Tuesday, September 30, 2014

CHAPTER TWO - PASS ME THE MAYO, MATTEO!





So there I was in a “foreign” kitchen racing against the clock preparing for the night ahead; my first night as the restaurant's cook.  (I was a self-taught cook...not a formally-trained chef).

The sun refused to slow its descent, not even for me! It was rapidly disappearing over the western horizon.  There was no time to waste. 

Studying the restaurant’s comprehensive menu, I made quite a number of deletions to simplify that first service.  There was nothing else I could do.  I'd quickly whipped up a soup because there was no way I was prepared to serve the remains left in one of the fridges of what maybe had been a soup at one stage.  I'm prepared to bet I can beat any world record in the time it takes to make pumpkin! 

When the waitress arrived for her shift, I immediately took her aside and pointed out what she had to do; which items I’d temporarily removed from the menu for that evening’s service. I hated doing so, deleting dishes. It wasn’t something I enjoyed doing – having to tell diners that certain dishes listed on the menu weren’t available.  To my mind, it didn't shine a bright light upon the restaurant; any restaurant.  In any of the restaurants I cooked in throughout the ensuing years I hated having to do so, and 99.9% of the time I didn’t operate that way. Whatever was on the menu was available to the diners at all times.

However, that night I had no other choice.  And as it turned out, it was a practice I continued while cooking at “The Ebony Emu”; again, I was left with no other choices.

The menu was ridiculous.  It had far too many items on it.  For such a small restaurant whoever originally planned the menu needed their head read. There were about 10 offerings of chicken, done 10 different ways!  Similar applied to beef, fish/seafood and desserts.  There were even a couple of veal dishes on the menu, as well as pork!  To top all of the above off, there were five or six different duck dishes as well!   

For goodness sake! It was absolutely insane; and totally unnecessary.  The diners had about 20 entrees (“starters” for Northern Hemisphere readers) to choose from before they even got to the main meal orders! And then, of course, a multitude of desserts awaited!   I couldn’t believe it.  I still shake my head in wonderment when I think about it!

On that first evening by the time the clock ticked over and the restaurant doors were opened to the public, I was ready - somehow.  And I’d coached the waitress into what was required of her.

My bosses were milling about; the wife more than her husband.  He manned the bar while she wafted around the restaurant doing I knew not what.  Most of the time she just sat at a dimly-lit end corner of the bar. Every now and then she poked her head into the kitchen, but I was too busy to take much notice of her.  She had nothing constructive to offer, anyway!

I will never forget how concerned I felt that night when the first meals were taken off me by the waitress.  As Lisa (the waitress) headed out through the kitchen door to present the meals to the diners I felt as if someone had taken my baby from me.  An odd emotion flowed through my being. It was a really strange reaction; but it was how I felt.  I’d created what was on the plates.  I was proud of my creations…and once they were taken from me I felt had no further control over them.  It’s probably hard to understand unless you’ve been in a similar situation (within the restaurant trade, I mean)…but, in all honesty, it’s how I felt.

I had an overpowering urge to serve the tables myself; to greet and smile at the diners who were about to eat my food.  I didn’t know how the waitress dealt with the public.  I’d met her only about 30 minutes or so before the restaurant opened for the night’s service.  For all I knew, she could’ve had a gruff approach.  Eye appeal of the food on the plate is very important; almost as important as the taste of the food itself; and so is the person serving the food.  A meal can quickly be ruined by the manner of the person waiting on the tables. 

As it turned out I need not have worried.  Lisa was a very proficient waitress with a wonderful manner towards the diners.  All went smoothly in that department; and in no time at all, she and I worked together well. She was on my side; or in today’s vernacular –“we were on the same page”.  (However, the monstrosity of a menu had more than one page)!

Pointing out to Lisa that, in my opinion, the menu had far too many dishes listed for such a small restaurant/turnover, I explained what my intentions were until I could sway Ellen, my boss, the owner of the premises to allow me to produce a new, concise menu more suitable to the restaurant’s requirements and covers.  The existing menu was far too confusing.  Too much stock needed to be carried to cater to it.  Too much stock was wasted, and far too much stock was being frozen in the sparse refrigeration to cover the numerous, varied dishes.  There was no logic to how the kitchen-restaurant was being run. 

