheese Scrolls: Preheat oven 200C; grease biscuit tray. Process 2-1/4c S.R. Flour, 30g cold, chopped butter with salt and pepper; or rub butter into the flour using your fingers, until mixture resembles fresh breadcrumbs; add 1c milk; mix until just combined. Roll dough out to 30x45cm rectangle on floured bench. Spread generously with Vegemite; top with 1/2c grated cheese. Roll into a log; cut into 2cm slices; place side by side on tray; bake 15-18mins, until golden; serve warm.

Vegemite-Mustard Glazed Vegetable Kebabs: Combine 1-1/2tbs Vegemite, 1/4c Dijon mustard, 1tbs brown sugar and 1tbs oil. Cut 2 red onions and 1 baby eggplant into eighths, half 4 small yellow button squash, cut 1 large red capsicum into 16x2cm squares; cut 1 zucchini into 8 slices; grab 8 button mushrooms. Thread vegetables evenly onto 8 pre-soaked bamboo skewers; brush well with glaze; barbecue over med-heat, 6-8mins, brushing occasionally with glaze. Steak Sheila: Grab 4x180g eye fillets, halved horizontally to make 8 thin fillets; flatten out slightly. In two batches, cook fillets over high heat as desired. Remove from pan; cover loosely with foil; set aside to rest. Place the same pan over med-heat; melt 30g unsalted butter; add 3 finely-chopped shallots; cook, stirring 1min; add 2 finely-chopped garlic cloves and 120g sliced button mushrooms; add 1/4c brandy; flame; cook 2-3mins; add 3tsp Vegemite, 2tsp Dijon mustard and 125ml beef stock; cook, stirring 2mins. Add 1/2c thickened cream; season to taste; drizzle over steaks. Serve steaks with Sour Cream Mash; mash spuds with sour cream.

Avocado-Vegemite Toast: Spread toast with Vegemite; top with avocado slices.

LET’S TALK THE TALK; OR WAWK THE WAWK WHILE WE TAWK!

I’ll work it out, or “werk” it out! Bear with me while I bare my thoughts; not my soul, nor sole…my thorts. I’ve a dilemma. You might be able to assist me, if you care or “cair”. English is a complex language. It masquerades under many disguises. However, I find it nigh impossible to excuse bad spelling. For the record, I offer no excuses for myself when I make a blunder. On those occasions, I’m harder on me than I am on others.

If “bear” and “bare” are pronounced “bair”; why then is “hear” not “hare” or “hair”, instead of “heer”? Why is “dear” - “deer” - not “dare” as is “bear” and “bare”? Should “dare” be “dahh”? “Are” is! Why isn’t “are”-“air” instead of “ahhh”? “Hair” is “hair”, which makes sense because “air” is as it appears, even though air can’t be seen…umm…“scene”? Why is “word” not “werd”? “Nerd” is “nerd”. On the other hand, “heard” is “herd” not “heerd”! A sword is not a sawd, although it sounds like one. If “sword” is “sawd” why, then, isn’t “word” - “wawd”? Why isn’t “sw” in “sword” as it is in “sweet”?

It is said that a “coup” is a “coo”; but isn’t a “coo” what a pigeon or two do when housed a coop? “Said” is “sed”, but “shed” isn’t “shaid”. War is “waw”; “far” is “fah” - why, then, isn’t “war” – “wah”; or why isn’t “far” - “faw”? “Ward” is “wawd” not “wahhd”. “Faring” is “fairing”, not “fahhring”! To be specific, depending on which side of the Pacific one reclines “spelt” is spelt “spelled” or “spelled” is spelled “spelt”. Spelt is a flour, but not a flower. “Flour” rhymes with “our” and “hour”, why doesn’t “four”?

Are you confused, yet? One is “one”. Should it be “wun”? “Won” is “wun”; but looks like it should rhyme with “on”. “Two is “too” or “to”, too! I sound like a train, or is that “trane”? On the flip side; “on” is “on”, not “un”. If “one” rhymes with “gun”, why isn’t “gone”…“gun”? Is there no end to this? Maybe I should stop while I’m ahead; or is that “ahed”?

We’ve all words over which we stumble and trip. If I don’t inhale deeply and concentrate intently, I splutter and spit over “phenomenon” or “subliminal”, to name but two. I admit I’m a coward; I avoid them if possible. Incorrect pronunciations grate on my nerves, too...e.g. “important” pronounced as “impordand”; an erroneous “a” inserted making the abomination, “cock-A-roaches”; when an extra “d” is inflicted upon “avocado” making - “aDvocado”; and when “awf” replaces “off”. If your surname was “Head” and your parents named you “Richard”, you’d divorce them; if your surname was “Case”, with “Edward” as your Christian name, you’d raise a few eyebrows! Whew! It’s time for a Bex and a lie down! Perhaps it’s ”ly”; or is it “lye”? Oh! Dammit…fib!

Simple Spelt Bread: Grease two 9x5-inch loaf pans. Mix together 8c spelt flour, 1/2c sesame seeds, 1/2tsp salt, 1tbl molasses, 2tsp baking soda and 4-1/4c milk until blended. Divide evenly into pans. Bake in preheated 175C oven, 1hr 10mins. Placing same-size tin over loafs when baking gives a lovely crust.

