FICTION IS STRANGER THAN FACT!

Many things/events/human behaviours cause me to shake my head.  Some behaviours and attitudes are major detours from normalcy; others minor. 

On the minor. lighter side...the number of female protagonists and their female co-stars in movies and TV series with long, loose hair flowing down their backs when they’re dealing with hands-on, vigorous situations is fiction taken to extremes, and beyond. Barely a strand – not an errant, wayward wisp goes out of place even in the most action-filled scenes. The unchecked manes remain immoveable.

Short hair, in most instances, is confined to actors...aka male thespians... as opposed to the female “actress/es”. (No p/c gender-neutral in operation here. You won’t hear me calling “pregnant women” – “pregnant people” - as some bright sparks suggested a couple of weeks ago)!  

There are the exceptions in the male sphere...of course....

Male buns of the hair variety are fashionable, too...but they don't offend, or annoy me.

Glamorously-attired lady lawyers in TV series strut through offices, and along the corridors of power, their unlocked long locks gracefully fluid and loose, hanging down their back.  From the look of their wardrobes, no wonder the lawyers charge so much for their services.  I guess it’s also why they can afford to have a personal hairdresser on call at all times...Hence the tidy hair.... ”Blowin’ in the Wind” doesn’t refer to them.

Female cops who look like they’ve just stepped out of a hair salon, tackle crims with not a bobby-pin or barrette in sight...pictures of perfection looking down the barrel of their gun.  I want to jump into the scenes with a ribbon, rubber band, scissors, or scrunchies (scrunchies are back in fashion I read somewhere)...grab the long hair and securely tie it back, or plait it; or, in desperation, cut it all off!

A while back I ceased watching one series because the lead actress’ hair was in her eyes and over her face all the time. It annoyed the whatsits out of me. I couldn’t understand why it didn’t do similar to her. 

Contestants on cooking shows with their long hair dangling around their faces while preparing food make me want to scream. For years I worked in the hospitality industry, and for years I cooked in commercial/restaurant kitchens.  My hair was long...very long, well past my waist.  Never letting it loose, I always wore it pulled back off my face, in a long plait down my back.  It’s more than a little off-putting to find a long hair in your soup...or wound around your Filet Mignon...or wrapped around a few asparagus stems instead of bacon strips or pancetta.

On the subject of annoying things... how come there aren’t more car accidents in movies and television series? 

The characters drive along roads, busy city streets, and highways with their eyes off the road...for minutes at a time...talking to the passenger/s...their eyes on the passenger, not on the road ahead.  If I did similar when driving I’d end up in somebody’s front yard, or off the mountain down into the valley below, springing an unexpected visit on our neighbours in Canungra or Tamborine Village!  “G’Day!  I’ve just dropped in for a cuppa!”

One day, many years ago, my ex and I were travelling back from Brisbane’s northern suburb of Geebung, via the busy route along Lutwyche Rd, through Windsor, Herston, etc., on our way through the city to our home in the western suburb of Toowong.

Randall and I were backseat passengers (not backseat drivers) of the car driven by one of his cousins. Chatterbox cousin insisted on turning his head around to face us every time he opened his mouth to speak – which was often!   His head was going back and forth like those clowns in side-show alley.  His mouth was constantly open, like the clowns, too!

Subtly, I nudged Randall, and mouthed, “Let’s stop talking!”

I feared we’d end up the back of another car, or crash through the front entrance of the Royal Brisbane Hospital at Herston – self-delivery – no ambulance required! 

The rest of the trip was conducted in silence, with no prangs along the way, thankfully.   

My first grey hair made its appearance during that trip, I think. 

We knocked back the cousin’s offer to pick us up the following day to attend a family picnic.  Politely, we told him we’d take our own car, and meet him at the designated spot!