Against everything I believed in, and going against my grain, I consciously deleted certain dishes from the menu, informing Lisa of what I'd done each time she turned up for her shift.  I then got to work on Ellen, but that was like whistling in the wind.  Finally, she agreed to allowing me to put together a new menu, but with her final approval.  I worked conscientiously on a new menu; presented it to her and a day later, she refused to go with it!

Two can play the game.   

I didn’t argue with Ellen; there was no point.  It was kind of like the saying – “all the lights were on, but no one’s at home”.  So I just continued on deleting dishes off the menu, as I saw fit – by ruling lines through them.  It wasn’t a very attractive look on the menu; and I hated having to deal with the problem that way, but I wasn’t going to be held responsible for poisoning a diner/s because of the ignorance and stubbornness of the owners.  Nor was I prepared to use frozen produce all the time.  I wanted to use fresh produce; so I did.  She never looked at the menu, anyway.  And she was totally oblivious to what was going on around her.

I'd argued until I was purple in the face about the way the mayonnaise was stored; but I gave up on that, too.  It was a pointless argument.  Ellen never listened to what I had to say, let alone heed my suggestions. She had absolutely no clue how to run a restaurant kitchen, or even a restaurant.  Her people skills were non-existent.

I had a simple remedy - I just didn't use mayonnaise.  It was deleted from the menu and from my mind.  The buckets of mayo could rot as far as I was concerned.

And then there was her husband – Dudley.  He was another strange person.  They were kindred spirits; a good pair!

Each evening, no sooner had I sent the last main meal out Dudley, behind the cocktail bar, would start tallying up the night’s takings, as well as going around the empty tables, putting the chairs up on said tables to make it easy to clean the floor!   The clinking of coins and the scraping of chairs on the floor before they were put up on the tables echoed through the restaurant while diners were still eating.  It was comedy! The diners would still be there TRYING to relax over their meal.  Night after night, most had not yet finished their main meal, and they, at one stage, no doubt, had had thoughts of having dessert, followed perhaps by coffee and liqueurs – that is, until all the closing-up activities started going on around them!  It was unbelievable - and so very rude!

To my mind what Dudley did was disrespectful to the diners - and to me, the person cooking the meals! It was an insult of the highest degree!

His bad manners made me feel very embarrassed (and angry). I’d stop what I was doing in the kitchen, enter the dining area and go out around the tables talking cheerfully with the customers in an effort to appease the situation - trying to distract their attention from the stupidity of what was happening around them.

I tried to explain to Dudley what he was doing was the height of bad manners, but nothing sunk in.  I’m not sure what world he and Ellen lived in, but I didn’t want to be part of it.

I didn’t stay long at The Ebony Emu. I didn’t want my name linked with the place. Soon after I left so did they! Little wonder! 

It certainly was an experience…but one that didn’t put me off working/cooking in restaurants.   

Dudley and Ellen should never have entered the hospitality industry.  They didn’t have a hospitable bone between them – not even a chewed upon chicken bone! 


Lee's Pumpkin Soup: Melt 30g butter in a large saucepan; sauté 1 finely-chopped onion, 2 celery stalks, diced and 2 crushed garlic cloves, until soft, without colouring. Add a couple of pinches of ground cumin; fry very gently for a minute or so. Add 750-800g peeled Jap (or butternut) pumpkin, cut into pieces, 2 cups quality vegetable or chicken stock, 2c water and 1 can diced tomatoes. Bring slowly to the boil; simmer, covered for about 15 minutes, until the pumpkin is tender. Season to taste. Cool slightly and purée the mixture in several lots, using a food processor or blender (or, preferably, in the pot, using a stick blender). Check seasoning to taste. If you feel the soup is too thick add a little more stock…but don’t make the soup too thin.  Reheat gently; ladle into bowls.  Swirl a little cream on top, if you like; or sprinkle with coarsely- chopped parsley or torn fresh coriander (cilantro).