Spelt Banana-Honey Bread: Grease and line base and sides of two 8x20cm loaf pans. Combine 225g each whole spelt and white spelt flour, 3/4c brown sugar, 3tsp baking powder, 1tsp bicarb soda and 2tsp cinnamon; add 1c coarsely-chopped walnuts and 1c coarsely-chopped dried dates; stir. Combine 2c mashed bananas, 3/4c vegetable oil, 3 lightly-whisked eggs and 1/3c honey; add flour; stir with wooden spoon until just combined; pour into pans; smooth surfaces; bake in preheated 180C oven, 35-40mins. Cool on wire rack.

Grated Vegetable Fritters: Peel and grate 400g potatoes and 150g carrots; add 360g grated zucchini, 125g drained corn kernels, 1 finely-chopped onion, 1/2c S.R. flour, salt, 1/4c chopped parsley and 3 egg yolks. Beat egg whites until stiff peaks; fold through vegetable mixture. Heat large pan over med-heat; add a little oil; add 1/3c mixture; cook 5mins; cook four at a time; turn, cook 5-8mins.

Vegetable Potato-Crusted Pie: Salt 2 packed cups grated spuds; drain in colander; squeeze out excess moisture; add to 1 beaten egg and 1/4c grated onion. Pat into well-oiled 9-inch pie dish; build up sides with lightly-floured fingers; bake at 204C, 40-50mins; after 30mins, brush crust with a little oil. Reduce oven to 190C. Filling: Sauté 1c chopped onion and 1 garlic clove, minced; add thyme and basil; add 3c vegetables of choice; cook, covered 10mins. Spread 1/2c grated cheese over base of crust; add vegetables; top with more grated cheese. Whisk together 2 eggs and 1/4c milk; season; pour over filling; dust with paprika; bake 35-40mins until set.

FRUSTRATINGLY ANNOYING - I'M CRANKY!

Those of you who have been following my blog for years can see that the lay-out/format has changed. And with that change, I've lost my list of co-bloggers.

I don't know how to get it back or how to add your blogs to my list of those visited by me. If anyone has a clue how I can do this little chore, could you please, please assist me! I'm tearing my hair out; which is a bit scary as I really don't want to be bald!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, in anticipation of your assistance and advices in this matter.

A NAKED VIEW – THE BARE FACTS – BEAR WITH ME IF YOU DARE!

I’ve a fondness for some old movies. Because of this fondness, along with that it’d been filmed on Dunk Island; I watched a re-run of the 1969 movie version of Norman Lindsay’s “Age of Consent” a few weeks back.

Dunk Island is a member of the Family Group of Islands that includes Bedarra, Timana and others. All are anchored comfortably in the Coral Sea, a little north of the majestic Hinchinbrook Island that looms ominously in the distance.


I’d seen the movie a few times over the years, but my memory of many of its details had dimmed between viewings. One important detail was - I’d forgotten how wrong the movie is on so many levels. Maybe I’ve become more critical over the passage of time; perhaps with reason! Parts were embarrassing to watch. I’m not referring to, nor am I concerned by the then 22 year old Helen Mirren’s provocative exposure as a nubile, under-the-age-of consent nymph! One bare fact is, though - much-admired Mirren’s posterior appeared to be much larger in the movie than it is nowadays!


Thankfully, modern day Aussie movie makers no longer feel obliged to include every unnecessary Ockerism they can think of in their films. These days it’s not mandatory for some poor hapless soul to yell “coo-ee” at the drop of an Akubra! The unfortunate culprit in “The Age of Consent” was the late Harold Hopkins in his first movie role after his 1967 NIDA graduation. I had the good fortune to meet Harold only weeks prior to his giant step into his future. Both he and I were holidaying at Moolooloaba on the Sunshine Coast - separately - over the Christmas/New Year period of 1962/63 - he was a callow youth, and I, a fair maiden! He and I became mates for the duration of our holidays. He and his mate joined in with my crowd of friends. Once our holidays were at an end, we never saw each other again. However, over the years, I did often see him in movies and on the television screen - but he didn't know I was watching!!!

Hopkins barely made an appearance in "Age of Consent" without bellowing an awkward “coo-ee”! I kept expecting Chips Rafferty to appear as a shipwrecked stockman!

There’s a lot about the movie I don’t like; for instance, the dreadful acting! The nudity doesn’t bother me; I’d be a hypocrite to say otherwise. I, too, once was a nubile young thing who gamboled sans clothes under tropical rain and in crystal waters. Unfortunately those blissful times are long gone. Also, I doubt my landlords would be in favour of my frolicking like a mermaid in their garden ponds!


I do love the movie’s setting, though; the reason I watched it.


Nude scenes on the silver screen were unusual for the Queensland of those times. Explicitly-written books also disturbed some folk. A ban on Lindsay’s book on which the film was based was lifted in 1962. In 1965 D.H. Lawrence’s scandalous “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” was released from the garden shed. In 1972/73 furore erupted within our censorship board; the cause of their fretting - “Last Tango in Paris”. The image of butter deterred members from entering supermarkets for years! I was around 29 years old at the time and was being squired by a mature-aged gentleman; himself a member of the Queensland Censorship Board. He was horrified to learn that I’d seen the movie; that I openly admitted to liking it caused him an apoplectic fit! It’s funny how attitudes change.

Townsville press had palpitations when the cast of “Age of Consent”, having succumbed to the island’s free-spirited ambience after filming there for three months, arrived in town barefooted, wearing sarongs!

One evening in 1986 when I was managing the resort on Hinchinbrook Island I returned to the North after a week-long business trip to Sydney. Staying overnight in Townsville before going back to the island the following day, I donned my stylish ladies’ tuxedo complete with scarlet bow tie and black stilettos! With glamorous images of Monte Carlo floating through my mind, I felt like a million dollars as I strutted into Townsville’s new-opened casino.

