Tuesday, April 30, 2019

I’M A FRAUD – AND NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT!




Now that I’ve finished bingeing on Hot Cross buns and Cherry Ripes until next Easter, and Clint Lindt retains his secure position as a long-term, non-rent-paying resident in my fridge, please sit down; prepare yourself.  The shock you receive from what I’m about to confess might knock the wind out of you.  Perhaps have a bottle of brandy nearby.

There is no escape. I’ve nowhere in which to hide.  The time has arrived... I must come clean. 

No!  I’m not about to have a shower...that will happen later after I’ve laid everything bare. Uh-oh!  I’m digging myself a deep ditch here.  It seems I can’t help myself whatever I say; whichever way I say it!  Perhaps I’d best grab myself a pair of gumboots to enable me to plough forth through the mire before I get bogged. A shower will definitely be on the cards after I lift the lid on the truth; after I finish flinging the dirt. 

Don’t jump to unfounded conclusions – presumptions I’m about to dish the dirt on someone. I am not. This is all about me.  As self-centred and egocentric it may sound, I have to spill the beans.  The reality will be revealed.  I can’t go on living under this cloak of falsehood.  Guilt is eating away at me – eroding my being.  It’s nagging me at every turn, refusing to halt the torment. 

You may be living under fallacious assumptions about me. If I’ve misled you; if you feel I’ve been duplicitous, dishonourable; of unsound mind – the latter could be true – it wasn’t my intention...I cross my heart. 

With heart crossed, in complete sincerity, wholeheartedly, I apologise. Now that’s done and dusted, it sure is a load off!  I know it’s taken a while, but finally, the air has been cleared.  I can breathe easily once more.

Oh!  The realisation has hit me...I’ve not given you the reason for my profound, earnest, complex, lengthy apology.  Sorry...I got carried away, and ventured off track.  It’s something that happens as one grows older if you believe what those “in the know” tell us.  Repeating one’s self is another affliction to which I’ve succumbed.

Here I go! Onward and upward! No more procrastination...bite the bullet, Lee. I’ll try to prepare for the consequences ahead....

I confessed my sins to a lovely gentleman – a complete stranger – while he and I stood pondering in an IGA supermarket aisle the other day. We both were ruminating over gravy mixes.  If I had the guts to tell the courteous stranger, it is time you knew the truth, too. 

The recipes herein are not my creations.  There!  I’ve said it!

Also, I rarely prepare them for myself – or anyone else, for that matter.

With head lowered, I humbly accept the castigations you deem applicable. I won't even duck for cover.

In past years, too many to count – I’d run out of fingers and toes - I cooked for the masses in various commercial venues throughout this state of ours, and received payment for doing so.  Also, through the years I hosted myriad private dinner and luncheon feasts, playing hostess to personal guests...friends.  Enough cooking to fill two, perhaps, three lifetimes!

Being in confession mode, I don’t do much cooking at all nowadays.  Have I become lazy in that department?  I guess, in truth, the answer is “Yes”!

“Easy and fast” is my motto.  “Simple, quick, no-fuss” is another. 

If you’ve been living under the false impression every day I’m cooking up a storm, please erase the thought from your mind.  That does not happen.

The truth is, most days I’m on a “raw diet”.  Frequently, my regular daily fare consists of fresh fruit along with raw mixed nuts, with a few or more dried cranberries; a choice I thoroughly enjoy.  

One or two days a week I prepare a cooked lunch for myself. Doing so is solely dependent upon my mood on the day.  Lunch is my main meal - whatever is the makeup of that meal may be.  I’ve not prepared a meal at night for quite a number of years now.  The status quo shall continue....

The good old standbys....toasted or grilled cheese sandwiches are on my list of “Easy and fast”/“Simple, quick, no-fuss”, too.   

They were my late night snack choices after I arrived home at the end of long days and nights cooking in restaurants.  I still regularly lean towards them to satisfy my lunch needs.  They can be dressed up, or dressed down...not dissimilar to me, I suppose.

I’m busted! The truth has set me free, or has it?  Will I be arrested for fraud - led away in handcuffs?   

One good way of looking at it...I’ll get free board and meals, if that were to be my fate.

I won’t be putting my hand up, volunteering to work in the prison kitchen, though.

Eggplant-Bean Casserole: Chop 1 eggplant into ¼-inch cubes. Sauté in pan over med-heat with a little olive oil a few mins until it starts to turn golden. Add 1 can cannelini beans and 1 can chickpeas (drained and rinsed), 1tsp chilli powder and 1-1/2tsp smoked paprika; mix to coat. Add 1tbs tomato paste, 2 cans chopped tomatoes and 1tbs tahina; simmer 5-7mins until completely heated through; season to taste. Serve with rice or baked potatoes.  