 Piri-Piri Chicken: Make the piri piri sauce; put 2 char-grilled capsicums/peppers, 1-2 dried chillies and 1 large, long red chilli, deseeded and chopped, 1tbs red wine vinegar, 4 chopped garlic cloves, 1/2tsp smoked paprika and 1/2tsp coriander powder into a food processor. Add enough olive oil to make a loose paste. Spread the piri piri over 2 chicken thighs (boneless if you like); marinate overnight. Heat barbecue or griddle pan to hot; cook chicken on both sides until crisp, brown and cooked through.  Heat the remaining marinade in saucepan; Serve with the chicken.  Sprinkle cooked chicken with chopped coriander, lemon/lime wedges, extra sauce and fresh, crusty bread. 

Potato-Kumara-Soy Mayonnaise Salad:Combine 1-2tbs soy mayonnaise and 1tsp Dijon mustard; set aside. Cook 2 large sweet potato/kumara and 2 large potatoes in a large saucepan of salted boiling water for 12 minutes or until each are just tender; don’t overcook. Drain. When cool enough to handle, cut into 2cm pieces; place in large bowl; add thinly-sliced shallots, 1 red onion, diced; while the potatoes are still warm; add a little vinaigrette dressing; toss the salad; then add soy mayonnaise; coat the vegetables well; serve.

33 comments:

  1. What an awful restaurant story. Crazy people. I'm glad you didn't stay long. I'm glad they do spot checks on restaurants for cleanliness these days and then the restaurants (proudly ?)display the ratings for all to see. I'm sure there are still some horror kitchens out there. I like the ones that allow you to see easily into their kitchens. Went to lunch yesterday where you almost walked through the kitchen to get to the other side of the restaurant and they were happy to show you how they prepared the lunch.

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  2. Sigh. They seem to have been well out of their depth. I wonder why they went into a business so alien to them - and I too am glad that you didn't stay with them for long.

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  3. Yum! I will so make a vegan version of that pumpkin soup.

    It's amazing to me how fucking clueless some people can be. And even more amazing that they "serve" the public.


    I love how you just crossed out some menu items with a ruler! Wish we could do that with people...

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  4. Hey Helsie. I wouldn't have been held responsible for what I would've done to those two if I'd stayed around any longer than I did! It was safer for all concerned that I left! lol

    I've never worked in a dirty kitchen...but I know there are many horror stories around!

    Thanks for coming by. :)

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  5. They were hopeless, EC. Dumber & Dumber! lol

    Nice to see you...thanks for your comment. :)

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  6. Hi RK...I put that pumpkin soup recipe and the potato salad up with you in mind. Thanks for coming by. :)

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  7. Oh Lee, just thinking about working in a restaurant makes me panic. And these folks seem ridiculous, on top of the usual stresses and strains .

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  8. Oh, and I will try the pumpkin soup recipe - looks delish.

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  9. Hey, Jenny. I loved restaurant work...both in the kitchens and on tables.

    I've just worked outI had something to do with the hospitality industry in one way of the other for 33 years...so it was just as well I did enjoy it! It's a crazy industry...I guess you have to be a bit crazy to be in it...that why I fit in! ;)

    I hope you enjoy your soup!

    Thanks for popping in. :)

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  10. I knew you wouldn't have stayed long ~ unlike the mayonnaise. Fortunately they didn't serve emu as well as the variations on chicken and duck. Have a great weekend Lee.

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  11. Hahahaha! You have a point there, Carol! However, in one restaurant I cooked in, I once did cook and serve up emu...and it went down a treat. It was a group of US financiers...and they gobbled it up!

    Thanks for coming by...enjoy your weekend, too...it sounds like you're in for a good one. :)

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  12. I enjoyed this continuation of your story Lee. Your passion for food and good service comes across strongly. I am always suspicious of long menus and prefer to see a much reduced list of options for each course. More chance the menu items will be fresh and produced with culinary focus. Oh by the way, for those of you in the southern hemisphere - "entrees" is a northern hemisphere word - French in fact!

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  13. I have never heard of a place where the wait staff had a say over what came out of the kitchen. Of course, when they observe people not liking certain items, their input most certainly should be considered.

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  14. Yorky...I know "entrée" is a northern hemisphere/French-origin word...but in the USA it's usage/meaning has moved to being the main course whereas here and elsewhere it an entrée is a dish served before the main meal...a starter dish. Hence my clarifying that for my US readers. :)

    The menu at The Ebony Emu was as long as a lengthy novel...until I got my hands on it, that is! Thanks for coming in. :)

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  15. Hi Jerry...I think you've misunderstood what I wrote.