I left within minutes; all around me were dressed in stubbies, T-shirts and thongs!


Nude Ravioli: Cook 500g spinach leaves, stalks removed, until reduced volume; cool; drain; chop finely; mix into 400g ricotta, 2 eggs, 3tbs flour, pinch nutmeg, pepper, salt and 4tbs grated parmesan; if too wet, add a bit more flour; form into walnut-size balls using floured hands. Cook a few “gnudi” at a time in boiling, salted water. When they float to surface, boil another 2mins; remove with slotted spoon. Melt 100g butter; add 8 sage leaves; don’t burn; pour over the gnudi; sprinkle with parmesan.

Brown Butter Radishes: Cut off all but ½-inch of tops of 2 radish bunches; coarsely chop tops. Cut radishes lengthwise in half; coat in 1-1/2tbs olive oil. Place cut side down on oiled tray; sprinkle lightly with coarse salt; roast until crisp-tender, about 18mins; stir occasionally. Toss pinch of salt into pan; add 2tbs butter; brown; remove from heat; stir in 1tsp lemon juice; drizzle over radishes; sprinkle with chopped tops.

Butter Chicken: Combine: ½ c yoghurt, 1tb lemon juice, 2 crushed garlic cloves, 2tsp each garam masala and grated ginger, 1tsp each chilli, turmeric and cumin in a bowl. Add 1kg boned, diced chicken; chill overnight. Heat 60g unsalted butter and 1tbl sunflower oil over med-heat; add 1 finely-chopped onion, 1tsp ground cardamom, 1 cinnamon stick and 1 Indian or ordinary bay leaf; cook until onion starts to soften; reduce heat to low; add chicken and marinade, 2tsp sweet paprika, 425g tomato puree (not paste), 75g finely-ground roasted cashews, and 150ml chicken stock; simmer 15mins; add 1c thickened cream; cook 10mins; garnish with chopped roasted cashews.

Nude Beach: Shake over ice, 30ml rum, 60ml each pineapple juice and orange juice, dash lime juice and 15ml grenadine.

PS....Painting by Me aka Lee

DON’T BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU!

Again, I've been away without leave for far too long...but I'll try to rectify my lack of attention by my following tale.

I don’t consciously feed grasshoppers. There are sufficient greens for them to devour in our gardens without any help from me. Organic, open air vegan outlets abound, fulfilling their appetites! The hoppers’ choppers chomp their way through our greens without our permission. At times they don’t know when enough is enough; gluttonous little pests! If a little hopper gets trapped inside (its own fault for sticking its nose in where not invited; but I don’t let that get in the way of a good deed), I rescue it. I put it back outside where it belongs; if, that is, it hasn’t already expired before I’ve had a chance to be its saviour. Of course, if I discover one that’s already kicked the bucket, I don’t let it lie there to be devoured by ants. Ants aren’t picky eaters. They’re carnivores, vegans and vegetarians! I dispose of the critter’s carcass in a sombre manner befitting the tragedy.

Yesterday I picked up an alive, kicking, but not screaming hopper that had become stranded inside. It’d hopped in to watch a re-run on TV of its favourite 1960 movie – “The Grass Is Greener”! One would think my Good Samaritan deed towards the katydid, bush-cricket, grasshopper or whatever variety of Orthoptera it was wouldn’t encourage bad behaviour on its part. One would think that; but it wasn’t to be. The ungrateful, uninvited little beggar nipped me on my thumb – hard! My thumb isn’t even green, but it did, briefly, turn red from the unwarranted assault! It’s been documented that vegan and vegetarians aren’t aggressive; that they have an instinctive “live and let live” policy. A word or four of advice - don’t you believe it! They have a nasty streak! They disguise it well, but it’s there, masked by their fancy-free exterior. Grasshoppers, I’m referring to – not vegans or vegetarians. Although, I’m sure there are a few of the latter who harbour a nasty streak or two; none amongst us is perfect; other than you and me, of course!

In a vice-like grip, the ungracious little critter latched on to my thumb with its jaws. I tried to smack my assailant on the butt, but its butt was too tiny for me to make worthwhile contact. My attempt was futile. Having five eyes, (the grasshopper, not me), and two antennae (again, the creature, not me – I’ve only one antennae – up on my roof), I was given no opportunity to slip in a sneaky slap! Another reason for not spanking Jiminy Cricket is - I realised that once released, he could hop off to the nearest authorities to report me for hopper abuse! Finally, after releasing possession of my defenseless, non-green thumb, my ungrateful interloper bounced, skipped and vaulted off to enjoy its freedom with nary a backward glance. He didn’t even whisper a “thank you” for my kindness and restraint from committing violence upon its carapace!

I'm sure I heard him whistling “When You Wish upon a Star” as he hopped off to find his next green, leafy meal; but that could have been my imagination at play!

Heed my warning, Jiminy Cricket! I won’t be so sentimental next time; the outcome could be detrimental to your health! You won’t be so keen to attack me then - whaaaaaaaa!

French Lentil-Quinoa-Spinach Salad: Use a fine sieve; rinse 1/2 cup quinoa (pronounced: "keen-wah") under cold water until water runs clean; in pot cover quinoa and 1 cup French lentils (du Puy) with water or vegetable stock; bring to boil; simmer 20mins; until cooked; remove from heat; drain. Sweat some roughly-chopped mushrooms in a little olive oil, 5-10mins; keep juices. Wilt 400g spinach; squeeze out excess water. Combine 1 chopped red onion, 1/2 chopped celery, 2tsps crushed, toasted cumin seeds, pepper; add lentils, quinoa, mushrooms and spinach; add crumbled feta; drizzle over lemon juice and mushroom juices; season; add diced tomatoes.

