Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Committed to Non-Commitment

John Gray got it wrong in his "Men Are From Mars: Women Are From Venus"...I think men are from a planet far, far away...much further away than Mars...a planet yet to be discovered!

The differences between men and women are vast. Firstly, women think with their brains and feel with their hearts. Men don't think with their brains...we all know that. As for feelings and hearts...well, this one's a bit of a dilemma. I sometimes think men don't have feelings....or hearts, for that matter!

A friend of mine has been seeing her fellow for about nine years. He only visits on the weekends, rarely takes her out these days, preferring to spend the couple of nights they spend together watching videos. He goes to his parents for dinner on Saturday nights before turning up at my friend's home. I think he's treating their relationship like a comfortable pair of old shoes...if I were her I would use those shoes to give him a good boot up the butt!

I've not yet met a man who doesn't think with his penis...and I've known many men through my years, including in the biblical sense!

I wonder what it is men want or expect from a relationship...do they look for more than just fulfilling their carnal desires? Are they just looking for someone to prepare their food, to also take care of that section of their appetites?

What is it that men want? Why are some so careless with the heart of another? Is it because they just don't think? Or is it because they just don't care about anyone else but themselves? Is it that they only care about satisfying their own needs and desires?

Is romance still alive? Or is it only alive in the minds of women?


  1. oh dear, oh dear, oh dear... okay, the last one made me smile, this one - wohoo - you go girl!

    Lee, let me just tell you my history with men - I am sure you are just dying to know :-/

    I have been divorced, so far, three times - my first was here in Oz, on the Gold Coast, to a fairly dinkum aussie boy who's parents were a cut-above and were not amused. This lasted less than one year. No.2 was in NZ, Anthony was born in NZ to Italian parents who had migrated there as children. Sixteen wonderful years, but sadly tinged with that 'penis' thing you speak of, as he seemed to think that Italian men were entitled to do.

    Third time up, change of scenery when I married a man who had migrated to NZ in his twenties, a man from Belfast, Northern Ireland.

    My 'marriage' story sounds like the beginning of a joke, 'there was an Australian, an Italian and an Irishman...'

    Noel and I have been together now, for coming up 10 years.

    But I also have to say, about your friend's situation, that I have been no angel in my day - or, at best a fallen angel.

    Between marriages, I have had the best time, I think that's why I have jumped back into marriage after a while, sort of to protect me from myself. (too much information?)

    This may seem very shallow, but the finest 'arrangement' I ever had in my 'active' life was in a similar situation - the man in my life at the time was married (oooh!) - and I believe still happily so - they had their own 'understanding' - so he was not under-foot all the time.

    I had independance, freedom, cooked and ate what I liked, cleaned up after only myself, flirted at will, and then, occasionally my lover would arrive, with gifts of luxury food and drink, and all sorts of goodies, spend a few hours of really 'quality' time, and then depart leaving me to wallow in comfort. It's true we didn't get much of a life 'outside' together, but for that brief space of my life I was very comfortable indeed!.

    And other men? Well, my working life has centred around the professional environment of accountants and financial managers. Mostly men, of all ages and sizes and shapes and pre-dispositions, so, yes, a student of men I guess...

    great post... thanks Lee

  2. lol Your history is not far removed from my own, Della! ;)

    I've been married and divorced twice...never shall I enter that state again! This I swear! ;)

    You have been part of the United Nations! ;)

    I dare not go into details! ;)

  3. Anonymous12:54 AM

    Well, well. Two ladies after my own heart. As for men, where shall I start? I like the part time lover bit - he has his place, you have yours so you have a bolt hole, so to speak! Only thing I found is that while it worked for a bit, the guy wanted to take it further, ie move in. When I said "no", end of relationship! Funny huh?

    Guys don't like strong women, I have come to that conclusion over the years. But I'm not going to play some clinging vine little woman just to massage a fragile male ego! Tough, they can get over it. I have!

    Ok, I'll climb down from my soapbox now. Oh boy, Lee, you touched a chord there! Lol.

    Great post, though.

    Talk soon.


  4. Whooohooo! I really started something here! lol

    I believe if I was to have another relationship...there's a bit of a drought going on up here at present (*wink*) ....there is no way I would want whomever it was to move in with me, or me with him. I'm too used to my own space and independence...it may sound selfish but that's the way I like it. I'd find it very difficult to live with someone. (And they with me, I would imagine!) The perfect relationship would be to have someone that you can spend one or two nights with a week...and that's it...each remain in his/her own place and conjugal rights are not expected every damn night or day of the week...nor the washing, ironing etc., etc., et al! ;)

    It would be nice to have a kindred spirit to share a nice candle-lit dinner with..over a bottle or two of red every so often...but 'kindred spirits' are hard to find... a rare species, I believe...for me anyway...and up here on the mountain, I've yet to meet one, that's for sure. But then, I don't go looking either. To be honest, and I'm probably at fault here...my expectations are far too high. In saying that...they are high of myself too...not just of another...bad combination! lol

    I'm actually not a threat to any guy as I don't expect anything from them...that way I don't get disappointed! lol Sounds like a bit of a conundrum after my previous statement, doesn't it? :)

    I guess that's why I remain alone! ;)

  5. There was a time when I thought I would stay alone - I had 5 years in the early 1990s and was really happy - well, other things in my life were not as happy, but being alone was!

    Then circumstances saw me move from SA to QLD, and I took on a big mortgage at a time when I was earning serious money - but then more 'road humps', somebody died and the business got sold and I was out of a job - Noel moved in with me then, as a share-house arrangement and we've been like that for nearly 10 years.

    I often do the scale-balance thing - pros and cons - and on different days I would make different decisions.

  6. I've lived alone for many years now...so it would be very difficult for me to change...my habits...good and bad! ;)

  7. I have your part-time lover thing down to a science. My Martian lives in Denmark; I'm in the US. We can afford to visit maybe once a year, and otherwise we chat and e-mail and occasionally text-message on the phone. The nice thing about a chat/e-mail relationship is that you can say your piece without the dang man always either interrupting or rolling his eyes or yawning... or if he is, you don't know it, so it's ok!

    Weird how small a world can be, tho. I'm also married/divorced twice and really enjoy living alone. Just me & the dog, and when I tell her to get 'OFF" the bed, she doesn't give me any lip. ;)

  8. Aha...perfect situation you have there, Smukke! I kind of had one similar, but my 'Martian' disappears all too often back to Mars forgetting to return to 'Venus'! ;)

    I have two cats who take over my bed, leaving me with only with little room to spread. I don't dare disturb them! If I'm not in bed when they believe I should be there is hell to pay! And as for being welcoming to visitors, well, that's another story!