    The waitress didn't (and don't) have control over what came out of the kitchen. However, the manner of a waiter/waitress goes along way into helping the diners enjoy their evening and their meal - and the restaurant as a whole.

    If a waiter doesn't have a pleasant, knowledgeable and efficient attitude towards the diners, it sure as hell doesn't help.

    My point was on that first night when my first meals left the kitchen in the hands of a stranger I had absolutely no idea what her manner was towards the diners. She could've been the rudest person on the coast for miles for all I knew.

    I could've cooked the best food on the coast, but if she had a bad attitude towards the guests and wasn't a good waitress all my good work and intentions would've quickly gone out the window. What happened out at the tables was beyond my control.

    Good manners and a pleasant, helpful attitude goes a long, long way....in all walks of life.

    I hope that explains it.

    Thanks for calling by. :)

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  16. Thank you for explaining that, and it now makes perfect sense to me--especially when it comes to fine dining. For with prices being as substantial as they usually are, I would think that most diners would be rather reluctant to try something new (even if only to them) when the server acts like they have no idea what it is--let alone how well it tastes while a great server can save a chef's bacon (so to speak) when a meal does not turn out to be what the diner imagined.

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  17. Yep! That is true, Jerry. Thanks for coming all this way again! :)

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  18. My waiter service would be very Manuel like I can tell thee!

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  19. That I can imagine, Mr. Ad-Man! lol

    You could've been hired for in-house entertainment, however! :)

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  20. My parents were self-taught restaurateurs - it can be mighty stressful but happily, as owners as well, managerial issues were rare!

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  21. Hey Cosmo...you'd understand my tale, then...and yes...it is a stressful business...but also a fun one.

    Thanks for coming by. :)

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  22. Not something I wound want to do - commercial cooks have my sympathy and admiration!

    Nice post.

    Cheers - Stewart M - Melbourne

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  23. Hey there Stewart...I think you need to be a little crazy to go into it...that's why I fitted in well, I guess! :)

    Thanks for popping in. :)

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  24. I would never have had the stamina to see it through with those people. I would have thrown in the towel (and spatula) immediately and walked away.

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  25. Hi Grannie Annie....I didn't stay long - a couple of months at the most...but I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction. I had something to prove and I wasn't going to let myself down until I proved it. :)

    I walked away with my head held high.

    Cheers...thanks for coming by. :)

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  26. So glad you didn't stay long. You have done so many things! Sorry to be late to this post.

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  27. That's pretty funny. I'm guessing when Dudley was tallying up the takings at the end of the night, it didn't take him very long.

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  28. Hi Lynn...no need to apologise; it's always good to see you. :)

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  29. Hahaha...so right, Dexter. His ignorance and bad manners were unbelievable...some people should just never be in that business!!!

    Thanks for popping in. :)

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  30. There's no way I could work in restaurant. I panic enough in my own kitchen! And anyway, whenever you see chefs on TV they're always bloody well yelling and screaming. I couldn't stand it!

    Pumpkin soup recipe sounds delicious :)

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  31. Wendy...commercial kitchens do become hectic; they are pretty stressful places when service is under full steam! And one can't be standing around making niceties...it doesn't quite work that way!

    The public can be pretty unforgiving, demanding, impatient cattle, and if their needs aren't met promptly and correctly...it's time to get out of the kitchen!

    My vocabulary certainly expanded greatly from working in restaurant kitchens! lol

    Thanks for coming by. :)

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  32. First of all, I loved the name of the restaurant, Elbony Emu. I got to read both chapters yesterday and enjoyed being able to read both at once. As for mayo, we in the south of the USA like it as much as we like real butter. But alas, the owners were trying to kill someone with the way they stored the stuff. Most of our salads have a nice helping of mayo. How in the world can you make tuna salad without mayo????? Enjoyed the read as usual. Peace

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  33. Hi Lady Di....I know everyone uses lashings of mayo...but, as I've never liked it, I prefer to replace it with sour cream or yoghurt. And as I wrote, when I had my greengrocery-healthfood store I did used soy mayo in some of the salads I made for sale.

    As you can see..I never used any mayo in The Ebony Emu....I just let the buckets of mayonnaise remain where they were, untouched by this human's hands! Thanks for coming by. :)

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