ODDS ON FAVOURITE! NO HANDICAP! BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN!

One of St. Bernard Hotels' St. Bernards!

“It’s a beautiful day for the race...

 Stooge Hand is the favourite today; 
Assault is in there, 
Dog Biscuit is 3 to 1; 
Safety Pin has been scratched – Ya! Ya! 
And at 20 to 1...Beetlebomb! 

A jockey is having trouble with his jersey...they’re off! 

Turtle by a neck; 
Chewing Gum sticking to the rail; 
Pants on the outside; Underwear in the inside; 
Toilet paper coming up the rear; 
Cabbage is second by a head; 
Cabbage by a head; 
 
Dog Biscuit is now leading the pack; 
Banana is coming through the bunch; 
Apartment House is second with plenty of room;
And Girdle in the stretch, 
With Mother-in-Law nagging in the rear...
And Beetlebomb! 

Into the back stretch Assault is passing Battery – Assault and Battery...
And at last place by 10 lengths I believe it is...yes, it is – Beetlebomb!   

And now they come down to the wire...and there goes the winner....Beetlebomb!

Before you think I’ve finally lost the plot, there is no need to be concerned - I lost the plot years ago. 

Those of you who are of my generation, give and take a few years, would’ve grown up listening to the satirical American musician, bandleader Spike Jones & the City Slickers on your mantle radios. His popular race call featuring none other than the infamous ‘Beetlebomb” was accompanied by Rossini’s “William Tell Overture”, which was played on and with kitchen utensils and implements.  The recording was released in the late 1940s. It kept its appeal through the Fifties. (Look it up on YouTube).

When I was a kid every year in the lead up to the Melbourne Cup Spike Jones’ “Beetlebomb” was played many times over on the radio. It was all in the name of a bit of harmless, innocent fun. 

Also when my brother and I were kids the Marx Brothers’ movies were favourites, too.  We never tired of the hilarious brilliance of the Marx Brothers pictures at the Saturday afternoon matinees, even though their movies were made a few years before both of us were born. 

Their 1937 film “A Day at the Races” never failed to raise laughter.  It still has the power.  The Marx Brothers will never be "unfunny".  The Three Stooges still make me laugh, too.

Maureen O’Sullivan, the mother of Mia Farrow, actress and ex-wife of the late, great Frank Sinatra, starred alongside Groucho, Harpo and Chico Marx in the very funny movie. 

O’Sullivan was also “Jane” to Johnny Weissmuller’s “Tarzan” in the 30s and40s “King of the Jungle” movies.  Underhand trickery and dirty deals are resorted to as the big day looms in “A Day at the Races”.  Much money and lots of hope was placed on the horse “Hi-Hat” to win the main race.  A few who got on their high horse fell off when the winner of the race was announced.  I won’t give away the ending. There’s nothing worse than spoiling the suspense and fun for you if you’ve not seen the movie! 

The time has come for me to don my gladrags; dust off my hat or wipe the cobwebs from my fascinator.  Which one will I wear – hat or fascinator? Hang on!  I might leave the cobwebs on the fascinator.  Fascinatingly, the cobwebs look like net.  I’m sure I can get away with it - no one will notice.  The natural look is in fashion during this year’s Melbourne Cup Carnival.  I keep up with the trends, you know; or I gallop past them.   If I race far enough ahead of what’s in vogue today I’ll meet up with it on the way round and I’m fashionable again, if you get my drift!

I’ll stop now while I’m a nose in front. It’s time to study horse forms. 

It's Tuesday, 1st November - meaning it's the first Tuesday in November - it also means it's Melbourne Cup Day!  The legendary Melbourne Cup is always held on the first Tuesday in November.

I’m still studying the forms even though I placed my bets on the Melbourne Cup yesterday. I'm surrounded by newspaper information on the races, horses, trainers, owners and jockeys.

I always gallop off to the TAB on the Monday, the eve (in the morning of the eve) of The Cup because I don’t want to get caught up in the madding crowd today.  I was the first one at the TAB at the historic St. Bernard's Hotel, which is around the corner and along the road a bit from where I live.  I go to St. Bernard's Hotel once a year...on the Monday before Melbourne Cup to place my bets.  