French Lentils with Walnuts and Goat’s Cheese: Put 1 cup lentils in saucepan with 1 bay leaf and sprig of thyme. Pour over 1-1/3 cup water; bring to boil; simmer until tender, 30-40 minutes; drain off excess water. Heat 2tbls olive oil in pan; cook 1 large, diced red onion until soft; add 2 crushed garlic cloves, 1 minute; deglaze pan with a splash of balsamic. Toss lentils with onion; season; put in raw spinach-lined serving dish. Scatter over toasted walnuts nuts and 125g broken pieces of goat’s cheese. Drizzle over walnut oil. Serve warm with roasted beetroot that’s been roasted in a little walnut oil.

Lentil-Quinoa Burgers: Boil 1.5 to 2c brown lentils with 1/2 cup quinoa in vegetable stock until soft. In bowl, add 1 finely-diced onion, 1 grated carrot, 1 grated zucchini and 3/4 cup grated cheese; add some cumin, oregano and 1 cup crunchy or smooth peanut paste (or enough to bind); season; mix well with hands; form into patties. Press patties into lightly-crushed pumpkin seeds. Cook in a little oil over med- heat; 6-7mins per side. Serve with salad.

G’DAY, MATE! HOW’RE YA GOIN’? YOU LITTLE BEWDY! GOOD ONYA!

I can’t pinpoint the exact year of my first Australia Day memory, but I was probably 9 or 10 when the story below unfolded.

With a picnic lunch in tow, we grabbed our swags and high-tailed it to Widgee Crossing in readiness for a fun, family Aussie Day on the banks of the Mary River.

Widgee Crossing existed long before “Widgies” in pedal-pushers and duck-tailed, Brylcreem-haired “Bodgies” cut a rug to Bill Haley’s “Rock Around the Clock”; and long before they hung around milk bars where, in hushed tones, they discussed what forbidden activities might be going on behind Jim Lowe’s mysterious “Green Door”. There’s no “Bodgie Crossing”; although I’m sure there were a few dodgy bodgies who got cross if someone tried crossing them! On a whole, they were a harmless lot with only few amongst them true blue delinquents, I imagine. Most “Bodgies” were all shine and no shoes! Stone the flamin’ crows! I’ve strayed off the bush track - again!

Soon after arriving at our destination we chose a beaut shady possie handy to the water. Graham, my brother, and I immediately shot off to find wood for our campfire. The fresh country air and the thrill of cooking our lunch on an open fire had elevated our appetites. We were starving, making a horse in the nearby paddock very nervous, indeed!

After our delicious early lunch we felt as full as googs, or as butcher’s dogs. Biding time until our “lunch went down”, Graham and I mucked about on the riverbank. Being his usual ratbag self, he carried on like a pork chop, acting like he wasn’t the full quid! Already in our togs, we were biting at the bit to go swimming. Not another soul was within cooee at Widgee Crossing that day. We were on our Pat Malone.

Our lunch finally “settled” and, without further delay, into the river we leapt. A race to the other side ensued. Graham beat me by a whisker! Not wanting to be a wuss, full of bravado I declared a rematch. Back and forth we swam until…Wham! Something stung my left foot! Fair suck of the sav! Strewth! It hurt!

In agony, I swam back our camp’s side of the river and limped to our picnic spot beside the campfire. My foot felt like it was being stabbed with shards of hot glass. I was feeling more emotional than Bob Hawke at a book launch!

We believed a cranky catfish stung me because I’d disturbed it during its cat nap! For the rest of the arvo I sat with my foot close to the campfire seeking relief. I reckoned I’d gotten the rough end of the pineapple!

After a while the mozzies descended. It was time to shoot through. Still in our cozies, we left our no longer cosy possie to the mozzies!

It’d been a ripsnorter Aussie Day; a real corker - that is until a cantankerous catfish spat the dummy – which was about as funny as a kick in the head! Be proud to be an Aussie; embrace and enjoy it! Make everyday Australia Day! Never lose the spirit!

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY - 26th JANUARY.

Nana’s Campfire Spuds: Slice 10-12 scrubbed spuds, 1/2cm thick. Layer alternately potatoes, chopped onion, chopped red and green capsicums, finely-chopped garlic, salt, pepper and a little butter on piece of heavy-duty foil (add sliced sweet potatoes for variety). Repeat layers until all spuds are used; top with foil; seal. Cook on barbie or on a rack in the coals, 60-90mins; turn often to prevent burning. This is excellent cooked in pan for breakfast as well; just cut down quantity and stir together.

Campfire Couscous: In saucepan on med-heat campfire/stove, heat 2tbls oil. Add 1 thinly-sliced garlic clove; season well; stir occasionally; cook until garlic softened, not browned. Add 3c dry couscous; stir to coat with oil; cook, stirring often, until couscous is golden brown, about 5mins; add 4-1/2c water and thyme sprig; simmer until couscous is tender and water absorbed. Remove from heat; add 2 zucchini finely-diced; cover; set aside until zucchini is tender; add 1/4c toasted pine nuts, 3tbl currants and 2tbls oil; season.

