Monday, April 13, 2020

A BIT OF BUMP AND GRIND NEVER GOES ASTRAY!



 
Gypsy Rose Lee











As I shuffle...hobble...around with my walking stick always in hand, or at hand, pole dancing is off the list of activities I’m able to perform.  However, I do have another, previously never before divulged talent. Are you sitting down?  Do you have some smelling salts nearby?

Others are busy stripping supermarket shelves, but I’m stripping in the conventional way.

To explain, in case you're scratching your head...I've taken up the ancient performance art, which is thought by some to have originated in Babylonia.  In the mid-20th century, in the US, it gathered momentum under another guise...took off under the new name “striptease”.  

 I have to loosen up my hips some way, so why not by the exotic dance?

If she had seen me a couple of weeks ago, the once-famous stripper Gypsy Rose Lee would have been very proud of me, her protégé.  After all, I guess it is to be expected.  She and I do share a name.  I must check my family tree...perhaps we’re related somewhere down the line, or limb.

Strolling along IGA’s aisles the other day I was drawing close to the ice cream freezer where my favourite Peters Connoisseurs are stored when I felt something weird going on at my rear. 

Feeling around, I discovered my pants, my black slacks, were slipping down my behind – down my bum!  I can’t recall if Shirley Bassey’s “Big Spender” was playing through the store’s music system, but if it was, I’m sure I was swaying in tune, not a beat out of place, bumping and grinding, trolley in tow.

Wasting no time in yanking my escaping slacks back up to my waist, I broke into laughter.  Fortunately, my under-daks were black, too, disguising my brazen, public display somewhat.

I don’t charge for my shows. They are free entertainment for all.  Generous that way, I like to share...to entertain at no cost...at any cost.  

It’s a shame no scouts from The Rear End, Exotic Dancers Club weren’t present at the time of my spontaneous performance.  They would have signed me up on the spot, immediately, without hesitation.

It is good sense to keep one’s own self, and others, amused during the present time when so many among us are frazzled.  I proved it can be done without tassles.

There are ways...and there are other ways, I suppose.

However, I suppose, public stripping is probably not advisable.  Never did I think I’d be taking up stripping and entertaining fellow-shoppers in that manner.

Perhaps, it would be better for everyone concerned, me included, if I gave up public striptease, and I stuck to pencil drawing (not dropping my drawers)., bingeing (on streaming series, not food, or grog!)...and the three ‘R’s”...aka...‘readin’, ‘ritin’, and ‘rithmetic!   There! I’m just droppin’ my “G’s”, not my daks!

The new sketch pad, and boxes of pencils I bought when I was out stripping sit beside me here on my desk.  So far I’ve released one pencil, and struck a few light strokes...limbering up.

I’m awaiting an Adonna Khare-Paul Cadden-Diego Fazio-Kelvin Okavo-Marco Mazzoni moment to hit me.  For those who are not aware, they are just a few of the world’s greatest pencil/graphite artists/drawers. All of whom, I think, keep their drawers on! 

Maybe a visit by the ghosts of Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Degas, Van Gogh is what I need.  I’m sure more than one ghost is allowed to visit at any given time.  In reality, though, if we open our eyes, and look around us, there is much to be inspired by...too often, we wear blinkers. 

Some shoppers the other day in IGA wished they had blinkers on (or masks) when I was doing my “Take It Off/Bang Bang Boom!” routine. 
Who knows? Maybe I missed my calling.  It’s not too late to start....as I displayed the other day...

Whole Roasted Strip Loin: Have a 2.3kg whole strip loin roast tied at 2-inch/5cm intervals. Coarsely grind 1tbs black peppercorns and 6 whole allspice berries together. Combine with 2tbs salt in bowl. Sprinkle mixture evenly over roast. Grate 4 garlic cloves; rub into beef. Line roasting pan with 2 bunches rosemary, thyme, or savoury; set roast on top. Leave to absorb seasonings for 1hr at room temp, or chill overnight (bring to room temp before roasting). Heat oven 200C; roast beef, uncovered, 1hr, for med-rare. Serve with roasted vegies, and Horseradish Sauce:- Whisk together 1c crème fraîche, 1tbs Dijon mustard, 3tbs grated horseradish, pinch cayenne; season.  

Chilli-Espresso Strip Loin Steaks: Preheat barbecue to med-high. Trim excess fat from 8 strip loin steaks, each at least 1-inch/5cm thick, about 250g each. Using tip of sharp knife, make shallow cuts, about 5cm apart around edges of steaks to stop them from curling. Stir 2tsp brown sugar, 2tsp chilli powder and 1tsp coarsely ground black pepper in small bowl. Using about 1tsp instant coffee granules, rub the coffee between your fingers to crush before stirring into seasonings; generously season steaks.  Oil grill; cook steaks with lid open, 5-6mins per side for med-rare etc.  Transfer to plates; let stand about 5mins before serving.