Kidney Bean Soup: Heat 2tsp olive oil in pot. Sauté 1 chopped onion over med-heat, about 5mins, stirring frequently, until translucent. Add 2 grated garlic cloves, 1 chopped carrot, 2tbs tomato paste, or 1/2c tomato puree; sauté 1min.. Add 2c chick/vegie stock, 2 cooked kidney beans, 1tsp cumin, 2tsp chilli powder, 1tsp oregano; bring to boil; reduce heat to med-low; simmer uncovered 15-20mins, or until vegetables are tender. Add 2tsp lime juice; season to taste. Carefully blend hot soup.

Blue Cheese-Avocado Grilled Sandwiches: Preheat oven 204C. Grease baking tray; add 1c halved grape/cherry tomatoes. Toss with tbs olive oil, salt and pepper. Roast 25-30mins; remove from oven; set aside.  Turn oven to grill. Lightly mash 1 avocado with salt and pepper. Spread one side of 4 thick slices of seedy bread with butter. On the unbuttered sides evenly spread the avocado among insides of all 4 slices of bread. Add crumbled blue cheese right on top of avocado. Place the slices of bread on a baking sheet; grill 30secs to 1min until cheese begins to melt. Remove from oven; heat pan over med-heat. Divide 1c rocket in two; place on top of melted cheese; add a handful of roasted toms. Place other bread slice on top. Place sandwiches in pan. Cook until cheese is melted and both sides are golden, about 3mins per side.

Fruit & Nut Salad: Combine 1 peeled, seeded, cubed rockmelon (cantaloupe), 450g halved strawberries, 1 peeled, cubed pineapple, 2 cubed Granny Smith apples, 2c seedless red or green grapes, 1/2c dried cranberries and 1c raw nuts of choice. Whisk 3/4c orange juice, 1/3c lemon juice, 2tbs minced fresh mint and 1tsp cinnamon. Drizzle over fruit; toss lightly to coat. If desired, top with shredded coconut before serving. 
  

28 comments:

  1. Not a problem. In my case it makes me feel a *little* less inadequate to learn that you aren't constantly cooking up a storm.

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    1. Hahahaha! Those days are long gone for me, EC. Simple, simple - does it!

      I will be, however, making a rather large lemon butter cake next week...but it isn't for my ingestion! I'll bde giving it away.

      Thanks for coming by...and your forgiveness! :)

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    2. Ditto here. I'm making a vanilla and chocolate "cow hide" cake for a friend's birthday, you may have seen it a few weeks back on my blog when I had the trial run.

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  2. Always good to cook if in the mood, apart from the normal cooking 3 times a day. Never buy ready meals prefer to cook mine. i just hate packet white sauces, always prefer to make my own, so much tastier. Mint sauce, love making that, certainly tastes better than the bought stuff.
    Never had a hotcross bun this year or any other year for that matter, not a great lover of eating those types of thing.
    Seeing as you have cooked for millions over time, it would be nice to just sit back and cook for yourself...

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    1. Hi Margaret...I cook for myself sometimes...and sometimes I don't. I make my choices to suit me...I have only me to please...and, of course, Remy and Shama.

      I don't purchase ready-made meals...but, I did enjoy my Hot Cross buns over the Easter weekend - with loads of butter and ginger marmalade! :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  3. I'm crushed buttt...I'll get over it...Hahaaaa
    Love all the recipes ANYWAY!!Hahaa
    Keep it up girlfriend!
    hughugs

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    1. Hey there, Donna! I'm terrible, I know...I appreciate your forgiveness! You've boosted my confidence! I'll sneak out from hiding now! lol

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  4. Why are you not on a stage making people laugh? You are so funny!! I also love easy cooking but that is because I am a bad cook. My favorite cookbooks are for children!😊 but I am a kid at heart.

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    1. Hey, Kay...I make people laugh by just visiting my local supermarket...no need to get on stage. Except perhaps I'd get paid for being on stage...or booed! More likely the latter!! lol

      Thanks for your comment...you made me laugh...perhaps we should join up and become a duo...the modern day Laurel and Hardy! We'd do Amy Schumer and Amy Poehler out of a job! :)

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  5. I still enjoy cooking ( have tried a few of your recipes), but hate cleaning up. I make “maybe” two or three meals a week, eat out twice and munch on cheese and crackers in between. I do more grazing than sitting down to a plateful of food.

    No need to apologize, we all have secrets.

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    1. Hi Arleen...I very rarely dine out. I probably cook twice a week, maybe three times...as the mood fits.

      Today for lunch my fine-dining cuisine is going to be vegetable and cheese fritters!

      I enjoy grazing, too...living alone, I don't have to stand, or sit, on ceremony for anyone...other than for my two furry mates who often nag me into attention! :)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  6. Quick and easy works for me!
    Those recipes sound scrumptious.