Campfire Chicken: Grab a piece of heavy-duty foil per person; sprinkle foil with salt, pepper and spices of choice; place half chicken breast, meaty side down onto seasonings. Arrange chats, baby carrots and corn cobs around chicken. Cut red onions and tomatoes into wedges or thick slices; place on top. Close foil; grill or bake pouch until all is cooked and tender. Aussie

Meal-in-One: In centre of piece of foil, place beef patty (or lamb/chicken/ pork). Place 3 thin slices of onion on top; then top with potato slices; season with salt, pepper and garlic; add large spoon of bacon-flavoured baked beans on top. Seal foil securely; place in hot coals, 30-45mins.

BRIGHT-EYED, BUSHY-TAILED… I’M READY, WILLING AND ABLE!!

Never again shall I be swayed; never again shall I be tempted! No! No! No!

At the beginning of 2011 I broke my pledge never to make New Year resolutions. I made a resolution that I was going to win Lotto in 2011. Between you, me and them - it didn’t happen! That will teach me to break my own cardinal rule! Serves me right for being so flippant!

By the time midnight arrived on New Year’s Eve my face was purple and taut; an unattractive image caused by holding my breath in anticipation throughout the previous 12 months. Do you know how uncomfortable and painful that is? I hoped the wind wouldn’t change until I could get my face back to some semblance of normality. Even more discouraging and disheartening - it wasn’t me who broke my New Year’s resolution. The blame doesn’t lie at my door – it was Lotto, solely, who failed to come to the aid of the party! As for getting my face “back to some semblance of normality” that, too, might be wishful thinking and hoping!

All that aside – I had a wonderful Christmas, commencing at my friends, Derek and Denise’s annual Christmas party, where I mingled with familiar, friendly faces; and also met some nice new ones - most of whom I won't meet again until next Christmas!

As it is every year, it was a great party, and, as usual, I had a good time! I didn’t dance on any tables, however! I’m flat out climbing upon or getting off them nowadays; let alone dancing on them!

Shortly after that celebration, Christmas landed in all its glory. I spent it with my nephew and his family who live at Armstrong Beach, south of Mackay. They were visiting down this way and were holidaying aloft in an apartment on the 17th floor at the Q1 Building at Surfer's Paradise, the Gold Coast. Until very recently, the Q1 was the tallest residential building in the world. The Marina Torch in Dubai stole its title back in April, 2011.

The rumours are true! Christmas is all about children. Being present early Christmas morning to witness my grand-niece and nephew's excited, uninhibited smiles; their bodies quivering with joyful anticipation, was the best gift of all.

A demolition derby began before the hooter hooted. The living room promptly transformed into a scene of mass destruction. With reckless abandon, reams of colourful wrapping paper was torn and tossed asunder (and that was just by me) to reach the hidden surprises within. Debris covered the floor, sofa and kitchen bench; it escaped down the hallway and out to the sun-room. Christmas afternoon was spent by the complex’s pool watching the kiddies pretend to be dolphins. I was sure I recognised the foreign flotsam flagrantly floating in the complex’s pool to be some of our renegade wrapping paper!

On Boxing Day we had a barbecue at the Broadwater, Southport. We adults lazed at a picnic table beneath a shady tree, while the energetic “littlies” scooted back and forth on their new scooters. Proudly, they displayed their dexterity at scooter operation! And me – well, I’m proud to be related to that lovely little family. We shared a very happy Christmas, creating a wealth of new memories.

New Year’s Eve arrived accompanied by my good mate of long-standing from down yonder way aka the Gold Coast. Like one of the Three Wise Men, he came bearing gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh, or so it seemed. He was armed to the hilt with all manner of gifts for me; including a bottle of Dimple for us to share. We successfully ironed out its dimples! So very smooth it was; a mature 15 year old! I mustered a herd of “Brown Cows” later in the night, as well! They were “moo-vellous”!

My Christmas was wonderful shared with my favourite relatives; and I enjoyed a happy, relaxed New Year’s weekend with a good friend.

Bring it on, 2012! Let’s get off to an excellent start! I’m ready when you are!

Prunes in Orange Juice: In saucepan, combine 1c fresh orange juice, 1tbs lemon juice, 1tsp grated lemon zest, 1/4c honey and 1/2tsp cinnamon; bring to simmer on high heat; add 24 pitted prunes; turn heat very low; cover; simmer about 10mins, don’t allow prunes to become soggy. Add 1/4/c chopped walnuts; cook 1-2mins. Remove prunes with slotted spoon; turn heat to med-high; reduce liquid by half; pour syrup over prunes; serve chilled or warm.

Energizing Oats: Add pinch of salt to 2c water; bring to boil; turn heat low; add 1c old-fashioned rolled oats; cook about 5mins; stirring; add 1/2tsp cinnamon, 1/4c raisins and 1/4c sliced almonds; stir; cover pan; turn off heat; let it sit 5mins; serve with soy or skim milk and a 1tbs molasses (if desired).

Breakfast Bagel: Bring about 3/4c water with 1tsp cider vinegar added (or half lemon) to light boil in shallow pan; make sure there is enough water to cover egg. Toast half a whole-wheat bagel; place 2 slices each tomato and avocado and 55g low-fat cheese on bagel half. Poach egg just until white is set and yolk has filmed over; remove with slotted spoon; place on top of bagel; season to taste; serve open-faced (with a smile!).

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

ARE WE THERE YET?

2011 is sliding off the edge of the globe! I don’t like willing time away, but I’m happy to see the rear end of this year as it nears the horizon. Actually, I feel like giving it a boot in the butt to boost it on its way!

In 1992 Queen Elizabeth surprised everyone when she restored life to the Latin phrase “annus horribilis”. Liz had us diving for our dictionaries. Google had not yet arrived on our desktops. Kofi Annan, the then UN Secretary-General, resurrected the phrase in 2004; not one to miss the boat, Juan Carlos of Spain threw a spanner into the works by dragging it to the surface again in 2007.