These days it's the only horse race I have a bet on.  Hey!  It's un-Aussie not to get into the spirit of The Cup.  When my brother, Graham was alive he knew everything about horses (not only those running in the Melbourne Cup)...all their history and that of their hoops, owners, trainers, sires and dams.  He often would ring me with a tip or two, but since Graham's passing 18 years ago, I only ever have a flutter on the Melbourne Cup. 

Today I’ll be watching all the races including The Cup leisurely here at home without interruption.  I’m not one for attending Melbourne Cup luncheons and the like.

They’re usually fully of noisy folk who wouldn’t know one end of a horse to the other; and you never get to see or hear the race clearly.  I like to watch today’s events...all of them in peace. Throughout my working life I catered for enough Melbourne Cup Day lunches to last me two life times. (And I never enjoyed doing same).

I’ve already put together a tasty antipasto platter upon which I intend to leisurely graze throughout the day – at my own speed.  Depending on my mood, I might just stick to coffee and water, or perhaps I might have a couple of Crownies; maybe a couple of Scotches...or perhaps go all out and have some champagne.  I was given a bottle of French Champagne a couple of weeks ago and it’s chilling in my fridge.  Who knows? Not me...as I said, it depends on my mood as the day progresses.

I began watching the Melbourne Cup Carnival on Saturday just gone...that was the commencement of the Carnival...and I’ll watch every race day until the culmination on this coming Saturday.  I love this time of the year.  The thoroughbreds are magnificent creatures.  And I love seeing the fashions on the field, too.

On your mark! Get set ! Go!  See you at the finish line! Drinks are on the house!  A safety harness is mandatory. I don’t want you falling off the roof!    By George!  It’s Beetlebomb by a head!   He’s the bomb with such aplomb!

Tomato Patties:  Combine 8 large, chopped ripe tomatoes, 1 large finely chopped onion, 10 chopped mint leaves and1tsp sugar; season. Gradually add self-raising flour until mixture is thick, but still moist. Pour some olive oil into pan. When hot drop in spoonfuls of mix; fry on both sides until golden; drain; serve with Tzatziki Sauce: Combine 3tbs olive oil, 1tbs vinegar, 2 finely minced garlic cloves, salt and pepper. Whisk 1c Greek yoghurt, 1c sour cream; add olive oil mixture; add 2 peeled, seeded, diced cucumbers and 1tsp chopped dill. Chill Tzatziki 2 or so hours.

Greek Tiropita: Crumble 200g feta; add 2 large beaten eggs, 100g grated Parmesan, 100g grated Gouda, 100g ricotta, 2tbs chopped mint and 3/4c cream; season; chill 20-30mins. Brush sides and base of 20x30cm baking tray with melted butter. Place 1 filo sheet on base; brush with olive oil/ butter. Repeat process, adding 4-5 more filo sheets; brush with oil/butter as you go. Pour in cheese mixture. Fold excess filo over mixture; top with 4-5 more filo sheets; oil/butter each sheet before adding another; roll in edges. Brush top with oil/butter; sprinkle sparingly with water; sprinkle over sesame seeds. Score top; bake in preheated 180C oven, 45-50mins. Cool; then cut into squares to serve.

  

Greek Meatballs: Combine 1kg lamb mince, 1 large red onion, grated, 2 minced garlic cloves, 1tsp oregano, 2tsp chopped mint, 1/2tsp cumin, 1/2tsp coriander, 1/2c breadcrumbs, 1tbs olive oil, 1 egg, 1tbs finely grated pecorina or Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese; season. Mix together with your hands; chill 30mins.  Roll mixture into walnut-size balls; dredge lightly in flour; fry in oil, 7-8mins; or bake in 200C oven, 20mins, turn halfway through. Serve with Tzatziki Sauce. 

  

Mini Caprese Bites: Using 500g cherry tomatoes and 250g mozzarella (I’m using Feta) – thread a cube of the cheese, then thread a cherry tomato half, another piece of cheese, another tomato half and a basil leaf onto toothpicks;  then place in shallow serving dish.  Lastly whisk together 1/4c x-virgin olive oil, 2tbs balsamic vinegar, 1/4tsp salt, 1/4tsp freshly ground black pepper and fresh basil leaves; drizzle mixture over the Caprese Bites.

 

Spike Jones...."Beetlebomb"!

PS:   I BACKED THE FIRST AND SECOND HORSES IN THE CUP!!!  WHOOHOOO!   ALMANDIN - FIRST.....HEARTBREAK CITY....SECOND!!!!    YEEE-HAAAA!!!