Constant texting in movies/series annoys me, too.  Give me spoken dialogue, please – something I can hear!  Just because the actors/actresses have forgotten their lines doesn’t mean I have to be the one who suffers. Most of the time the text is so small it’s illegible. 20/20 vision be damned...even those with rare 20/10 vision would find the text impossible to decipher. I twiddle my thumbs until the texting ends, letting my imagination do the talking.

Another thing that annoys me is background music in movies and/or series that drowns out the dialogue!  And, accents that a difficult to decipher...and, one last thing....subtitles that are too small to read!   

Many more things annoy me, but if I don’t cease and desist for now, I will start annoying you – if I’ve not already managed to do so....

Corn Soup: Cut kernels off 5 corn cobs; toss with salt; let sit at room temp 1-3hrs; then put into blender with 3 chopped garlic cloves, 250g yellow cherry tomatoes, halved, 2 chopped yellow capsicums, 1c diced onion, 1 seeded, sliced jalapeno, and 3-4 sprigs coriander; season; blend until smooth. Serve; garnished with drizzle of olive oil, fresh corn kernels, and coriander.

Cucumber Soup: Place 4c peeled, seeded, chopped English cucumbers, 1c almond milk, 2 garlic cloves, 4-5 fresh basil leaves, 2 shallots, 1 peeled, cored Red Delicious apple, juice of ½ lime and salt into blender; purée until smooth. Add additional almond milk to thin, if needed; chill 1-2hrs. Garnish with diced cucumber, diced red capsicum and slivered almonds.

Marinated Grilled Skirt Steak: Trim away layer of fat from one side of 700g skirt steak. Combine juice of 2 limes, 3 minced garlic cloves, 1/2tsp salt, /2tsp black pepper, 1/2c chopped coriander and pinch of cayenne in bowl; add 1/2c olive oil; add steak; chill 30-60mins.  Salad; Juice of 2 limes, 1/4c x-virgin olive oil, 1-2tbs honey, 1/2tsp cumin, and 1/2tsp garlic powder. Drizzle some dressing in a bowl; top with handfuls of rocket, cooked corn kernels cut off cob, halved cherry toms, and 1 thinly sliced red onion. Toss; season to taste.  Heat oiled grill med-high. Sear steak 4-5mins; flip; cook to desired doneness; remove from grill; let sit 5-7mins, loosely covered with foil.  Slice steak against grain into thin slices; serve with the salad. 

Asparagus..It’s a Wrap: Adjust oven rack to centre position; preheat oven 204C. Line a baking sheet with foil and place a wire rack on top. Spray rack with oil spray.  Place 5 slices of thick-cut bacon evenly apart on pan.  roast until bacon just begins to shrink, and turns a slightly red colour, but is still flexible.  The bacon shouldn’t be too crisp, because it will break when wrapping around the asparagus.  In small bowl, whisk together 2tbs olive oil, 1/4c pure maple syrup and 1/2tsp cracked black pepper. Remove bacon from oven; brush with maple syrup mixture on both sides; roast bacon further 3mins; cool until easy to handle.  Divide 450g trimmed asparagus spears into five even bundles; wrap one bacon slice, overlapping, over length of spears, or just around the centre of the spears.  Secure with toothpick; place back onto baking rack. Generously brush with maple syrup mixture; season lightly. Roast bundles 10mins; removed from oven; brush just the bacon with the maple syrup mixture; roast a further 5mins, or until bacon is browned and crispy, and asparagus is tender. Remove toothpicks; serve hot.

Filet Mignon: Preheat grill to med-high heat and lightly oil the grates. In a food processor, pulse together 125g cream cheese, 125g goat cheese, 3/4c sun-dried tomatoes, 10 large basil leaves, salt, and ground black pepper. Cut a slit in the side of 4x180g eye fillet steaks; spoon in about 1 tablespoon of cheese mixture. Place steaks, slit side down onto a slice of pancetta/or rindless bacon rasher; wrap it around, securing with a water-soaked toothpick. Place steaks on the grill and cook for about 6-8 minutes per side, turning once, until the pancetta/bacon is crisp.