Now it’s my turn!

It’s all Greek, Double Dutch and Latin to me - so in plain old, sometimes uncomplicated English, this year has been, minus embellishment or exaggeration, a horrible year; one filled with never-ending tragedies; devastating disasters and anxieties; one awash with tears. 2011 has been a year scarred by natural and unnatural disasters; blotted by man’s unconscionable inhumanity to man; pointless violence; senseless cruelty to animals; hate and prejudice.

I have one all-encompassing Christmas wish - for everyone to have a safe, happy, peaceful, stress and strife-free time; whether you’re with family, friends or alone.

Please ensure whatever you’re doing isn’t detrimental to the safety of yourself or others. Borrow the Hippie-Flower Child ideals - they won’t mind; they probably won't even know - spread love, goodwill, peace and happiness. Don’t cease when the Christmas season ends; continue through 2012 and forever thereafter. Everyone, including you, will reap the benefits!

After all the devastating, terrifying, horrific, heartbreaking events of 2011; the unending sadness, loss and despair suffered by far too many in our own country and elsewhere in the world, smooth waters upon which to sail are due; tranquil, serene conditions through which to glide are in arrears. Grief became an uninvited, unwelcome visitor far too often in 2011.

Enough already!

Once again I’ll be joining the Griswold family for their “Christmas Vacation”. Not a Christmas goes by without my doing so. What’s Christmas without Chevy Chase aka Clark Griswold and his crazy, dysfunctional family? They make me feel at home. I’ll enjoy their company as I always do!

And, as always, I refuse to be politically-correct! MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone! Happy New Year, as well!

May 2012 overflow with kindness and love. Stay safe; chill out; stay cool; be grateful for all that is good in your life!

Cheesy-Christmas Chick: Combine 150g garlic and herb creamy cheese, 1 crushed garlic clove, 25g chopped, unsalted pistachios, 1tsp chopped sage, grated rind and juice of ½ lemon, salt and cracked pepper. Carefully ease your fingers, then hand under skin of large chicken at neck end, freeing it from breast meat; smear mixture under skin; tuck in skin flap. Arrange 8 bacon rashers over breast; drizzle with olive oil; season. Place in roasting tin on top of some fresh rosemary springs; cover with foil. Calculate cooking time 16mins per 450g; remove foil last 45mins. When cooked, transfer to warm platter; cover; rest 20mins. Skim fat from pan; place on low heat; blend 4tbs dry sherry with 400ml chicken stock; bring to boil; season.

Christmas Left-Overs’ Macaroni & Cheese: To 1/4c butter; add ½ onion, chopped, minced sage leaves, 2 minced garlic cloves; sauté 5mins; add 1/4c flour; stir; cook 5mins; add 1.4lts milk; whisk until it boils and thickens. Whisk in 1c mascarpone, 1c grated cheddar and 1c grated gruyere. When melted and sauce smooth, fold in 450g shredded left-over turkey meat, 3c diced, cooked kumara, 1c cooked peas and 450g cooked macaroni; season; transfer to oven dish; sprinkle 2c grated cheddar on top; bake at 176C, 20-25mins; place 1tbs cranberry sauce in centre; serve.

Cream Cheese Christmas Biscuits: Cream 1c butter and 240g cream cheese; add 1c white sugar and 1/2tsp vanilla; beat until light and fluffy. Combine 2-1/2c plain flour and 1/2tsp salt; gradually add to creamed mix, beating until well-blended; add 1/2c chopped pecans; cover; chill 15mins. On 4 sheets foil, shape dough into 4x6-inch rolls, 1-1/2-inches in diameter; tightly wrap each in foil; chill over night. Line baking trays with foil; remove rolls from fridge one at a time; coat each roll with red or green sugar crystals (food colouring added to sugar); cut dough into ¼-inch slices; place on trays; top each biscuit with pecan half; bake 15-18mins in preheated 165C oven.

MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!

YOU TALKIN’ TO ME? YOU TALKIN’ TO ME? YOU TALKIN’ TO ME?

The title is uttered in my impeccable “Travis Bickle” aka Robert De Niro voice!

I'm sure you, like me, have had those moments - you know the ones - trying to hold your tongue when listening to another person drone on and on endlessly. We’ve all been caught in that situation at one time or the other; and no doubt will continue being trapped in the future.

It made me stop and think for a bit! Uh-oh! I’m an offender! I’ve committed this sin, too. I plead guilty! Shame on me! I doubt one amongst us can claim innocence; no matter how much one protests! If they do, it harks of: “the lady protests too much, methinks” - (it applies to the “man” as well – let’s not be sexist here)!

Staying on this train of thought, there have been times when chatting with someone or another it’s become very obvious I’ve lost his/her attention and interest. The clue - his/her eyes glaze over! Have you ever noticed this intriguing phenomenon? Perhaps your eyes are already starting to glaze over as you read this! Have I lost you already?

It’s off-putting when glazing happens during discourse. It doesn’t always happen, but it does occur; and when it does, I find it very disconcerting! The odd thing is it normally happens when the other person is the one who instigated the conversation!

Lured into a feeling of wellbeing, I’m invited in; the impression having been given that he/she wants my participation; their body language urging me to contribute my tuppence or thruppence, or perhaps a shillings’ worth. Soon after I’ve begun expending that worth (it’s akin to putting coins into a sideshow alley slot machine - it snaffles them up and giving little or nothing in return) I notice my co-conversationalist has lost interest. I’ve become invisible. He or she has drifted off into his/her own world, or reverted to doing whatever he/she was doing before instigating the conversation! What a quandary! I’m then left feeling uneasy; feeling like an intruder or an idiot; or worse, both!