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    1. Yep! Way to go, Sandra.

      I've spent enough hours - long, seemingly endless hours - through the years standing on hard surfaces preparing food. No more! I'm leaning on the lazy side now...and probably am leaning literally! lol

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  7. Your soups and sandwich look good. Do you have a cookbook? Yummy

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    1. Hey there, Sandie...good to see you.

      I had thousands of recipe books...none of my own composition, though. After a major decluttering exercise a couple of months ago (which I've still not finished doing...it's on hold at present) I gave most of the cookbooks I had to the local Op Shops.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  8. I don't care where the recipes come from, they're always appealing and I always enjoy reading them, and sometimes trying them. Fresh fruit and nuts sounds pretty healthy to me.

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    1. Hey Jenny. I love my fruit and nuts. Yesterday, for instance, my lunch consisted of a rather large pawpaw (seeds included), a banana, 2 pears and a mandarin, followed a while later by raw nuts and dried cranberries. That was after I'd juiced four oranges and a grapefruit earlier in the day.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  9. Who cares where the recipes come from, whether you used to cook them for the masses or you just found a great one online -- i just enjoy perusing recipes!

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    1. G'day, messymimi...I still enjoy perusing recipes, too, even if I don't do much cooking these days. I enjoy watching cooking shows on TV, too. There is always something new to learn...even if one doesn't physically put it into practice.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  10. Anonymous4:14 PM

    So sorry to disappoint you but I never really did think you cooked up these storms, not now anyway. There really is no great reason to have the traditional structure of breakfast, lunch and dinner aside from dinner being a time when a family were all together but even that is changing.

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    1. No need to apologise, Andrew...I'm not disappointed. Once upon a time, I used to cook up a storm, both in restaurants and at home, but no longer.

      My daily eating habits are far from traditional. Breakfast for me these days is freshly squeezed oranges (at times with lemons and/or grapefruit included...when in season)...and a mug of coffee. Sometimes a bowl of muesli is included. There are times latter takes its place as lunch for me...with sliced banana or whatever else added.

      Dinner...well...I don't have dinner. There are no family get-togethers with me...I have no family. So my patterns are my own...I have only myself to please.

      Remy and Shama, my two furry roomies eat at their will. I give them breakfast each morning. And, late afternoons, I chop up fresh meat for them. They graze on that throughout the night, at will...doing similar through the day with their breakfast.

      Remy does like to share whatever I have for lunch. He believes it is his due. Shama shows little or no interest. When my lunch consists of fruit only...like it did yesterday...Remy gets very annoyed...like he did yesterday. For a while he nagged me about my lack of of consideration! ;)

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  11. I'm a bit of a fraudster too when it comes to eating. I can talk about healthy foods until the air turns blue, then go to bed with nothing more than a peanut butter sandwich in my stomach. or a couple of cheese toasties. Cooking has suddenly become too much bother, even heating the meal-size portions I have in the freezer seems too hard. although I confess I am cooking tonight. I've thawed out a portion of spaghetti sauce and a cup of cheese&spinach ravioli.
    I remember ages ago I asked about one of your recipes and you confessed you hadn't actually tried it yourself.

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    1. Hahahaha! I cooked today, River...very easy, quick vegetable and cheese fritters...with enough left over for tomorrow...so no cooking for me tomorrow! :)

      I'm glad I'm not alone. A peanut paste sandwich is often favoured by me, too. In my case, it has to be crunchy! :)

      Thanks for coming by.

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  12. Aww, I really don't mind where the recipes come from, they always look and sound delicious and so good to try some out too.

    Since being retired we seem to only eat two meals a day now. The first being a decent breakfast, the second being a dinner … it suits us well.
    Folks really do have to do what best suits them, their health and their lifestyle.

    Happy May Wishes.

    All the best Jan

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    1. It is true what you say, Jan.

      The older we become the lighter and fewer meals we feel like, I believe. That's how it is with me, anyway. I can't remember the last time I did the three meals a day thingie! :)

      As long as the majority of what we put into our bodies is healthy we don't have to live by the rule of three square, round or octagonal meals a day I do treat myself to treats when I feel like them, too.

      Thanks for coming by. :)

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  13. Previously, I had imagined the delicious aromas emanating daily from your designer cabin's kitchen. All those wonderful recipes! However, you have finally come clean about your fraudulent behaviour and so I for one forgive you.

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    1. This sure ain't no designer cabin, Yorkie! My aprons are, though! :)

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  14. I could feign shock horror but the truth is that from your posts over the last few years I've assumed that you are like many of us of a certain age and, as a rule, the easier the food the better. I'll happily cook for a dinner party of 12 and even more happily for half a dozen but for myself the simpler the better. I don't have time to cook anything but the simplest dinner and my lunch is almost always good wholesome soup which I make in bulk and freeze in litre pots.

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