My earliest recollections of my childhood extend back to an era when, even if briefly, life was simple, uncomplicated and happy. The way life is supposed to be for a young child. Sheltered from turmoils and hardships, I was allowed to run free within the safety of the boundaries set.
My mother, grandmother, older brother and I lived in premises attached to a little grocery store, in a seaside area east of Mackay. My mother had remarried. Our stepfather was also part of the equation. I felt no warmth towards him. Rarely did I encourage his attention nor did I venture to reach out to him. He was a violent man who harboured darkness in his soul. Truthfully, in reflection, I don't believe I was fearful of him. With the candour of a small child, I simply did not like him.
The store, situated close to the beach, catered to locals and regular day-trippers who came to enjoy the pleasures of the seaside. Laughter and eager chatter filled the air as folk, in brightly coloured clothes, sat under the pergola at tables adorned in crisp red and white gingham tablecloths. Bougainvillea decoratively draped itself over weather-beaten lattice. The aroma of sandwiches freshly prepared from warm bread filled the air. Each morning, I stood on tiptoes straining my small body to see above the edge of the table, as my mother prepared snacks for the hungry patrons. In eager anticipation, I watched as she cut the crusts from the bread. The crunchy tidbits bore remnants of the tasty filling of the sandwiches. These mouth-watering morsels became my special treat day after day. In my childish mind, I thought I was helping in my own small way as I hovered around my mother.
I was an extremely quiet, shy little girl. No other children lived close by with whom I could play. My timid observations of the comings and going of our daily visitors filled my days. I conducted my spying from afar. Always anxiously alert, fearful someone would see or speak to me. If such an unfortunate occurrence did eventuate, I rarely answered before I scampered back to the safety of the kitchen. However, I did have one friend. I rarely spoke to him, either. Nearby, in a run-down house, lived an elderly gentleman, his skin tanned and as tough as leather from years spent in the sun. Private and reclusive, he lived alone. An air of mystery surrounded him or so it appeared to me in my innocence. Strangely, I didn't fear him. Going against character, I felt kindly towards him. Cheerfully but meekly, I would visit him every other day, delivering his bread, milk and other minor provisions. Gingerly, I would approach him with my arms wrapped tightly around his supplies. Always he greeted me with a smile and a gentle word. My visits were brief. I wasted little time in handing him his goods before turning to scurry back home. My friend’s name was Mr Meagher. Each day he would swim in the sea. He would float, bent over with his face below the water for minutes at a time. He reminded me of a huge brown turtle.
Although I had no friends of my own age, I wasn’t lonely. With the ocean nearby, I spent many hours in the cool, calm waters or played along the beach, collecting shells and chasing the hordes of Soldier Crabs. Fortunately, I learned to swim at an early age. Because of this, I wasn't a worry to my mother or to my grandmother. My brother spent little time with me, as he was almost three years older than I. Being a girl, I compounded the problem. Often he became impatient with me, storming off in boyish disgust. He had already commenced school. He had his own group of friends, which, of course, excluded girls. Alone, in my own world, I dwelt, playing with my dolls. They were the only company I needed, I thought, until one wondrous day.
Excitement overcame me the day I was given my first pet. He was fluffy, furry and bright of eye. A beautiful grey and white tabby kitten was to become my new friend. I was smitten immediately. He was beautiful. He was mine. His four paws were snow white. To me, it appeared he wore socks. I named him “Socksie”. Socksie and I bonded instantly. Constantly, we were together. Every day new games were invented. I talked to him, petted and cuddled him constantly. We had tea parties wherein I discussed with him the day’s events. Socksie knew I would never, could never hurt him. How could I? I absolutely adored him. My small world was complete. I required nothing nor did I need anybody else to fill my heart with the love I felt for him. I was so proud. My doll family was ignored as I lavished my devoted attention on my kitten. I dressed him in their clothes, taking him for walks in my doll’s pram on sightseeing tours of my small oasis. He understood my words or so I believed. Calmly, he would lie watching my every move. Socksie had infinite patience to indulge a little girl her fantasies.
Each night I prepared a bed for him in my doll’s cot, plumping up the pillow, turning down the sheets and covers as I had watched my mother do for me. Tenderly I would place him in his bed, crooning a bedtime lullaby whilst patting him to sleep. Contented, I would go to my own bed with the knowledge that my dear friend was secure for the evening. Dreams of the adventures we would share the following days filled my nights. Unknown to me, as soon as I was tucked safely in my bed and fast asleep, he would stretch himself and spring out of his cosy cot to go adventuring on his own under the cloak of darkness. In his infinite cat wisdom, he understood the simple desires of his little mistress. Always he waited until I was asleep.
Great changes came. The shop was sold. We were moving to another town far away. The days became busy with the packing of cases, the moving of furniture. The air was alive with excitement and the thrill of adventure. A long train journey was ahead. Distance meant little to me, but I knew by the frenzied activity around me that the coming days held mystery and wonderment. My dolls were packed away in cartons. I had lengthy discussions with Socksie, informing him of what was to come. He, too, was in awe by the energy around him. A special box was in readiness for his train journey. The long-awaited day dawned. Late one night, we bundled into a taxi to be driven to the rail station. Arriving at the busy station, crowds of people milled, chatting excitedly as they waited to embark. I watched as Socksie was lifted from the taxi by my stepfather, who I decided there and then, knew nothing about cats by the way he roughly handled the cat box that was to be Socksie’s home for the duration of the train trip. Gathering my beloved friend under his arm, he headed towards the station platform. Poor Socksie was crying loudly, unaccustomed and frightened as I was from the foreign noises and strange people around us. I understood his fear. The herding people, the weird odours that permeated that odd place caused him panic. My heart cried out to him. How I wished I could hold him just for a short while to let him know I was there by his side.
The time had arrived to board the train. I looked down the platform to where my stepfather stood. Suddenly, to my amazed horror, I saw him purposely open the box. Within a split second, Socksie fled. I stood transfixed. My mouth was open but I couldn't utter a sound. Silently, I stared, as tears streamed down my face. Nothing around me appeared real. Time froze. I stood paralysed on the station platform. Totally powerless, I was unable to save my beloved pet. Finally, finding my voice, I screamed out to Socksie but he was gone. What could a small child do? I was bewildered, shattered and nobody could help me. I turned. Looking towards where my stepfather stood, I noticed a sneer on his face. I hated him for his heartlessness and cruelty. That night I experienced my first heartbreak...the loss of my first love, Socksie. And I've never forgotten him, nor that horrible night.
Fun acrylic "Feeling Groovy" and graphite drawing "Curiosity Didn't Kill The Cat" painted and drawn by me.