Consumed by embarrassment, my voice dwindles to a whisper (or croak). Shuffling my feet in an almost indiscernible reverse motion, eventually I manage to blend back into the landscape once again! I don’t want to appear rude when trying to make my escape, even though the other person has already displayed his/her ignorance by glazing!

Glazing has been around a long time; long before planking became the craze of the day; and it’ll be around long after planking has been plonked!

So there I find myself; caught like a deer in the headlights, trying to escape a situation I didn’t want to be in, in the first place! An uncomfortable position made evident by the “glazing-over” of others!

It’s there, all right! I’ve seen it! I don’t need the assistance of a CSI team! There is no need to waste forensic experts’ time! Of course, I could stroke the “glazer’s” ego. He or she would soon bounce back to life; but I can’t be bothered! By that stage, I’ve lost interest!

Spicy Orange Glaze for Chicken/Duck: Put in saucepan, 3 crushed garlic cloves, 1tbs finely-grated ginger, 1/4tsp cayenne, 2tbs chilli paste, 1c marmalade, 1/3c rice vinegar, 1/4c hoisin sauce and 1tbs soy sauce; bring to boil over med-heat; cook, stirring, 3mins; cool. Marinate whole or butterflied chicken or chicken pieces a couple of hours; drain; roast or grill on barbecue.

Pork Roast with Spicy Maple Glaze: Preheat oven, 175C. Oil-spray bottom of shallow roasting pan. In bowl, combine 1c Maple syrup, 4tbs Dijon mustard, 2-1/2tbs each cider vinegar and light soy sauce, salt and pepper. Place pork roast in roasting pan; evenly spread with glaze; bake according to pork size; rest 10mins before serving.

Salmon Glaze: Combine 3tbs honey, 1tbs soy sauce and 1tbs sesame oil; spread over 2 salmon fillets; cook in 204C oven, 10mins.

Balsamic-Glazed Salmon: Combine; 3tbs balsamic, 1/4c vegetable oil, 2tbs brown sugar, 1tbs honey and 2-1/2tb soy in glass dish; add fresh salmon fillets, skin-on; marinate 1-3hrs; no longer. Grill salmon, skin-side down, covered, on oiled, preheated med-low grill, 7-9mins; cooking time varies with thickness of salmon and heat of grill.

Apricot-Glazed Ham: Combine 2c diced, dried apricots, zest of 1 orange, 2c sugar, 1/2c orange juice, 1-1/2c water and 2tbs honey; boil; lower heat; simmer 5mins. Add 12tsp each vanilla bean paste and cardamom, 14tsps each allspice and coriander and 1tsp minced fresh sage. Glaze ham with half mix; bake at 175C, about 45mins. Meanwhile, in saucepan, add 2c dried cranberries to remaining apricot mix; add 1c red wine. Simmer until thick. Serve this “chutney” with the ham.

RETRO INDULGENCE IS ALLOWED THIS TIME OF THE YEAR!

Nowadays I’m a tortoise or perhaps a snail, even, when it comes to embracing the Christmas spirit! In retrospect, I think the decline in my not becoming overly excited set seed after Christmas 1990.

I was living on Newry Island at the time; alone with my two cats, and various other creatures of nature. For examples, koalas, echidnas, white-tailed bush rats amongst others; plus turtles, dolphins, coral rays and fish of many varieties. Visiting boats, trawlers, yachts and guests naturally were also part of my scenery and life. However, I savoured and loved the times I had the island to myself and my two furry, house-trained mates. I was very protected of my "alone" time...and I guess that hasn't changed over the years.

Newry Island is off the coast from Seaforth. Seaforth is approx 37kms north of Mackay. I managed all and sundry that was necessary in the running of the island's accommodation, bar, dining, boat transfers, generators, etc., etc., et al...and then some!

Life was going along smoothly leading up to Christmas/New Year, except that the island dam level was pretty low. No rain had visited my island paradise for quite some time and rain was needed. Be careful of what you wish for....

My island cabins were all booked out by families eager to enjoy the Christmas/New Year break. Two boatloads of day-visitors had booked wishing to partake in the island’s Christmas celebrations on the special day. It would necessitate my making two boat runs to the mainland early Christmas morning, and two return trips in the afternoon, but that was fine with me. My 21-foot Trojan de Havilland with its 175hp Johnson outboard motor was fueled and ready to do the deeds.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I'd planned my menu and festivities to the "nth" degree. I was readying everything for my guests to ensure a good time was had by all. No stone, including those of plums, peaches, cherries and apricots was left unturned! My pantry was stocked to the point of its groaning from major overload! Decorating the bar and dining area heightened my anticipation. I was like a child awaiting Santa.

High, sombre clouds obscured the sun at the dawning of Christmas Day. The swarthy heavens reflected lethargically upon an unruffled ocean. At that early stage in the morning the ocean was like a mirror. By 8 am I’d already made two trips to the mainland to collect my exuberant day-visitors. The bleak, yet windless morning wasn’t going to destroy our joyous mood! As soon as I'd deposited the day-trippers ashore, I disappeared back into the kitchen to do my final preparation for the planned buffet Christmas lunch. All was well in my island world!

Grudgingly, I thank Robbie Burns for the quote – “The best laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft agley" - translation: The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry! Well, Bob, they go awry for women, too!