Chicken Strips: Heat oven 218C. Line baking sheet with foil; spray with cooking spray.  In a shallow dish, place ¼ plain flour; in another 1 egg beaten with 1tbs water; in another dish mix together 1c panko breadcrumbs and 1/2c grated Parmesan; coat strips in flour; then egg; then coat with breadcrumb mixture. Place on tray; bake 15-20mins, turning once, until golden brown; serve with dipping sauce of choice. 



37 comments:

  1. Oh no! The slipping of the slackage! Did the elastic give way or have you lost so much weight you have no hips left to hold them up?
    I remember the gypsy Rose movie with Rosalind Russell, I've just checked my hard drive list and I don't have it. It's one of my favourites, so I'll see if my K can download it for me.

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    1. Hey River...Yes...the wonderful Rosalind Russell, played Gypsy's mother, and Natalie Wood played Gypsy Rose Lee...I like that movie, too. It's been quite some time since I've seen it.

      Not sure about the weight...the elastic waist band seems to be still okay in the slacks. I might have to eat more Cherry Ripes!

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  2. Oh gosh, I'm laughing as I can really see the funny side to that.
    Once saw a women walk out of her knickers at the lights in the city, she didn't stop to pick them up, just stepped out and kept walking!
    Take care..

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    1. Oh! I was laughing my head off, too, Margaret...as did the butcher at IGA...he and I always have a good chat and laugh. The girl at the check-out laughed along with me when I told her! It was so funny!

      Thanks for coming by...take care. :)

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    2. Lee. So your friendly Butcher removes his heavy thumb from the scales when he serves you. lucky you.

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  3. Margaret D's story was me. In a crowded mall. I stepped out of them and kept walking. Probably the only time I have left 'my trash' for someone else to pick up. (they had only been on for an hour or so).

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    1. Hahahaha, EC. Similar did happen to my mother-in-law one Sunday...a very cold Sunday morning at the railway station at Wallangarra...on the border of Qld and NSW. A very cold winter morning....she was walking ahead of Randall and me when it happened. Another funny moment...and one I still have a laugh about when I think about it. :)

      Thanks for coming by...I hope all is well with you down your way. Make sure you keep your "troosers" on! :)

      Thanks for coming by.:)

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  4. An entertaining and enjoyable read. Our local IGA is a poky little place compared with other local supermarkets, seems like it has a 1960's time warp, a bit fuddy duddy, we shop there occasionally when we are desperate. BTW. I suggest you use stronger elastic in your unmentionables.

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    1. Hey, Vest...it wasn't my "unmentionables" that tried to escape...my slacks tried to do a Houdini trick :)

      Our IGA up here is a lovely store. It is only six years old...I was one of the chosen few to help with the opening of the new store/building...cutting the ribbon and cake. The previous, older shop was a lot smaller. I love our local supermarket...its prices are very competitive, as are its specials.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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    2. Lee you have a lot to be thankful for not losing your 'unmentionables':) I was standing in a queue at the ticket desk Sydney airport with my Mum who was quite a stylista.. when all of a sudden her 'unmentionables' dropped to the floor from under her dress!!! She neatly (and nonplussed) stepped out of them and put them in her handbag - I think I was more flabbergasted at her cool demeanor as those that saw (and there were a few) now knew she was standing there with out any undies on... Shock... Horror!! lol

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    3. Hahahahaha,Elle! I love it! :)

      Similar occurred to my late mother-in-law one day...many years ago now, as I mentioned in my above response to Elephant's Child. It surely did brighten up the day! Much laughter was shared. :)

      Thanks for coming by...I'm sorry by my tardiness...I've only now discovered your comment. :)

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  5. We have to laugh, Lee, at ourselves and enjoy the moments when “life happens” .

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    1. Yes, Arleen...we do have to laugh...and it's even more fun to be able to laugh at one's own self. I keep me highly amused! ")

      Thanks for coming by...take good care. :)

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  6. I was laughing as I read this - I have had things like that happen too - love how you laughed at yourself too. Food looks great.

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    1. Hey, Sandi. I'm glad you got a good laugh out of this...the incident was funny, and one that will keep me amused for some time, I think! lol

      Take care...thanks for coming by. :)

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  7. Heeheehee! The world has lost a great showwoman in that you feel you don't need to take up a new endeavor at this time. Ah, well, we shall have to be content with your entertaining writings.