Just before noon I discovered an uninvited, unwelcome visitor had raced swiftly towards my island home; keen to cause havoc amongst my merry revellers. All hell was breaking loose outside caused by its abrupt,angry arrival. It was obvious it wanted to vent its spleen. Why this was so, I had no idea! I was perplexed because I'd done nothing to raise its hackles as far as I knew!

Throughout the preceding 10 days, Cyclone Joy had teased the Cairns area, which was way north of Newry Island' around 570kms. Tiring of the Far North, Cyclone Joy did a rapid turnaround! Getting herself into a spin, she gathered speed and headed south to where I was innocently minding my own business.

Obviously she’d gotten wind of the feast I’d prepared, and of the fun my guests and I were having! There is an unintended pun there...

Over-confident, with blustering bad manners and garrulous gusto, Joy landed on my doorstep without an invitation. She turned the outside world into turmoil! Low, metallic-hued, threatening clouds hung heavily in the sky. The ocean had transformed into an angry, swirling, unforgiving monster. Without further ado, the clouds began depositing their load - relentlessly. Torrential rain pounded the island with no signs of ceasing

Inside the bar and dining area I had 30 stranded guests, but food in abundance - fortunately! "Fortunately" because "stranded" became the operative word. No one was going anywhere! I made it very clear that I would not be taking my island boat anywhere until after the mayhem had diminished...completely!

I gathered everyone together and calmly informed them of the situation and for them to prepare themselves for a hectic few days. I laid down rules to ensure that everyone remained safe, and told them to gather just what was necessary from their respective cabins because until the big "blow" was over, everyone was to stick together in the main building that housed the bar, restaurant, kitchen etc. I didn't want anyone wandering about outside alone. The threat of injury etc. was far too high. The cyclone raged outside; inside my guests mingled together, playing cards, darts, reading; they kept themselves entertained and I was left free to keep a keen eye on everything else and the exterior perimeters; making sure that everything was battened down so not to become dangerous missiles. I'd not had time to safely anchor my boat away from the raging seas. All I could do was hope and pray that it remained safe on its mooring. Breathlessly, with fingers crossed, I watched it buck like a wild, unbroken horse, straining at its mooring ropes, but I was helpless to do anything, but hope!

I didn't sleep for three nights. The whole time Cyclone Joy pounded the island I was clad in my bathing suit. It was the most sensible attire because I was in and out of the rain all the time - continually soaked! The pumps feeding water to the cabins and main building weren't doing their job, so I handed my guests cakes of soap; and, much to their delight, they showered under the drainpipes at the outside corner of the building...clad in their bathers, of course!

Also, I had to conserve my diesel usage for the generator because I had no idea when all the madness would be over, or when I'd be able to organise for fuel to be ferried across to my holding tank! I ran the generator for a couple of hours a day only; just long enough to make sure the status quo of the fridges and freezers remained. Candles and flashlights were used at night. My stranded guests understood the seriousness of the situation; and all, but one, settled in and made the most of the predicament; a predicament over which I, or they had no control.

There's always one amongst a crowd who doesn't want to conform, but that's another story; one I will relate another day!

Three days after Christmas I transferred my first boatload of relieved, bedraggled guests to the mainland. Around the same time, a tornado hit Mackay, whipping up the ocean again just as I was about a quarter of the way back to the mainland! Pursuant to the abrupt change in weather conditions, upon depositing my first boatload of folk, I became marooned in Seaforth. I had no other choice!

I was unable to return for my remaining guests until the next day. Eventually, and NOT without drama, I managed to get everyone safely ashore!

Torrential rain continued through to late January. Until the weather abated, there was little I could do other than snuggle up with my two furry rascals and my books! Mould grew on everything, including on me!

This, of course, is the abridged version! One day I will write a book about the experience - I have enough data to fill a novel!


Christmas Aspic: Sprinkle 1-3/4 envelopes gelatine over 1-1/4c tomato juice; on low heat stir until gelatine dissolves; chill until consistency of egg whites; add 1/4c seeded, chopped tomato, 3tbls each finely-chopped seeded cucumber, finely-chopped celery, finely-chopped capsicum, 1/2c chopped cooked prawns; gently combine. Spoon into mould (pre-coat with cooking spray); cover; chill until firm; unmould onto lettuce; top with Avocado Dressing: Process until smooth; ½ avocado, 2tbls sour cream, 2tbls yoghurt, 2tsps lime juice, and 1 small garlic clove; season.

Beetroot-Feta Mould: Place 2 trimmed bunches beetroot in saucepan with 1-litre each dry white wine and water, 65g sugar, cloves, mace, juniper berries and salt; bring to boil slowly; cover, simmer 1hr. Cool beets in liquid; strain; reserve 1-litre liquid. Peel beets and cube; process until smooth half the cubes with 500ml reserved liquid. Soak 30ml gelatine in 170ml reserved liquid until soft; dissolve over boiling water. Combine puréed beetroot with remaining reserved liquid and gelatine. Pour half into a wet loaf tin; set aside until almost set; add 125g cubed feta and cubed beetroot; pour remaining mixture over this; chill 8hrs; serve with vinaigrette.

Rhubarb-Strawberry Mould: Add 3 gelatine envelopes to 1c cold water; dissolve. Boil 2c water, zest of 1 orange and 3/4c sugar; add 1/4c lemon juice and 455g ½-inch rhubarb pieces; simmer 4mins; remove from heat; add gelatine; stir gently; pour into mould/s; add 3c sliced strawberries; cover; chill; unmould