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    1. G'day, messymimi...I could have made my fortue, messymim! Dammit! I've missed the boat...again!!! lol

      It does one good to have a laugh! Take care...thanks for coming by. :)

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  8. Laughing as that would probably happen to me. Does it mean you are losing weight? Be sure to post a drawing or two when you are ready.

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    1. Hey, Tabor...I'm not sure whether I've lost weight, or the slacks have stretched! lol

      I'm still getting myself wound up to start drawing...Shama, my female cat, is sitting on the sketch pad at present. She might be hinting she wants to be my life model!!

      Take care...thanks for coming by. :)

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  9. It happens (the slipping of the slacks), and it's good you can look at it with humor.
    Shirley Bessy and your ,as usual, great dishes, made my day.

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    1. Ahhhh, DUTA...if I ever lose my sense of humour...I may as well go and drown myself or something similar. To laugh is good...and, in particular, to be able to laugh at myself. I'm the best comedian around...it would be pity not to! lol

      I hope all is well with you up your way...take care...thanks for coming by. :)

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  10. Anonymous6:56 PM

    I think we need the name of the IGA to either shop at or avoid. My mother seems to often manage to tuck the back of her dress or skirt into her pantyhose.

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    1. I give no apology if I offend, Andrew! And I offended no one that day...but I did bring smiles and laughter to some...so, in my opinion...job well done. :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  11. What a funny story! As long as you can laugh at the situation it is okay. We all have incidents like that once in awhile I think. I am usually the first to laugh at myself and glad for that fact!

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    1. Hey, Bonnie...I, too, am the first to laugh at myself...and enjoy doing so. I keep me highly amused, frequently! :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  12. This was hilarious. You are so funny and had me going for a bit.

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    1. Hahahahahaha...I'm glad I was able to give you a good laugh, Sandra. :)

      Take good care...I hope all is well with you and yours....thanks for coming by. :)

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  13. Well, that was a fun blog. Enjoyed the songs, Shirley Bassey (never knew she could dance like that) and, as always, the mouth-watering recipes complete with pictures. Since we're shut in here, eating is the prime activity of the day. Pretty soon I'm going to have to dance like Shirley to keep the pounds from gaining on me.

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    1. Hey there, Dave! Keep swinging those hips. We should join up and become the new, 2020 dancing duo to rival Fred and Ginger...or Gene and Cyd!!!!! :)

      I hope you're all doing well up your way...take good care. Thanks for coming by. :)

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  14. Lee. The IGA Supermarkets around NSW are mostly franchises opposed to that of the conglomerates of Wesfarmers stores of Coles; Bunnings, K Mart etc. People living near our local IGA would need to travel about 4 km to the nearest Woolies; Coles Or Aldi. in order to escape living in the sixties, corner shop syndrome whiffing of candles accumulators turnips and kerosene being served across the counter by a fat old bloke in a light brown cotton coat. Those were in the days of what was referred to as personal service.

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    1. Same here,Vest, concerning IGA. This one here on Tamborine Mountain is "Carlos iGA". Carlos owns a few in NSW. I help open the new store six years ago and have met Carlos a couple of times. He's a nice fellow.

      I like shopping at our local IGA...the staff are all very cheerful, helpful and friendly...and I find IGA prices are very good, and much cheaper than the bigger conglomerates in many products. I have no complaints about IGA. Three cheers from me!! :)

      Thanks for coming by, Vest...take good care. :)

      The nearest Woolworths to here where I live is approx 25kms away.

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  15. When you first had me going on the strip tease, my thoughts were, "Sure. Why not.":)

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    1. The police might have had other ideas, Sandra! lol

      I hope you're doing well up your way. Take good care. :)

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  16. Moments like that are worth remembering - and sharing. Anything that results in laughter for yourself - and others - is good. I'm reminded of being at an international athletics meeting way, way back when the I and everyone in the crowd rose to their feet as the runners (it was the 800m) entered the home straight and John Walker started to pull away. Everyone except my toddler daughter who remained seated, frightened by the sudden noise, with the top of my strapless sunfrock gripped firmly in her little fist. And there I stood, arms in the air, naked to the waist. Happy days!

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    1. Hahahahahaha! Pauline!!! Oh! My God! Oh! Boy! I laughed out loud reading your comment...I still am! That is a classic! I love it! Thanks for sharing. How wonderful! lol

      I hope all is still well with you and yours...keep taking good care...all the best. Thanks for coming by...and thanks so much for the laugh. I can picture that moment! lol

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  17. Love the food here Lee …

    All the best Jan

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